Dontfindme Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Hi everyone I have a 13 year old brother, who is failing at every subject in school. He's in 8th grade. He's not unable to understand the material - he's just extremely lazy, and when we (parents and I) ask him about what he's doing, if he has homework, etc. he just lies to us and comes up with a million excuses. We've had the "education is important" talk with him so many times, that I'm sick of it myself. I really don't know what to do at this point. Just tired of his complete disregard for school. This disregard started right after he found a girlfriend (he refuses to talk about her). When I ask him what he wants to be - he answers "heart surgeon" and I just want to shake him. Sigh. Have any of you guys experienced this? What helped to resolve this, if anything? Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 We are going through it with my 15 year old stepdaughter - except thst last year she was a straight-A, on-the-track-to-be-valedectorian student. She loves and wants to study astronomy; "gets" math and science but has lost the will - or "grit" - to do anything towards her education, which she knows is important. In her case, she has seen doctors and is now on anti-depressants. There has been little turnaround, but we are hoping it is mostly chemical. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 If there are no issues at home, I think it most likely has to do with their choice of friends. Kids who are surrounded with peers who value education, who are expected to get into a good college, whose parents are involved & have high expectations, etc. do better than kids who are surrounded with peers who think school is stupid, might go to community college, and whose parents have low expectations. I have seen this time & time again throughout my life. However, the kid will never admit that their friends have that much influence over them. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Are you just talking? What about action? Surely you can verify if he has homework or not. My son is 13 also - his school has a portal that I can log into and see EVERYTHING. Daily assignments, missing assignments, test/quiz scores. Has anyone gone to the school and spoken with his teachers? Set up conferences show your brother that you/your parents are involved and this isn't a joke. I tell my son that I will sit in his class, hold his hand and walk him to the front of the class to turn in assignments. He doesn't like that very much because "mom is embarrassing" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Also, the school probably has engrade or a similar website where you can log in and see your kids grades and assignments. I can easily log in and see what is due tomorrow, if the homework was turned in, when the next test is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dontfindme Posted December 16, 2014 Author Share Posted December 16, 2014 We have Schoology; checking that has helped a bit. I do see some work getting turned in - you can't even imagine the happiness I feel when I see it. I do forget to check sometimes, when I get busy with my own work. My parents are the least computer literate people, so this ends up being my responsibility. I should focus on this more. We have also met all the teachers separately, we go to the parent-teacher conferences. We actually have a meeting today with the Science teacher - he's failing Science again. It's just exhausting. In terms of the company he keeps, he does have a few slacker friends. His girlfriend however is a straight A student. We put him in test prep, and tutoring. I can't find a way to motivate him. I don't understand why it has to be so hard. I wish there was a way where I could show him - so that he could have some sort of an epiphany or something. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 My son's holy grail is his XBOX and iPhone. Heaven forbid I take those. He knows if he gets anything below a C he loses things.....and even a C, his access is restricted until the C goes up. Have you taken "things" from your brother? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 We check the website weekly (by Wed at the latest), and any incomplete assignments must be verified turned in or our child is not allowed to socialize that weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dontfindme Posted December 16, 2014 Author Share Posted December 16, 2014 My son's holy grail is his XBOX and iPhone. Heaven forbid I take those. He knows if he gets anything below a C he loses things.....and even a C, his access is restricted until the C goes up. Have you taken "things" from your brother? Well- we've been hesitant to take away his iPod - which is his holy grail I guess, because he has saved up money and bought it with 'his' money. Maybe I'll just take away the wifi. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Well- we've been hesitant to take away his iPod - which is his holy grail I guess, because he has saved up money and bought it with 'his' money. Maybe I'll just take away the wifi. Yep, change the password and don't give it to him until he finishes his work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dontfindme Posted December 17, 2014 Author Share Posted December 17, 2014 Does this ever end? Is this just a stage? God, I hope so. Link to post Share on other sites
austyre Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 go easy if he is having trouble with the work maybe he is not ready for it yet?/ in real world homework does not exist but IF your concerned about his education find out what motivates him???? what he is interested in not the standard questions ( like what do you want to be) dig a bit more ask something in detail like going fishing throw out the line and see what you find out Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 (edited) Are you just talking? What about action? Surely you can verify if he has homework or not. My son is 13 also - his school has a portal that I can log into and see EVERYTHING. Daily assignments, missing assignments, test/quiz scores. Has anyone gone to the school and spoken with his teachers? Set up conferences show your brother that you/your parents are involved and this isn't a joke. I tell my son that I will sit in his class, hold his hand and walk him to the front of the class to turn in assignments. He doesn't like that very much because "mom is embarrassing" I agree. Simply talking to a 13 year old probably will not help. He's still a very young kid and the parents need a more hands-on approach and also need to establish consequences. They can meet with his teachers, actively ask what he learned and what his homework is, keep abreast of the grades, if he needs tutoring help him get it and if it's really a matter of laziness, then withholding luxuries: games, cell phone, tv, internet privileges etc. until he pulls up his grades will speak volumes. As for the idea that the real world doesn't have homework . The real world has responsibilities though and homework is one of them for a kid, as an adult it doesn't change. Depending on your job you may have tasks, projects and responsibilities you need to complete, not to mention doing well in school is a building block for your future. You may not need college (although I'd argue about that) but certainly not even passing middle school doesn't bode well for you. If he wants to be a heart surgeon (which I mean he is a kid so this will likely change) you can use that to motivate him to do better in school pointing out that you need to go to college and med school to do that and all that is dependent on how well you've done in school. My little cousin is 15 and she wants to be a vet and her mom got her into a vet shadowing program where she goes two days a week after school and they have a veterinarian summer school program she's going to next summer. But that has helped her to focus a lot more in school because she has something concrete to do and good influences. I've always done well in school and I've also always had extracurricular activities related to my interests that were productive: I was a candy striper in high school, in the 4H club in elementary, National Honor Society president in HS, student government secretary is HS, Kiwanis club in middle school, field hockey, French Club.I mean at every level of schooling I participated in something productive that gave me guidance and like-minded friend. Perhaps he can become involved in some kind of science program or hospital volunteering or something to get him focused so that he can be excited about school. Edited December 30, 2014 by MissBee Link to post Share on other sites
austyre Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 I agree. As for the idea that the real world doesn't have homework . The real world has responsibilities bs You don't get paid to do homework???/ and with responsibility you get paid$$$ for it you know a bit of a incentive I mean what is the incentive for a 13 yr old to do homework I am being serious should the school pay him to do it might be a incentive? Link to post Share on other sites
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