Am I overreacting, out of touch with tweens, or is this disturbing?

[Squall1964]

out of touch with tweens, or is this disturbing?

 

I am writing for some clarity, advice or plain old mind your own business. I have been in a relationship with a very kind, loving, generous and intelligent man for 8 years. He is a devoted son and father. We live in nearby states, and as I had been married for many years previously the relationship works for me. We basically are a perfect fit except my children are grown and independent and his are much younger. But the distance allows him his time and me with mine. Here is my concern.

 

I have noticed since for about five years now that his pre-teen daughter acts much older than her years. Being as she is in a very large family on her mother’s side, full of women and female cousins, I put it down to the older cousins and having a sister who is quite a few years older. Seeing and listening to things that she might not if there wasn't so many older people around her.

 

This young child exhibited behavior that was inappropriate—talking about sex, body parts, and her knowledge was disturbing. She was upstairs with her sister and older cousin was babysitting and had gotten a new stuffed dog and the head rotated. She went to insert it into her private part, laughing. She was online on some game site at age 8 or 9 and wrote a boy player "I want to F you" I discussed my concerns to him. He listened, but felt it was not any type of molestation or cause for concern. As smart as he is, he can be immature, and finds things silly or funny. Or innocent. Other stuff happened also.

 

After a few episodes where her talk was concerning enough to embarrass her mother in front of a tutor etc., she was sat down and read the riot act. Basically her Mother said the behavior was, again, key word to her “inappropriate” and would stop. And it did. The booty shaking, twerking etc didn’t lessen, but the comments did. This is an extended family who love to videotape themselves.

 

Having a granddaughter the same age who is not influenced by TV, Social Media, etc, it is like two different worlds. My Granddaughter is very innocent for her age. They are not allowed smart phones, do not go on the internet unattended and any TV shows are downloaded. Their Mom is a HS Teacher and they are active and have many friends. So I don’t know if I am over reacting because I am out of touch with --some--young girls today? Personally, I am very open minded, love kids and have no problems with my sexuality.

 

This is what happened this week. For the past few weeks the child has been making memes. Uses pictures of her during her toddler years and writes a “funny” sentence across the middle. All of the writings are, in my mind, inappropriate. Her crawling as a child and the meme says about looking at your mans booty.. Stuff about alcohol and all that.... They all think its funny.

 

Well, yesterday she was home from school and saw “2 cats having sex in the backyard”. She then made two memes of pics of her as a baby with the writings across relating to seeing the cats having sex. Even worse, she videotaped the action her phone! There is a quick video Titled “The cats r having sex omg", and she says on it "The cats are having intercourse omg these cats are having intercourse" and schreeches. She sounds so excited. Really excited. It is so disturbing! I was speechless she is just turned 12 years old.

 

I showed a few of my friends, one a school counselor who said it was disturbing, odd and wtf. Everyone I showed was appalled.

 

So my BF said wasn’t that video funny I said what did her Mom say did she show her Mom? He said yes everyone saw it. I said well I don’t know what to say and he said she said she is “scarred for life”. He said she is so innocent. Maybe she is?

 

This child is the apple of everyone’s eye. I know this meme making machine is getting her attention but this is a child from a close, educated family. She is adorded so this isn't seeking attention (I think) and I really can’t understand why they think this is ok.

 

Is there something wrong with me? Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Edited February 28, 2017 by Squall1964

[preraph]

she's probably seen her dad watching porn or heard it or both.

[Squall1964]

That is possible.

 

I just don't get a 12 year old girl sending a video clip of animals having sex to her family members and writing so many memes racy memes. I would of been mortified at that age to send that to my Dad.

Edited March 1, 2017 by Squall1964

[Mr. Lucky]

Is there something wrong with me? Thank you for taking the time to read this.

 

No, your reaction is normal, her behavior inappropriate.

 

But it's not your cross to bear. You've brought it up to her Dad, his issue to deal with.

 

I'm afraid what you've posted would make me question his judgment - and my involvement with him...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Squall1964]

Thank you Mr. Lucky, you are wise. I haven't talked about my feelings concerning her behavior/worries for her in years to him. I felt it wasn't my place, and I understand the boundaries I need to have. Unfortunely it seems they have to work on their own boundaries.

 

This recent sharing with me of these memes/video, and that they are found amusing has me upset.

 

I posted because I do feel differently about him. Ty again.

[preraph]

If she sees it with the family then she thinks it's normal. It's up to the parent to tell her otherwise, preferably with words and by example.

 

I used to sneak and look at my dad's porno magazines from the time I was young and it was nasty awful post-war Nazi rape crap back in the 50s. Not a good thing for kids to see, any of it. And worse to know your dad enjoys looking at sick stuff.

[Chilli]

l think your being pretty naive people . Why would she need porn mags .

Her phone and ipads probably on the net ,all her sisters and friends at school and their gadgets would be on the net,

The older girls she's around at home would be showing her stuff and messing about all he time too but the stuff going around at school alone anyway would probably give you a heart attach.

My daughters nearly 16now but l've been looking after big groups of her and her friends since they were 5 and believe me , they ain't angels.

l remember ex telling me something her cousins 2yrs older were showing her at 9 on their phones. l was fkg horrified .

And then by the time they were 7 or 8 the school - in all their wisdom insisted every kid had an ipad and full internet.

We knew well and truly what they were all already like but we didn't want her on the net apart from in the lounge around us on a screen we can see , until she was 16.

Haaaaaa, what a fkg joke. Here's the damn school at that age putting them all on the internet with their very own ipads 24 7 that non of the parents could possible keep track of and the kids were that damn clever they'd bury all their programs and chat things and l hate to think what else.

The school turn happy healthy active kids into bedroom vegetables.

 

Every parent complained and didn't have the time or skill after awhile to outsmart the kids on these things , the school was getting abused for years .

All their friends sending them God knows what 24 7.

We tried and tried to check it and keep up with it for a couple of yrs but it just wore you down in the end.

 

l just thank God she's 16 now, close , and is well, in these days anyway , almost an adult in the way that it's all hopefully old news at 16 and she's seen more by now than l have in my whole life but has sort of come out of it unscathed .

Because there's no way in hell we can control it now but thankfully she's a great girl and one of the smartest in the pack.

 

Wish l knew the answer.

[elaine567]

Yes it may all be influence of internet porn and kids seeing stuff they shouldn't be seeing, but my worry here is that she is being sexually abused.

 

The fact your bf minimised it, may be telling...

[Squall1964]

Thank you all.

 

Elaine I suggested that many years ago when the age inappropriate behavior started. He was physically sick at the thought. I know he is innocent of this. I can say we know one another and share things some people keep "secret" forever. That being said, there are a few suspects in my mind. But really, what can I do? The major one is dead now and this would of been done at a very young age. I think she has/is exposed to too much adult stuff from an early age and wants to be like them.

 

I talked with a male teacher he is 27 and teaches 5th grade. He said what is going on with young teens, tweens, young adults etc access to electronics, social media, TV is harming them on such a deep level.

 

I can't understand the family thinking this is funny and or encouraging it.

[Chilli]

Yeah , it's bloody horrifying.

Her school then moved all that down to the preps must have and ipad and internet. Brilliant.

 

But from what you've described, l wouldn't jump to conclusions at all about any abuse.

All ours were easily as full on and her and younger.

And the family , l dunno. We didn't know which way to turn , especially me being male and dad and some of the things they'd get up to ,you couldn't help but laugh sometimes , after you got up of the floor that is.lt became old news though , they were all little devils and if you blocked it they'd only hide it, better of not bc then you can keep an eye on them better.

 

One funny little story for example, hard not to chuckle at this one, l go to turn the damn light on one day and there's new writing under the switch.

It says turn me on , then under that was a picture of a penis, putting it politely. They were 9 when they did that, and that was nothing.

Couldn't even tell you some of the stuff they did.