Babysitting for 12yr old son, thoughts....

[Mirages]

I am transitioning from a form of employment where I could have the kids with me, to a conventional job out of the house. We are divorced, son is 12 years old. Any experiences with leaving such home alone during summers?

 

He will start cooking and burn up the kitchen, I'd electrically disable heating elements to prevent such. I also worry that he will have nothing (good) to do, and if I leave the internet available, then he'll have plenty of bad to do. He maturity and intelligence strike me as 50-60th percentile; his weakness includes conformity to idiots, and extreme periods of lazyness. I can summarize and call him typical for his age.

 

My daycare center is good with my younger daughter, but they have few if any kids over 11. The legal policy in our state is vague, basically it is legal, but when the house burns down then it's neglect. One of those vague but stinging legal climates.

 

I mainly seek advice based on experiences, thanks.

[ASG]

Isn't there something like summer camp where you live? I think that's how I spent the whole month of July when I was a teenager. I don't remember if my brother and I were left alone at age 12... But at age 13/14 we definitely were... Never tried cooking anything, anyway, so the house was safe!!

[Mirages]

Thanks,

Camps that are longer than a week are rare here. We have some that are about a week, if that, to deal with horses, etc. They are good, but I am looking at daily coverage type of thing, or more specifically addressing when most pre-teens get to stay at home alone. So by 13 you were alone, and you did not blow up or burn anything! I had an older sister, much older, so my young years were not an issue of babysitting.

 

I know a lot of house fires are started, and then delayed to call any help, when kids are left to their own. Placing him in daycare with the pacifier and diaper crowd at 12-13 really isn't common either.

 

The secondary concern is how to guide him to usefulness for alone time, TV and internet, unsupervised, alone is likely to make for scrambled brains for him. When I was that age I was obsessed with learning, reading, physical training. 90% of kids are not, mine is not... My neighborhood is farmland with no safe road or neighbor access for him.

[mammasita]

It really depends on your comfort level with your son. I was leaving my son home at 12 while I was at work and didn't feel the need to disable anything. He knew not to open the door etc..... At the same time, I work 7 miles from home so could pop in and check on him.

[eye of the storm]

It all depends on the kid. From your description of your son. I would say, he is not ready for all day all summer alone.

 

When my kids were at that inbetween age, I found a teenager with too much time on her hands too. I left a daily list of activities I wanted done. some were silly such as water gun fights and some were normal, an hour of math or science and clean rooms/house when I got home. I got them a science "fair" type of book and told them to pick a couple of projects to do over the summer. They actually had a good time. I didn't pay her much, but it was more than she would have made trashing her parents house and I kept her in chips and soda all summer. I used her 2 summers and then she went off to work a real job and my kids were old enough to trash the house on their own. LOL

 

But again, from the way you describe your son, I would not leave him home alone all day for 3 months.

[amaysngrace]

They may have online educational programs that will prepare him for the next school year.

 

I'd ask his school guidance counselor about purchasing one of those.

 

Also I'd check at the local library for any programs they offer for summer. They have summer reading but they also have day events that he may be interested in.

 

I wouldn't leave him home alone all day every day with nothing to do though. He should have some age-appropriate responsibilities and activities.

[ASG]

Thanks,

Camps that are longer than a week are rare here. We have some that are about a week, if that, to deal with horses, etc. They are good, but I am looking at daily coverage type of thing, or more specifically addressing when most pre-teens get to stay at home alone. So by 13 you were alone, and you did not blow up or burn anything! I had an older sister, much older, so my young years were not an issue of babysitting.

 

I know a lot of house fires are started, and then delayed to call any help, when kids are left to their own. Placing him in daycare with the pacifier and diaper crowd at 12-13 really isn't common either.

 

The secondary concern is how to guide him to usefulness for alone time, TV and internet, unsupervised, alone is likely to make for scrambled brains for him. When I was that age I was obsessed with learning, reading, physical training. 90% of kids are not, mine is not... My neighborhood is farmland with no safe road or neighbor access for him.

 

The summer camps I went to were weekly as well, but they had several every week, so my parents would just "enroll" us in whichever one we wanted for the 4 weeks of July, just so we weren't bored at home.

It was mostly going camping for a week, or going to the beach/woods every day type thing. I had a blast every summer until I was about 15 doing that.

 

It wasn't so much the not being allowed to stay at home alone, we actually looked forward to camp every year, as we got to hang out with our friends (it was offered through our school) during that month. The rest of the summer we'd stay home alone or go on holiday with my parents.

[anika99]

Also look for day camps. I remember spending almost a whole summer one year enrolled in various day camps that were offered by the YMCA. Basically it ran from 9-5 on weekdays. Everyday was fun and full of activities. Swimming one day, field trip to the zoo the next, maybe some arts and crafts one day, etc.

[Mirages]

Thanks for the thoughts. I do have a YMCA locally and hold them in high esteem. Despite their website being a bit vague, I'll stop in and see what they can do along these lines.

 

My son's motivation level is strange... He wants to get into intellectual chat with me on the abstract, such as the other day, why engine compression leakage is related specifically to low end torque loss on motor vehicles, or discuss classical musicians histories. But he will not read unless I directly observe. At this point, any attempt to pick up get materials and have him self-initiate would not work with this fellow.

 

YMCA activities will work, and keep the house safe!

[littleplanet]

12 is plenty old enough to be home alone.

Of course, self-motivation and some form of structure would be advantageous.

But why would he need to be constantly home?

Is your house in some kind of location where independent mobility is impossible for a 12 year-old?

My 13 year-old, many years ago.....had the run of the city (and my city is not small.)

But then - we lived urban. Not suburban.

The most important thing is that he'd been raised all along to handle such a thing.

 

Friends....and activities seem to be the missing ingredients here.

That's what I did at that age. Often no adult in the picture.

But I was a reader, and also addicted to endless activity - athletics, rambles with the boys, and bike rides all over creation....not to mention walking neighbors' dogs. Hanging around with girls.

Sociability was the key. And trouble was easy to avoid.

And in this day and age - a bit of checking in by cell phone keeps you in the picture.

 

You still have the better part of 5 months to work on it.

Perhaps some volunteer activity? Supervised by trusted adults, of course.

Boy scouts used to provide ample opportunity for that. Involvement in community.....being useful and actually needed for something. Great stuff for the self-esteem.

 

I don't believe a "typical" pre-teen is that much of a slug.

Not if they're actually looking forward to growing up.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I enrolled my 12 year old in a summer day camp that had activities and field trips everyday. They were the oldest group. It lasted about two weeks and he was begging to stay at home. I had just gone back to work for the first time since he was born. He was not allowed to use the stove or oven while I was gone and his sister would be in and out depending on her work/school schedule.

 

What happened though, is he slept til late afternoon and watched TV and played video games. I was lucky that friends would invite him to spend the day every now and then but it wasn't really working for us so I gave up the job.

 

I think 12 is old enough to stay at home, I do think that they get bored if they aren't particularly motivated. I wonder if you could land him a "job" a day or two a week? Any chance that there's a garage nearby that might need a kids to clean up or clean tools? He seems interested in cars.