My little Nephew is picking up bad habits from my Family

[jessicaromano411]

I'm still living with my Parents and I've got some personal life issues I am working on fixing.

But there's a huge problem between me any much of my Family. To start my Parents and I constantly argue about everything, they treat me like a child still and from all this we don't get along, best thing I need to do is move out away from them eventually. Other people in my Family also put me down and judge me badly, the way they treat me is unacceptable and until I move away I just ignore them.

The problem is my little Nephew. He is 6 and we are super close, but he is mature for his age. He has been picking up how others treat me, and since I'm being treated not like an adult and constantly people putting me down, my Nephew does not see me as an adult but just a big child, and has gone as far as repeating bad things other people say and complaining about me suddenly. One example Saying I wake up too late on days when we see eachother and why I sleep late and everyone else is up early. That's my parents (his grandparents) talking, and he is repeating what they say now but using it in such a way it's hurtful/disrespectful but I'm not sure he understands that.

I don't feel like an Aunt but more just a playmate and I don't think this is right. Sure I'm not his parent but I definetly wouldn't of gotten away saying that to my Aunt I would of gotten spanked if I said that! I'm not blaming my Nephew but my family for making it seem ok to talk down to people and disrespect them. Normally his parents (my sister and brother in law) would correct him not to say that but they say this about me too and actually told me my Nephew is right, WTF? I'm at loss what to do/say. I just see things getting worse as he gets older and realizes more and more about me and how others don't treat me nice. I could tell him not to say these things but he'll just say it if his parents and grandparents say it.

[CC12]

they say this about me too and actually told me my Nephew is right, WTF?

 

I mean, if you do sleep late or later than everyone else, then he is right. How do you expect them to correct him on that? Pick better battles.

 

I don't doubt that your nephew picks up on the way your family speaks to you, but in regards to the example you used, there's nothing inherently disrespectful about him noticing that you sleep later than others and asking you why. I'm sure he didn't understand that it would be hurtful to ask you about it. He was just making an observation as children are inclined to do.

 

I think all you can do is either suck it up until you move out, or calmly speak to your family and tell them that you feel nephew has repeated some things they've said about you and ask them kindly not to have those conversations around him. I think it's fair to ask them for that.

[Justqueztal]

My opinion its diferent.

Its totally desrespectful,his still a kid cant diened that.If he really is mature(i doubt it)he sould have the respect or courtesy of when and how to say those kind of things which a kid dosent have (in my opinion you get those values by growing up to know when you can hurt people feelings) y which comes to my mind that he got it by hearing grown ups.

A point we cant denied is that he is kind of right the change comes from you, start waking up early.

And another thing family can be sometime be more...."honest"(judgmental) wich can hurt people which you need to deal with it while your there.

Dont worry they well always judge, sometimes in a good way and sometimes not,

Try talking with them and hope everyting ends good

[basil67]

You say that your family treats you as a child. But do you act like an adult? Cook meals for the family a few times a week, pay rent, have an income etc?

[Gemma1]

How old are you? I'm inclined to agree with the others...maybe you could think of a better example? Because this isn't a good one. If you sleep late on days that you see him, he's going to notice. The fact that you're so upset about this incident makes me think you are a bit childish, and are insecure because you know your nephew is right. But you didn't tell us anything about your age or job situation, or how you contribute to the family, so I can't really paint a full picture.

[GunslingerRoland]

Kids will repeat everything they hear, it happens. Anyone with kids has been embarrassed by stuff like this before. I think you are overreacting to some pretty minor stuff.

 

 

And if you live at home and don`t have a job, then maybe that is why he sees you as closer to a kid than another adult?

[jessicaromano411]

I'm 30, but have been dealing with bad social anxiety and depression and I'm currently on social security disability for now as I've been unable to work. I also have trouble sleeping, so between the anxiety, stress, and trouble sleeping I do sleep in later.

I don't see any reason to change how I sleep for anyone, if people come over where I live than they should come later when I'm up if they aren't happy with my sleep pattern. My sister and her kids are up at 7am because that's when the kids get up so they have to get up. I have no children and have a boyfriend, on a weekend if I want to sleep late, that's what weekends are for! I don't expect my sister to stay up as late as me, why should she expect me to wake up as early as her, we have two different lifestyles.

Yes I do things around the house, except the financial part I do everything to care for myself and help my parents and I babysit sometimes.

My parents and I just don't have a close relationship, we don't agree on everything I guess and because of what's going on in my life people put me down instead of trying to be understanding of what I'm going through and just because I'm not working think it's ok to treat me lesser than everyone, I'm still an adult and I'm not stupid, I know when people talk bad about me. It's wrong.

 

I understand my nephew copies what adults say. When your Aunt has a disability and life issues and her family doesn't accept her for it, and there degrading is repeated by your nephew, that's why it comes across bad. My sister and parents should not downgrade me in front of my nephew. Just say I stay up later and sleep later, kids won't question that. I love my nephew, but it hurts when he talks like that about me.

Edited January 19, 2016 by jessicaromano411

[Gemma1]

I'm not saying that you sleeping in late is so terrible. I'm just saying it's a bad example of what this thread is supposed to be about. You said your nephew was learning bad things from your family and saying bad things to you, but your example of him saying you sleep late is kind of silly. Of course he's going to notice this and say something, that's what kids do. Is there anything else he's said to you that you find hurtful? If not, I think this thread would be better in the family section, because it's not really about your nephew. It's about your parents.

 

It also sounds to me like they view you as childish because you do act more like a child than most adults. Of course you can sleep late if you want to, but it is seen as a bit childish by most adults. I was a late sleeper all my life too and I would get comments on it all the time. It's fine to sleep late as long as you are taking care of all the other parts of your life and are an adult in other ways, but it sounds like you are not. I sympathize with your anxiety and depression. I've suffered from depression as well and some of my family members have extreme depression/anxiety. But it is something you can control if you put in the effort. I think sleeping late is a sign of depression but it also perpetuates it. I can't tell you how much my life and overall happiness has increased since I started waking up early.

 

Are you doing anything to change your situation? You can't control your family, but you can control yourself and change the way they see you.

[Wewon]

I'm still living with my Parents and I've got some personal life issues I am working on fixing.

But there's a huge problem between me any much of my Family. To start my Parents and I constantly argue about everything, they treat me like a child still and from all this we don't get along, best thing I need to do is move out away from them eventually. Other people in my Family also put me down and judge me badly, the way they treat me is unacceptable and until I move away I just ignore them.

The problem is my little Nephew. He is 6 and we are super close, but he is mature for his age. He has been picking up how others treat me, and since I'm being treated not like an adult and constantly people putting me down, my Nephew does not see me as an adult but just a big child, and has gone as far as repeating bad things other people say and complaining about me suddenly. One example Saying I wake up too late on days when we see eachother and why I sleep late and everyone else is up early. That's my parents (his grandparents) talking, and he is repeating what they say now but using it in such a way it's hurtful/disrespectful but I'm not sure he understands that.

I don't feel like an Aunt but more just a playmate and I don't think this is right. Sure I'm not his parent but I definetly wouldn't of gotten away saying that to my Aunt I would of gotten spanked if I said that! I'm not blaming my Nephew but my family for making it seem ok to talk down to people and disrespect them. Normally his parents (my sister and brother in law) would correct him not to say that but they say this about me too and actually told me my Nephew is right, WTF? I'm at loss what to do/say. I just see things getting worse as he gets older and realizes more and more about me and how others don't treat me nice. I could tell him not to say these things but he'll just say it if his parents and grandparents say it.

 

This is going to sound harsh, but your nephew is 6, he may be picking this up from your parents, but it doesn't sound like he is seeing anything from you that is contradicting what his parents are saying/doing. From his perspective you may appear to be a big playmate unless you are doing "adult" things that will cause him to see you differently.

 

Do you have any adult roles in the family? Does he see you paying bills, going to work, engaging in adult conversation with other adults?

 

This doesn't give him the right to be rude or mean but it may give you a new perspective on why he may be acting out towards you.

[Tayla]

Wow!What an opportunity to respond to your nephew in a mature adult manner.

When he says aunti j, you sleep too much, you can say, Wow I can see that is your perspective, sometimes I just awaken in the middle of the night, and it takes awhile . Ever have that happen? Then let him yak away.

As to your parents and siblings... Be equally attentive to validate the reality and to offer solutions. You can't change them , you CAN change how you respond.

Since you do have free time, Get some lessons in proper listening skills and assertive tactics. It will help your inter actions.

 

Where you see them against you, I see you being able to convey and listen without feeling attacked. Best to you.

[truthtripper]

Jessica, I think you need to move out of home away from your family and make a life for yourself, as soon as is possible. Them patronising and infantilising(treating you like a kid) you is dysfunctional and unhealthy. It will only exacerbate your anxiety/depression by making you feel helpless. It sounds like you are a family scapegoat-a family member who is perceived as weak and who resultingly, gets all the blame. As long as you remain dependant on them in any way, they will continue to put you down. Becoming independent will empower you and it will be harder for your family to condescend you(although they will still keep trying to do it out of habit and also because dysfunctional families need someone to blame to absolve themselves of their responsibilities). I'm telling you from my own experience.