what can i expect?

[nothebadguy]

I left my wife 6 months ago. we have 3 and 4 yr toddlers and she was pregnant. I had agreed to try some time back but it hadn't happened and i wasn't home much so was shocked and not ready when it did.It was the last straw .She is a SAHM but never really did much and I had to come home from working all day and help.It was only going to get worse with a new baby and i was sick of doing everything.

I was taking the kids a day at a time on my days off but when she moved to the next town I said i'd have them overnight and did for 2 months.

But then a girl I was friends with broke up with her bf and her and I got together . The kids mentioned that she sleeps in my bed after an overnight visit and my exwife hit the roof. she said it is too early for them and also the children knew her as being with someone else. She stopped overnights. it is 40km each way and im not doing that twice a day. I threatened mediation but she had already organised it. she keeps saying that the kids are emotionally damaged because i left suddenly

she complains that i don't see or call them, but time gets away from me ,i work shift work and just don't get time.

when the baby was born she did not invite me or inform me until the next day. i got to hold him for half an hour.

i've only seen the 3 kids for 2 hours since she stopped the overnights and that was playing in the park when she let me know she was in town.

what can i expect at mediation. i want them overnight. my girlfriend is pregnant due later this year. the women used to be friends, my gf is now not welcome at my exwifes house. my ex does not want her to be introduced as the gf or the kids told she is pregnant until we have been together for sometime.She also doesn't want her staying overnight. we don't live together.I don't think this is fair. I am sick of being the bad guy here. my gf is sick of being the badwoman. we didn't intend to fall pregnant,we were only together a few weeks. but this is how it is. doesn't she just have to deal with it?

[basil67]

I think that as far as custody is concerned, your ex is right. It's too soon in your new relationship to be introducing the kids to your new girlfriend. You may be having a baby with this new girlfriend, but that doesn't negate the fact that at 4 months in you barely know her.

 

If you've got the kids overnight, then tell your girlfriend she can't stay. And MAKE time to call your kids. Excuses don't cut it.

[mikeylo]

Become a responsible man ! Stop making babies if you can't take care of them properly. You left a SAHM suddenly and pregnant with your child and get a new girlfriend and make her pregnant and expect your ex wife to welcome you and your gf ? Reslly dude? Get into therapy to avoid ruining innocent kids lives.

[Methodical]

You need to retain an attorney. Depending on where you live, many times the father is granted every other weekend, and one night per week on alt. weeks. But, that standard has changed and isn't a given accurate scenario.

 

What is legal and what is in the best interest for your children in terms of introducing another woman into their lives so soon is another ball of wax. Kids are resilient, but that doesn't mean your actions won't have negative consequences. Tread carefully. You need to put their well being first.

[GunslingerRoland]

So wait, you were having all these problems with your wife, then you decided to get her pregnant, leave her for another girl and get her pregnant.... do we need to sit down with you and explain what is making these babies keep coming?

 

 

I'd normally agree with your ex, that it was too early to have the other woman around your kids especially for sleep overs. But now that she's pregnant I guess you're a little past that.

 

 

But if she still doesn't live with you, I'd agree that no overnights with her while the kids are over, sounds like a fair request. When she moves in you'll have to adjust those rules obviously.

[nothebadguy]

I don't appreciate that you think I need therapy. I'm looking after them I pay child support. I didn't leave the ex for her she was still with her bf when I left.She had a lot of **** to sort out from that and I was her shoulder and things went from there.

We didn't plan on a baby but it's coming. Pre sure I'm not going to get much to do with the new baby anyway,she doesn't update me on the kids,send photos or anything other than when am I going to call or see them .

I still don't see why the kids can't stay over if the gf is here overnight. they already know her. their mother says they have been badly affected by the split and by the gf being around, but they were ok for me.

I just know she's going to make me look bad at mediation because I haven't seen them or called much.but ive had phone and service trouble,work shiftwork,lost my licence for a few months, just crap happened. there are rumours that she is going for reuniting or some **** so I wont even get to have them on my own .it's only been 4 or 5 months they still know who I am.they were happy to see me a couple of weeks ago,jumped all over me.

I thiink I should be able to see my kids when and how i want to.she says they miss me,so how is keeping them from me going to help.

[Desiree D]

I don't appreciate that you think I need therapy. I'm looking after them I pay child support. I didn't leave the ex for her she was still with her bf when I left.She had a lot of **** to sort out from that and I was her shoulder and things went from there.

We didn't plan on a baby but it's coming. Pre sure I'm not going to get much to do with the new baby anyway,she doesn't update me on the kids,send photos or anything other than when am I going to call or see them .

I still don't see why the kids can't stay over if the gf is here overnight. they already know her. their mother says they have been badly affected by the split and by the gf being around, but they were ok for me.

I just know she's going to make me look bad at mediation because I haven't seen them or called much.but ive had phone and service trouble,work shiftwork,lost my licence for a few months, just crap happened. there are rumours that she is going for reuniting or some **** so I wont even get to have them on my own .it's only been 4 or 5 months they still know who I am.they were happy to see me a couple of weeks ago,jumped all over me.

I thiink I should be able to see my kids when and how i want to.she says they miss me,so how is keeping them from me going to help.

 

You are a very good reminder to use condoms. As immature and selfish as you are irresponsibly ruining lives and getting women pregnant, you do serve a purpose. You remind us to WRAP IT UP. Thank you for being here.

[nothebadguy]

seriously? did you really say that? it's not my fault! i was thinking of leaving when she fell pregnant.she was always nagging at me to stay home.in the end i didn't want to come home.i didn't want to hurt the kids. she can move on ,i wouldn't care. she has a house to live in, the kids full time, i rent a room and have to find a house for the gf and the baby.

i'm pre sick of this ****.sick of being abused for wanting to be happy. I have this **** at work. people come up to me and abuse me. you should hear the things people have said to me,just because i don't want to be married anymore.even my own mother won't speak to me.her and my ex are pally pally now. she was at the birth ,not me. its bull****.

[basil67]

So everybody says that you're making poor decisions. I don't suppose you've looked at yourself through their eyes?

[ChocolateRain]

As per your quote '' Pre sure I'm not going to get much to do with the new baby anyway,she doesn't update me on the kids,send photos or anything other than when am I going to call or see them .

 

i dont think it is her duty to update you on YOUR children it is YOUR duty as a father to be involved in YOUR children's life . Please re- read your quote and ask yourself if this sounds right to you ... i was a single mom and believe me it causes life long damage to children when the father is not really involved ... they are your children ...

[Lois_Griffin]

I love the screen name you chose - "Not the Bad Guy."

 

Seems you have no problem having kids all over the place because YOU can run off and just start all over again when you get bored. Why your 'girlfriend' allowed herself to get pregnant after seeing how you deserted your pregnant wife and kids actually makes me wonder what's wrong with her that she would be foolish enough to put herself in that position.

 

What can you 'expect' at mediation? I guess the best thing would be that they put through an order to make a nice big deduction from your paycheck every month to support all these kids you keep haphazardly bringing into this world. That NEEDS to happen if it isn't already happening.

 

Also, a man who deserts his wife and children isn't exactly looked upon in a positive light - and one who is barely MINIMALLY involved in their lives won't bode well for you, either. Add to the fact that you want to subject these kids to your pregnant girlfriend sleeping with you while you have physical custody of them for a night, and that just makes you look irresponsible, selfish, and foolish to everyone.

 

I don't know the laws in your country or if there are morality clauses used in determining physical custody, so all we can do is guess at this point.

[Lois_Griffin]

I just know she's going to make me look bad at mediation because I haven't seen them or called much.but ive had phone and service trouble,work shiftwork,lost my licence for a few months, just crap happened.

Yes, it's always someone else's fault, isn't it? Your cell phone provider made it impossible to call your kids and no one else you know - INCLUDING your pregnant girlfriend - have a damned cell phone you could borrow to call them with, right?

 

And I'm sure the state took your license for NO reason at all and therefore, made it impossible for you to drive to your old house to see your kids. I guess there are no taxi's, buses, subways, Uber cars, FRIENDS or FAMILY who would drive you and I'll also assume your girlfriend doesn't have a car (or a cell phone) either. So due to everyone else's failings, you couldn't visit them either, right?

 

But it's your WIFE whose going to 'make you look bad.' Not you, but your wife.

 

Alrighty, then.

[Methodical]

seriously? did you really say that? it's not my fault! i was thinking of leaving when she fell pregnant.she was always nagging at me to stay home.in the end i didn't want to come home.i didn't want to hurt the kids. she can move on ,i wouldn't care. she has a house to live in, the kids full time, i rent a room and have to find a house for the gf and the baby.

i'm pre sick of this ****.sick of being abused for wanting to be happy. I have this **** at work. people come up to me and abuse me. you should hear the things people have said to me,just because i don't want to be married anymore.even my own mother won't speak to me.her and my ex are pally pally now. she was at the birth ,not me. its bull****.

 

She didn't FALL pregnant. You played a part, yet continue to chant, "it's not my fault."

 

Why did she nag you to stay home? I understand shift work, but you obviously didn't stick around much, regardless of the rotation. Why did you lose your license? DWI?

 

When your own mother takes issue with your actions, it's not just everyone else seeing what they want to see and abusing poor, pitiful you. Your mother is staking claim to her grandchildren. Thankfully, your ex realizes that your mother isn't responsible for your actions and is therefore maintaining good relations.

 

I'm calling BS on the lack of communication with your children. Cell phone service issues? No, where there's a will, there's a way. I'm sure you aren't paying for a service that is never available.

[nothebadguy]

:mad:great thanks for making my night:(

[CarrieT]

You asked what to expect and you are getting a pretty good idea of how things are going to go for you.

 

Many of the basic questions will be brought up:

- Why can't you live closer?

- Why did you leave?

- Why haven't you kept in better contact with your kids after leaving?

- What happened to your driver's license?

 

All these factors will be looked at in total as your ability to care for the children.

 

What you *can* do is turn your life around and get a good lawyer to fight for 50/50 custody. Live your life to be the father that you want your kids to have - not the lover that keeps getting women pregnant. It sounds like you do whatever is easiest for YOU instead of doing what is best for the multitudes of children you are producing.

[ChocolateRain]

:mad:great thanks for making my night:(

 

it is really nothing to be upset about and i hope you take it to heart of what is being said to you .

tbh ,it does anger me a bit how you come across specially when it comes to your children . Merely because i was a SM and had to be the one explaining to my child why the father didnt care . i had to be mom and dad at the same time . i have heard excuses no money to send letter no money to call no time no nothing no birthday cards etc etc ... i wont go into detail how it effected my child in later years but it was rough and i will hate him forever ... two years ago my child found the dead beat on Facebook he became a facebook father

i am not saying that you are this extreme but your words really are upsetting .

if it was me i couldnt even think such a thought as you stated ...i would swim every ocean and climb every mountain everyday twice to be with my child if i had to ... many people forget the childrens feelings and think because they are young they dont understand but when they grow up it can tear them apart ... take it to heart please what is being said here for the sake of the children

[ChocolateRain]

I left my wife 6 months ago. we have 3 and 4 yr toddlers and she was pregnant. I had agreed to try some time back but it hadn't happened and i wasn't home much so was shocked and not ready when it did.It was the last straw .She is a SAHM but never really did much and I had to come home from working all day and help.It was only going to get worse with a new baby and i was sick of doing everything.

I was taking the kids a day at a time on my days off but when she moved to the next town I said i'd have them overnight and did for 2 months.

But then a girl I was friends with broke up with her bf and her and I got together . The kids mentioned that she sleeps in my bed after an overnight visit and my exwife hit the roof. she said it is too early for them and also the children knew her as being with someone else. She stopped overnights. it is 40km each way and im not doing that twice a day. I threatened mediation but she had already organised it. she keeps saying that the kids are emotionally damaged because i left suddenly

she complains that i don't see or call them, but time gets away from me ,i work shift work and just don't get time.

when the baby was born she did not invite me or inform me until the next day. i got to hold him for half an hour.

i've only seen the 3 kids for 2 hours since she stopped the overnights and that was playing in the park when she let me know she was in town.

what can i expect at mediation. i want them overnight. my girlfriend is pregnant due later this year. the women used to be friends, my gf is now not welcome at my exwifes house. my ex does not want her to be introduced as the gf or the kids told she is pregnant until we have been together for sometime.She also doesn't want her staying overnight. we don't live together.I don't think this is fair. I am sick of being the bad guy here. my gf is sick of being the badwoman. we didn't intend to fall pregnant,we were only together a few weeks. but this is how it is. doesn't she just have to deal with it?

 

i highlighted what i thought you should re-read and understand why you get such a negative response ... i hope you can work things out , its never too late

Edited May 11, 2016 by ChocolateRain
correction