How honest should we be with our kids?

[GroovyC]

OK...So they say be honest with your kids. I get that about teenage pregnancies. "Don't make the same mistake as me". But how honest should we be depending on our story? My ex broke into my home while I slept 10 years ago and my son overheard the story I told a girlfriend and is terrified. My brother has a prison record for multiple offenses to armed robbery, grand theft and assault. My son says his uncle is a jerk and I tell him we need to pray for people like that because only unhappy people do these things. Even if he threatened my life.....which was never shared.

My brother hasn't seen me in years. I never told him my brother hurt me and broke a bone. He's also never met his grandfather on my husband's side for drugs or incarceration. It's an honest question...not one for sympathy. He see's pictures and wonders. He's got awesome aunts, grand parents on my side and nieces.

I want my child whose only 4 to be aware but not afraid. After he overheard about my ex he said "mother...will I get nightmares from this conversation". So I know I can't tell my 4 year old. What do a tell a 4 year old to keep them wise but unafraid?

Edited March 5, 2017 by GroovyC

[Telemachus]

A four-year-old has no capacity for understanding these events in the way you do, particularly since many of these people he's never even met.

 

At four years old, my children knew that I'd had a sister and that she'd died long before they were born. They didn't need for me to read them the medical examiner's report an to explain what "defensive wounds" are.

 

Avoid characterizing people as "good" and "bad," but freely identify the actions and decisions of people as "good" and "bad." There are some people who are no longer in your life for good reasons. Leave it at that.

[Chilli]

And what he said to you , poor little man , says it all.

Are you kidding , he doesn't need to know stuff like that. And at that age, seriously hell some of that would effect my 16yr old.

 

They have enough overload thrown at them these days from every angle and then some, and then most of them are dealing with some divorce and forced to live 2 lives every week as well.

My d's no dummy and she certainly ain't naive but l'll still leave out the nasty bits in some things if 1, l know she might have trouble with it and 2 , if she doesn't need to know.

[todreaminblue]

I feel its better for children who are young not to know certain things to stay as innocent as they can for as long as possible......

 

 

my granddaughter saw her mother get her eye split open by her ex....my grand child's father is now the enemy..she now holds no trust for him will not go with him, often wont even touch him, screams at him to leave when he comes to visit....and if he is in my house.......she stays with me.....if he stays too long and refuses to leave she sleeps in my room.....as she only believes i can keep her safe when he is around....so she lost a little of her innocence then.....and we had to discuss the incident...without graphics

 

 

when i was sexually assaulted at five i was told to remain silent and not talk about it with anyone and i did for many many years...but then i told a girl who was the same age as me....and she told her mother.......who told her daughter i was demon seed to make up such lies......and spread the word.....her child was not allowed to sit near me anymore or associate with me.....and i became isolated.....the boys wouldn't stand behind me in assembly...i was ..shunned ..its taken me a lot of reflection and soul searching......my mother then had to go up to school and inform the teachers......what i said was true...i wasnt lying.....the teacher had a word to the mother...but the damage was done....couldnt be taken back.....

 

 

no wi blamed that mother for most fo my adult life....and came to the realization she just didnt want her daughter to know about things that i had said...the horrible nasty side of people......

 

i understand...now..still think she could have handed it better......spoken to my mum maybe ...i would have apologized......i wouldnt have spoken of it again...i didnt anyway not with her daughter.....

 

my girls have seen the harder side fo life and met many struggling people..homeless...addicts .....broken people.....as i have my grand kids....adn i can say ...my kids try their hardest to be kind and understanding they have social intelligence enough to know good from bad people and they talk to strangers .......they say hello thank you and if that stranger tries to grab them....a parent is there to stop it....or me.....i think kids should be as innocent as logn as they can be..but when it comes a time they see it or hear things that are horrible and nasty and adult in nature or experience molestation ...innocence is gone.....and damage control needs to be there....the secrets and hush peter is listening talks....are no longer viable to be hushed.... they need to be talked about in a calm compassionate manner where that child will feel safe and secure with one adult in the family even...someone they feel they can be truly honest with...any time they feel the need to discuss something that happened or something they have seen....

 

 

when they go to school and another child maybe opens up to your child about sexual assault or violence or horrible things.......do not automatically assume the child in question is an attention seeking child born of the devil who needs to be put on an island some where and starved to death....because they know violent things ro carnal natured things.....

 

approach a teacher if you feel you cant approach the parents personally and inform them of what you have come to know or find out from your child...discreetly and in private.....

 

innocence...i wish it could last forever...the world will always make sure it doesnt....i became an adult at five.......

 

 

.get there first with a the mindset to teach the right thing..... and explain things without graphics with compassion and kindness.....and honesty if you feel a child knows more than they should..or has been shown or told more than they should........and expect your children will learn what is wrong to know....outside your home anyway..by the world encroaching on them.......its all damage control....nightmares are enacted when children are awake.....most often...show them dreams instead of what is good and right..........deb

Edited March 7, 2017 by todreaminblue