mercuryshadow Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 (edited) For much of my son's 10 year life, I have not been with his father. We were young parents, engaged, but I left 4 months after the birth of our child because he was abusing pills (short version). After he cleaned up his act, we began to share custody. From about the time our son was one year old until now, his father has had a revolving door of women come and go. He shows no discretion in regards to how this might affect our son, and cohabitates with them, one after the other. Some relationships have lasted a couple of years, others were shorter in duration. His more recent LTR appeared to be stable. They were together 3 years and they lived together. I began to get the sense that things were not right, and he said things that led me to believe he had someone else lined up (overlapping, as he's done in the past). This weekend he confirmed to me that they had broken up. He said he wanted to tell me before our son did. I called my son (he was there for the weekend) and he sounded upset but I didn't pry. This will have been the 5th woman he's been exposed to and then lost via his father, all in only 10 years. My heart breaks for him. That said, I gleaned that he already has someone new in the wings. I do not care what he does in his own life, but being that he shows no discretion in regard to our son, I am NOT okay with yet another sudden enmeshment with a new girlfriend and then subsequent cohabitation where it involves my son. Between the last two girls, there was literally a few weeks in between one moving out and the other moving in. My son is absolutely affected by this. I'm keeping court in my sights for other reasons, but I wonder if there's some way I can convey my concerns to his father in a non-threatening way? Prior past attempts were met with a lot of justification, excuses and verbal backlash. I know I need to be guarded, but I cannot help but feel like I need to protect my son from his father's poor choices. His relationships are not my business, but when they involve my son (I.e thru constant exposure and cohabitation), then they are certainly of my concern. Edited April 20, 2015 by mercuryshadow Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I agree with you 100%....His father should have how his choices affect your son at the forefront of HIS mind. As it is right now do you have a legal custody agreement and how often does your son stay with his father? You should simply ask your ex if he's considered how the women coming into and out of his life is being seen by your son. Maybe its not something he's even thought of (really sad that he hasn't ). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mercuryshadow Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 (edited) Thank you for that, mammasita... Currently we have a split arrangement where it is basically 60% with me, 40% with his dad. I am looking to have this modified further because when I check in with my son when he is there, his father is often elsewhere (which led me to believe he was engaged in "another relationship"...I've learned the pattern.) my son is, instead, with his paternal grandmother during those times (far too often, imo). While I know his father loves him, I don't believe he is interested in being a parent as he too often shirks his responsibities. The custody arrangement just doesn't make sense. The last time this happened (with the women), I asked to meet out to talk. I was concerned because after his two year live in gf had left, there was a new,woman visiting in their home the very next day. I explained my concerns to him, but they fell on deaf ears. He seemed to think he could keep our son under the impression that these were "just friends." right. Friends who share a home, a bed, etc. Our son is not stupid; he caught on quickly. I honestly don't think he knows how to think past his own desires. I had a lot of hope for him, but I am starting to think he is stuck in some latent stage where his own needs and wants direct his decisions and trump everything else. I'm worried for my son. I also don't want my son to believe that this is how "normal" relationships look...that love is disposable and replaceable. My H and I do our best to model what a loving relationship looks like, and we hope it provides enough stability for him. Edited April 20, 2015 by mercuryshadow Link to post Share on other sites
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