EvieB Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 My son is 14yrs old, His father and I broke up 5yrs ago after i found out he had a one night stand but he has been trying hard to get me back ever since, I was 14 when i had my son, I have worked so hard to be the best parent possible to him, He was always hard work but for the last year he seems to be breaking every rule he can find. A few months ago I started dating some guy I really liked and my son kept saying that things like I should be "giving is dad another chance instead of sleeping with other guys", He would get so angry with me about it. That relationship ended when my kid threw a brick through his car window. At his teacher meeting last week his teacher told me that he can be a bit of a delinquent, biting and punching other students, I felt like a bad mom but all his dad done was laugh! Afterwards when my ex & were talking he told me he loved me and started kissing me, When I told him to stop he just smirked and said that our kid takes after his dad when it comes to other men in my life, I still dont know what he meant. My son is a good kid to me but he respects his dad more than me and what his dad says goes, I know he wants us back together and i still love my ex but im afraid of getting hurt again. Any advice on how to handle my son & what to do with my ex as I think he is using our son to wreak my relationships & I don't know how much more I can take! Am I being paranoid? Link to post Share on other sites
Author EvieB Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 Any advice at all guys? Link to post Share on other sites
mercuryshadow Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 On possibly getting back with your ex: trust your gut. More often than not, someone who has cheated in the past will cheat again. However, your ex sounds like a bad influence on your son if he truly laughed at your son's bad behaviors. A parent should be concerned, not amused. That in itself is a big red flag to consider. If you are going to date, I would advise you to keep you to keep this part of your life away from your son, until you find a relationship that is stable and seems to be heading for the long haul. That way you'll be able to, with time, confide in your SO about your son's issues and it won't come as a surprise to him. In general, introducing kids to new dating partners in an uninhibited fashion is a reckless idea and seems to be the source of your son's resentment. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 I think the lack of responses in this thread is because there are deeper issues than "Is he using our kid to ruin my relationships". I realize you are 28/29, but you need to realize your son is a teenager and is going to act out REGARDLESS. We'll never know what the other parent is saying to the fullest extent, but I think you might be misdirecting your attention at the real issue here. Your son just might feel like you are trying to replace his father at a time that the world is a very confusing and angsty place for him. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 Based on your ex's attitude he doesn't sound like a great role model for your son. Your son's behaviour isn't funny and your ex should be concerned, not laughing about it. Vandalism and violence towards other students is serious. That being said, I agree with the others. The problem isn't so much the ex as it is that your son needs to be protected from your dating life. I'm not being judgemental as I've been there. I was a young single mother of two boys and I made poor choices that I wish I could take back. When I was 30 my oldest son was 14 and I let my bf move in with us. My youngest son who was only 9 at the time, had no problem with it, but the 14 yr old didn't like it one bit. My bf was not mean or abusive to my children but it still wasn't a good time to be letting a man invade our household. The teen years are tough and I wish I hadn't imposed my romantic life on my kids as my 14 yr old suffered for it. You only have a few more years left with your son. Let him be your priority and if you must date, don't have the guys sleeping over or interacting with your son. Kids, especially boys, don't like to see their mothers with strange men. Might sound hard and unfair but it's only for a few more years 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThorntonMelon Posted September 14, 2014 Share Posted September 14, 2014 You need to stop dating immediately. You still have feelings for your ex, you let him violate all your boundaries, and in my opinion you're still prioritizing his feelings over those of the men you date. Frankly I would guess you enjoy the drama he brings to your world. I don't feel as strongly about the others as it relates to dating while your son is home - I think plenty of kids deal with their divorced parents dating - they don't like it but they deal. However, because you refuse to set real boundaries with your ex, your son thinks he's doing something good on his father's behalf. Your ex left not because of your son, but because you wouldn't stand up for the relationship. So don't date until you will. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Based on your ex's attitude he doesn't sound like a great role model for your son. Your son's behaviour isn't funny and your ex should be concerned, not laughing about it. Vandalism and violence towards other students is serious. That being said, I agree with the others. The problem isn't so much the ex as it is that your son needs to be protected from your dating life. I'm not being judgemental as I've been there. I was a young single mother of two boys and I made poor choices that I wish I could take back. When I was 30 my oldest son was 14 and I let my bf move in with us. My youngest son who was only 9 at the time, had no problem with it, but the 14 yr old didn't like it one bit. My bf was not mean or abusive to my children but it still wasn't a good time to be letting a man invade our household. The teen years are tough and I wish I hadn't imposed my romantic life on my kids as my 14 yr old suffered for it. You only have a few more years left with your son. Let him be your priority and if you must date, don't have the guys sleeping over or interacting with your son. Kids, especially boys, don't like to see their mothers with strange men. Might sound hard and unfair but it's only for a few more years I think this is the only option you have OP. If he cared about you [your son], he will eventually realize how unfair to impose his way is on you. Also, boys grow up trying to emulate their dad, to be in their shoes so by default they are protective of their mother. The bf entering the picture, shows that you 'belong' to another, so there is bound to be conflict. Link to post Share on other sites
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