Low self-esteem and self-entitlement

[benpom]

Seems like being too strict on children and always picking out their flaws tend to lead to low self-esteem, while being overly protective and always ignoring their flaws lead to laziness and self-entitlement. Great parenting lies somewhere in between.

 

What do you guys think?

[basil67]

For starters, I don't think that children have "flaws". Instead, I think they are still learning and sometimes make mistakes along the way. As parents, we need to give guidance and direction.

 

I agree that being too critical of a child will lead to low self esteem. But I don't see that being overly protective leads to laziness or self entitlement. Being lazy or self entitled comes from having parents who do everything for their kids - this is different to being over protective.

 

When guiding kids, we shouldn't be telling them "Don't be rude" or "Don't run around the restaurant". Instead, we need to give them positive direction. "Remember to say please and thank you" or "In a restaurant, we sit on our chairs and use an inside voice". Of course, this must be said in a firm voice so that the child knows there is no other choice. It's so much easier to do the right thing if we clearly know what the right thing is. And then we get acknowledged for doing the right thing and it feels good and we keep doing it.

 

At any rate, this has worked for me. My daughter is nearly 18 and has never been reported to me for her behaviour. Nor have I ever had to raise my voice at her. My special needs son is a different matter, but it was through raising him that I learned just how important it is to give positive direction instead of just saying "don't do that"

[benpom]

But I don't see that being overly protective leads to laziness or self entitlement.

 

The 'overly protective' situation I have seen is the parents indulging a child in bad behavior and attacking other people (verbally, and sometimes behind the back) when other people don't tolerate the children's bad behavior.

[basil67]

The 'overly protective' situation I have seen is the parents indulging a child in bad behavior and attacking other people (verbally, and sometimes behind the back) when other people don't tolerate the children's bad behavior.

 

Ok, that's not being 'over protective', that's being indulgent. And yes, it will lead to self entitlement.

 

An over protective parents is one who wraps a child up in proverbial cotton wool and doesn't allow them to experience life or learn by their mistakes.

[ChanSummary]

I agree. It makes them thnk that they are not capable of deciding for themselves, and they do not think they are good enough. They need only encouragement and support, and a kind of discipline that is not overpowering.