light yagami Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 Looking for advice on how to deal with my ex. I know what I need to do but at times I can be less than tactful. The last three times I have shown up at my ex's house (two of the three unannounced and just dropping off things for my son and the third on a regular exchange) her house REEKED of weed and an entire can of air freshener. Two things need to be stated 1. my son has mild cerebral palsy, similar to Walt jr from Breaking Bad; and 2. she has had an issue of serious child endangerment where she drove him passed out drunk, even ended up physically fighting the police. I took temporary custody of my son and told her if anything like this ever happened again I would take full custody no questions asked. I don't want to hurt my son or damage the relationship with his mother but he needs special attention and she is not able to do that stoned. With all that said, here's what I am asking: If I go to her she will deny it and start covering up better and the problem continues. I go to the authorities and a mess of child services explodes. So, where to start? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 Documentation 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author light yagami Posted January 14, 2016 Author Share Posted January 14, 2016 Understood, but can't say 'nuff said. This needs to be taken care of now. If he was a typical 16 yr old I would agree. He's not. I keep my eye on his facebook and he will be up at 2am posting at her house on a school night, he's told me that he personally had to order pizza at 10 pm because of her not fixing dinner (hindsight and all). When I asked her she said "it wasn't true and they ordered pizza at about 7, he was just exaggerating" Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 Kidnapping. Take the legal hit. If the child's safety is in jeopardy, do what is necessary and let the chips fall where they may. Essentially, you've boxed yourself into a corner with your choices. You want action but don't want the authorities involved. OK, go illegal and take action yourself. I never confuse what is legal with what is right. The law, to me, is an annoyance, as are the people who take my life's work to enrich themselves from it. Hence, soliciting other opinions will likely be beneficial to you Link to post Share on other sites
Author light yagami Posted January 14, 2016 Author Share Posted January 14, 2016 (edited) Ok, not going to do that. I don't WANT to involve the authorities, I will if necessary, honestly I abhor the judicial system and what it does to the people it affects. Here's the question I see 2 options 1. go to her and call her out and risk having her hide it better or 2. Roll the dice and report, deal with the fallout of reporting, and deal with that whole group of jokers. I have first hand experience of what not having a uterus costs in our family courts 3. ????? something I am overlooking. That won't destroy my parenting time with my son. Edited January 14, 2016 by light yagami legibility Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 I would talk to my son. How does he feel about all of your concerns? After my D, my son spent a lot of time with his dad. Not because he wanted to, but because he felt guilty and pressured and thought he needed to take care of his dad. If I had stepped in, I would have damaged my relationship with my son. So instead, we talked a lot, I made sure that I did what I could to mitigate any issues that came up and made my home an environment that my son could relax and feel safe in. Your son may want you to step in, he may not. Unless you think he is in danger, I would let him take the lead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 Wow, I feel for you. I don't know the US court system around custody, but I'm assuming that a 16yo's opinion would carry a LOT of weight. I would talk to your son and see how he feels about staying with her. If he's fine with it, there's probably not a great deal you can do. But if her lack of parenting and weed use bothers him and he doesn't want to go to her house for extended periods, then it's time for court and for him to speak up. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 Your son is 16 years old. He's old enough to decide who he wants to spend time with. He's not some 6 year old child being traded off between the parents and has no say in where he goes. My son went where he wanted when he was 16. Sometimes he spent large amounts of time with his dad, and sometimes he didn't go there for weeks. It was no big deal and neither parent made a stink about it. I'm sure your son is well aware that his mother has serious substance abuse issues. That's not exactly a secret. Where does your son WANT to be? Link to post Share on other sites
LifeNomad Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 (edited) I agree with above poster Edited February 2, 2016 by LifeNomad Link to post Share on other sites
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