Bigj24 Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Quick snapshot....girl I hooked up with a few times as a rebound is now pregnant. Never did I give any indication that I liked her beyond after 1am. She is 9-10 weeks along and just told me. I haven't so much as texted her in 6 weeks before this news. I want nothing to do with her. She says she's keeping it and I'm terrified. Immediately I was honest and said I want no part of this and never will. Ppl make mistakes and this is one of them. I tried my hardest to convince her to abort. I feel I have a 10% chance. She hooked up with one other guy around the same time but says he too pulled out and it's not likely his. She's had an abortion before. I have a great job and bright future. The courts with obligate CS I know and I will pay the very minimum. This girl lied about being on BC. I don't want to hear all the man up BS and shouldn't have had unprotected sex. I'm 30 and know damn well the risks. How do I convince her to have an abortion? I manned up and was immediately honest about my thoughts and intentions. She even said I don't want this either or child support. She's not religious, so why?? Hoping she had faint hope I'd come around to her but I wont. Two wrongs don't make a right. It's been 24 hours since I layed out my position. Hope it changes hers. Honest feedback please Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I doubt that you will be able to talk her into an abortion. That choice is hers and since she will have to live with her decision you should respect that this is up to her. You say you are 30 yrs old and know the risk of having unprotected sex. Well that's good. You went in to this knowing what you were risking so why complain now? Just be happy that you didn't get something like HIV. If she continues the pregnancy then all you can do is insist on paternity test once the baby is born and start making a budget that includes child support. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 How do I convince her to have an abortion? Honest feedback please Its her choice, not yours. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 OP, A lot of people do not feel right about abortion, not just those with religious beliefs. You had unprotected sex with a girl you only randomly had sex with. You were 30 and "damn well knew the risks" Well great, wouldn't want you to have gone into this blindly or anything. The child she is carrying has nothing to do with whether she was or was not on birth control. You have a great job and a bright future and all you care about is having to pay the minimum child support? Lovely. Another one for the great human beings league. For someone who is 30 and damn well knew the risks, you sure as hell don't want to deal with an ounce of the consequences. I'm going to agree with you on this one - hopefully it is the other guy's baby. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Mandy26 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 30 years old, a great job and all you can think about is paying the minimum. Honestly it will be a child, with feelings. Maybe you should start planning how to at least be financially responsible for this child if it is yours. I am wondering do you have both your parents involved and supportive around you? You are selfish and immature...this is not a doll, it will need love and nurture. If you do not want to stick around and be part of the childs life then at least contribute financially so that this child will not struggle with basic necessities. Hopefully the mother of the child can be mature enough to take care of the child A child needs both a mother and a father. Even if they are not together. Get a grip and grow up. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 You can't force her to do an abortion. All you can do is wait it out and when the baby is born get a paternity test done. If it's not yours, then you have nothing to worry about (though I DO suggest from now on if you continue having casual sex with others, use a condom). If it's yours, then you pay child support. Doesn't mean you have to meet or be in your child's life but you have to be responsible financially. You can be mad all you want to be about it, but it is what it is. (or could be, if the baby is yours.) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 It just seems so wrong to me that a woman can have her child adopted out if she doesn't feel ready to raise it, yet a man can't shirk his (finacial)responsibilities whether he wants them or not...personally I think that in cases like the thread author's he should have the option to adopt out his child too. ie- legally sign the kid over to her and walk away if he chooses. I bet this tramp is only trying to trap a man. I hope it's the other guy's! Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I don't really think that the OP should have to pay for a child he doesn't want. He told her from day one that he didn't want anything to do with her beyond sex...... She is an idiot if she has a child knowing full well that she cannot even afford to support it. Maybe you will change your mind, OP? Do you really not want kids? Or do you just want them with the right woman? As a woman who never wanted kids - I have discovered that I would be thrilled if I were to become pregnant with a man I was in love with and who I was in a loving relationship with. I can totally understand not wanting a child if you don't want anything to do with the woman... I wouldn't want a child unless I was in a happy relationship.... Sadly, you will be forced to pay child support. Just know that you will be contributing to a child's life in some way, try to feel good about helping it out, try to be positive about it. But yeah - I don't think a man should have to sacrifice a lot of his hard earned income in order to support a child that he NEVER wanted and doesn't want anything to do with... Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 30 years old, a great job and all you can think about is paying the minimum. Honestly it will be a child, with feelings. Maybe you should start planning how to at least be financially responsible for this child if it is yours. I am wondering do you have both your parents involved and supportive around you? You are selfish and immature...this is not a doll, it will need love and nurture. If you do not want to stick around and be part of the childs life then at least contribute financially so that this child will not struggle with basic necessities. Hopefully the mother of the child can be mature enough to take care of the child A child needs both a mother and a father. Even if they are not together. Get a grip and grow up. The guys owes the child nothing. He doesn't WANT a child! And the child's mother is an irresponsible moron if she goes on to have a child if she cannot afford the basics for it! How irresponsible can you get!? They had the talk before they slept together. He was honest about his intentions. She should have known this would result; he didn't want a relationship with her, much less her CHILD... A child is a huge life sacrifice; half your income goes towards bringing up a family... he is well within his rights to NOT want to give away half his income towards a child he doesn't even want. Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 He may not want a child but if she has the baby, and the DNA test proves he is the father...he has one. Wanted or not. And he does owe the child. The child is the only person that didn't have a say in the situation. Yes he was clear he did not want a child. But he had unprotected sex anyway. Which means he did nothing to prevent having a child. Now he is dealing with the consequences of his actions. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Trouble is that we do not really know what the relationship between the OP and this woman was. Was it just a hook up or did this woman think it was a relationship? Did she lie about BC, or was it just assumed? WE do not KNOW the truth (we only have the OPs word here) but more importantly the court cannot be expected to unravel all the he said/she said details. They will go on paternity data and if he is the genetic father then he will have to pay, the circumstances are immaterial. Going bareback may feel good at the time, but it has consequences. A 30 year old man is not a naive teenager, he knew the risks and now he has to contribute financially for a child. No-one should be forced to have an abortion, it is a very personal decision and can have long term psychological and physical consequences. If she wants to keep her child and raise it alone, that is no easy road, but a road many women choose to travel daily. At 30 you need to man up, you sound like a schoolboy whining. This child, wanted or not, deserves 2 parents. If it is yours, then you need to accept that responsibility and do your very best to ensure it grows up fit and strong, physically and mentally. It should not be punished for your mistakes. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 The guys owes the child nothing. He doesn't WANT a child! And the child's mother is an irresponsible moron if she goes on to have a child if she cannot afford the basics for it! How irresponsible can you get!? They had the talk before they slept together. He was honest about his intentions. She should have known this would result; he didn't want a relationship with her, much less her CHILD... A child is a huge life sacrifice; half your income goes towards bringing up a family... he is well within his rights to NOT want to give away half his income towards a child he doesn't even want. I didn't see anywhere in the OP's post where he said they had a talk before they slept together. Instead he said he went into the situation fully aware of the risks he was taking. So he wasn't some innocent naïve little boy who didn't know that unprotected sex could lead to pregnancy and/or STDs. He had a choice and he made the wrong one. If men don't want to be trapped into paying child support then they need to stop screwing women without taking any precautions. It doesn't matter if the woman says she is on birth control it's still ultimately the mans responsibility to protect himself. Many years ago I became pregnant by a man who told me he was sterile. We were friends for quite a while before we became bf/gf and I had not reason to doubt him. I didn't even question him. When I became pregnant I asked him who diagnosed him as sterile and when was he given that diagnosis. Oh turns out he was never told by anyone he was sterile, he just thought he was because none of his previous gf's had gotten pregnant. I asked him if his previous gf's had used birth control. Yes, all but one had taken BC very seriously and used it religiously! So basically the guy had decided he was sterile based on the fact that he had one gf years and years ago who never used BC and never became pregnant by him and he never considered that this might of been because she was incapable of becoming pregnant. FACEPALM!! I wanted to freaking kill him but that wouldn't undo the situation I was in because I had stupidly believed a total idiot. And from that situation I learned my lesson which is that my body and my desire to not become pregnant is 100% my responsibility. It doesn't matter if a guy tells me he's sterile or had a vasectomy or whatever it's still my job to protect myself or pay the consequences of turning over my personal responsibility to some dumb guy. Same goes for the OP. If he doesn't want children then he shouldn't go around impregnating women. He did this to himself. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Dybbuk Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 (edited) It's funny how you don't want to hear the "man up" BS because you knew damn well the risks... and yet here you are having to make a grown up decision because you STILL chose to have unprotected sex knowing said risks... ? It's like you want to consciously avoid reason and logical thought... Well. Bad news: Her body, her choice. If she wants to keep a baby, even if it's not wanted by you (or even the other guy) then she can do so. What you are asking her to do (abort the child) isn't a decision to be taken lightly. Many women carry with them a lifetime of pain, regret, and remorse for having an abortion. Many of them are ostracized from their friends/family for doing it. You said so yourself she has had an abortion before, and maybe she can't do it again. I am not defending her on this either. It takes two to do the deed and she was just as stupid to allow herself to be in this situation, but YOU need to still man the hell up and realize this is just as much your fault as hers. You can make it known to her and everyone else that you didn't want to be with her, but you still chose to take the chance and screw her without a condom. Guess who has no choice in the matter, and no choice about what kind of life they will be given? The baby. The baby is an innocent, hasn't done anything wrong nor made a conscious choice about anything for it's life. You two made those choices, so YES you will need to man the hell up and figure out (if the child is born and is yours) how to provide for it. You knew better and just rejected the knowledge. That makes your decisions in this whole matter stupid. You better be scared ****less because accidentally bringing a kid into this world is at least an 18 year commitment. Decide now (if that child is yours) what role you play and if you want nothing to do with the kid that sign those CS checks and for Christ sake LEARN YOUR LESSON. Edited January 28, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 It appears this thread was a drive-by and the thread starter never logged back in after posting it so I'll thank members for their contributions and close this up. Link to post Share on other sites
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