son keeps picking poop out of his diaper. !!!

[hcd03]

I am getting SOOO frustrated with this. My son is 4 years old and still in diapers. I know that sounds wrong, but please listen. My son was born incredibly early and has had delays in development. However, he is quickly catching up to many of his issues. He is now talking, playing, going to preschool with kids his own age. However, I just cannot get him to potty train. And recently, in the past few months, he has started picking the poop out of his diaper. Usually he'll only do it when he's alone. But he'll pull it out, manage to smear it all over himself and his bed and the floor. My fiance and I have continually expressed our disapproval of this and have told him over and over again to call for us if he needs to poop or if he poops in his diaper. He keeps on doing it, and I have tried everything i can think of to get him to stop. We've tried spanking, and we've tried making him clean it up himself. We've even just let him lay in it. It sounds so horrible, I know. But what can I do?

 

Can anyone give me some ideas on how to stop this? And also non-traditional ideas on how to potty train? He doesn't care whether he's sitting in a wet diaper or not and won't ever indicate when he has to go. He also wants to get off the potty immediately after getting on. I'm at the end of my rope and I'm getting tired of cleaning up the messes. And it's getting embarrassing having other women "tut tut" in public restrooms when I change him.

 

Oh, and one more thing. Despite his delays, he is incredibly intelligent. He understands everything we tell him. We hold conversations with him like a regular child, and he pushes his limits knowingly like regular children. Mentally, he is intelligent. Physically, he is catching up.

[Gwyneth]

I have heard about this before (the picking the poop out of the diaper).

 

But first, as for potty training, try having him sit on the toilet the same time(s) every day when he would normally go in his diaper. Have him get used to the idea of pooping in the toilet and watching it flush away. Also have him get used to the idea of sitting on the toilet and that whole routine. Once he's routined, hopefully he will get the idea.

 

Has he said why he picks his poop out of his diaper? Does he think it's funny, or that it's dirt / mud? Try explaining to him that he will become ill if he keeps doing this (especially if he eats it, but don't give him any ideas).

 

Does he have any similiar habits? One of my brothers used to pick his nose and hang the buggers on the wall. He was about 3 or 4 as well. Dirty things like these might be a boy thing? Neither is acceptable and if your son is caught at school doing this, I am not sure How the school would react to your son doing this and I would worry about that as well. Ask your son's teachers if they have any suggestions as well. I am sure they have experienced this before with other students or who knows, their own children / nieces / nephews as well.

 

Do some research as well. Good Luck

[Green]

I'm not a parent, but maybe you could take him to a childs psycholgist to help him get toilet trained. If he enters kindergarden unable to use a toilet he may end up getting teased alot

[Gwyneth]

I'm not sure if a child can enter kindergarten w/out being potty trained, unless he's in a special program. I actually did some teacher observations at a specialized hospital where the five and six year olds still weren't potty trained. Most of them couldn't physically do it. So, there is help out there. A psyhologist might be a good start.

[whichwayisup]

Involve a specialist. Go to your child's doctor and find out some information. You say he has development issues, well, this is one of them. Or, he is acting out..Either way, it has to stop and he has to be potty trained soon. Don't blame yourself, sounds like you've tried your best and are at wit's end with him. Though I'm not sure about about spanking him...

 

Is it possible your son is autistic?

[Gwyneth]

I thought maybe autism was a case here too, but I didn't want to ask.

 

I don't think spanking him is bad--he just isn't getting it so the spanking isn't working. Never worked for me either--I'd say "that didn't hurt."

[hcd03]

I don't think he's autistic. Usually, the pediatricians are pleased with his progress and have not expressed any concerns about it when I brought it up.

 

I personally think he may have a severe case of ADD or ADHD but doctor's can't diagnose it until 5 or 6. I usually don't buy into the ADD thing just cuz I think it's a way for teachers/parents to control the children without having to work at it. However, I do believe there are cases out there that truly have a reason to be on meds. My son's father was homeschooled and he had to be taught his alphabet while he climbed up and down a pole in the basement because he was just so hyper. And my son definitely has an attention problem. he can't stay with anything for long. But I'm just going to have to wait to see.

 

As for the poop, we have a theory but there's not much we can do about it. We think that when he poops he just finds it uncomfortable and irritating, so he takes it out to feel better instead of calling for us or something. Unfortunately, he has no problem sucking on his hands after they've been smeared with it. And no, he doesn't get that it can make him sick. For all I know, he thinks they're rocks and he can just get them out. And we usually don't catch him until he's already done it because he doesn't make any noise or anything to alert us of his pooping until we smell it, which by then is too late if he's alone (ie, taking a nap or in bed for the night.)

 

Fortunately, he has one more year of preschool before kindergarten, so I'm hoping he'll be potty trained before kindergarten. And typically, if he poops at school, he's never alone to do it. He currently has an assistant helping him because he has a depth perception/balance issue which can be dangerous in certain areas.

 

Thank you for the routine advice. I tried to do it every hour but that eventually wore me out. I may just try it every few hours and see if the concept catches on. Maybe I should dump his diapers and put him in regular underwear? I read that diapers pull the wetness away from children's skin so they don't feel it so much and that by putting regular underwear on, there'll be more accidents but the child will feel it and be uncomfortable enough to start using the bathroom when needed? Has anyone ever tried this before? If so, did it work?

[sally4sara]

My brother did this but at a younger age. About two years old. He stopped by three because he was being potty trained.

Two reasons why this was being that he also had problems "holding" and ended up on medication for a while to allow the muscle we use to hold get stronger, and he just wasn't the kind of child you can allow to get bored. If he woke quietly from a nap and no one checked in on him for a while, he got bored and started uhhh well, painting. This was how my mom knew he was ready to get down to some serious potty training.

 

Guess what my brother ended up being? A painter. One who doesn't have a poop fetish and IS weird but in a good way.

[Gwyneth]

I have major ADD--it's sad, really.

 

Well if the doctors have already ruled out Autism, then I would think that's not the issue here. For some reason he thinks it is Okay for him to pick his poo out of his diaper. First I'd be concerned that he's still in a diaper at the age of 4, then I'd be concerned about picking the poo. If he wasn't still in a diaper, he wouldn't pick at the poo--unless he reached into the toilet.

 

As long as he isn't eating the poo. Also, for him to smear it onto his bed is very bad. Poo contains all sorts of bactertia and what nots that humans shouldn't touch.

 

I would try having him sit on the toilet every day at the time he normally goes poops in his diaper. That way he will get used to the idea of going on the toilet. His body will also get used to this and he will form a pattern (and hopefully stick to it and be able to hold it in if a toilet is unavailable).

[Art_Critic]

Your problem isn't that he is playing with his poop, your problem is that he isn't toilet trained.

Any toddler that isn't toilet trained by the age of 4 is going to play and dig his poop out of his diaper.. he wants it out.. he wants to be toilet trained and he cannot do that himself..

 

Google toilet training toddlers

 

Your fix is getting him toilet trained.. it is going to be hard work and require more attention being paid to the child by the parents on his cues to teach him bowel control..

[LucreziaBorgia]

I'm surprised that the pediatrician isn't concerned. Have you considered a second opinion from a different pediatrician or developmental specialist?

[stillafool]

He definitely needs to be potty trained ASAP, but in the meantime change his diapers immediately to keep him from doing this.

[hcd03]

Some people aren't reading the previous posts. My son is not potty trained at the age of 4 due to developmental delays. He was a severe preemie and suffered massive brain hemmorraghing at birth. While he is nearly caught up in most things (ie talking, walking, his alphabet, numbers, etc), he is still not grasping the concept of using the toilet at this time despite my attention. And we change his diaper ASAP when we are aware that he has pooped. We cannot watch him 24/7 and he usually only does this when he's supposed to be taking a nap or is in bed for the night. He is able to pee on the toilet when we put him on it, but he won't grasp the concept of letting us know when he has to pee, so every time we try and ween him to the next stage (letting us know he has to go instead of taking him every hour) he doesn't get it and will pee in his diaper every time.

 

I am asking for alternatives to the traditional "take child to the potty every hour, move on once he starts indicating he has to go, etc". My son just isn't indicating ever, so I'm asking for some way to make him feel like it's of the greatest necessity to go to the bathroom in the toilet. I understand if he was potty trained, he probably wouldn't be picking his poop. If anyone has any advice from usuing alternatives with their own children, I would appreciate it.

 

Thanks!

[whichwayisup]

You and your husband need to involve a professional, whether it be a specialist or your son's family doctor. Or, look into naturalpathic remedies - But again, involve your Dr or find a naturalpathtic Dr to help you.

[Gwyneth]

I agree. A good doctor can give you the best advice. And do some research on the net if you haven't already.

 

The only alternative I can think of is lying to him about touching his poop--if you are willing to lie to him. My mom did this to my sister about chewing bubble bum--she told her when she was a little girl that if she kept chewing gum, she'd turn into a warewolf. The girl is an adult now and still won't chew gum--ever. It's a lie, but a white lie--won't hurt the kid either way ().

[Trialbyfire]

Try a discussion about hygiene. Explain that there are germs in the feces, which are a huge amount of little tiny bugs he can't see. If he smears the feces all over himself, he will be smearing creepy, crawly bugs all over him, which will make him sick. This same technique can be used to encourage baths.

[Gwyneth]

Try a discussion about hygiene. Explain that there are germs in the feces, which are a huge amount of little tiny bugs he can't see. If he smears the feces all over himself, he will be smearing creepy, crawly bugs all over him, which will make him sick. This same technique can be used to encourage baths.

 

I'm thinking this child doesn't really care much about hygeine, or understand the importance of it. How many kids his age even do?

 

I say go with a monster / warewolf story. Little boys find bugs interesting, not scary like monsters.

[Trialbyfire]

I'm thinking this child doesn't really care much about hygeine, or understand the importance of it. How many kids his age even do?

 

I say go with a monster / warewolf story. Little boys find bugs interesting, not scary like monsters.

While my nephews weren't terribly interested in hygiene, the thought of a million bugs crawling all over them, pretty much grossed them out enough that bath time became a non-issue.

 

Friends of mine have also used this technique on their children and it seems to work.

[sally4sara]

Try letting him run around with an under shirt and no diaper when you are home. When he feels a BM coming on, the situation might not feel right to him and he might alert you.

I still say you should check with a doctor to see if his holding muscles are just not as strong as they should be BECAUSE he was born under developed. My brother was born early too and this was the case with him.

[Gwyneth]

While my nephews weren't terribly interested in hygiene, the thought of a million bugs crawling all over them, pretty much grossed them out enough that bath time became a non-issue.

 

Friends of mine have also used this technique on their children and it seems to work.

 

I guess so. I am still scared of bugs. I saw a centapede in my apt a few weeks ago and screamed.

 

OP: Try monsters, bugs, whatever it takes. Just keep trying, but definitely talk to a professional--even a psychologist, and do some research.

[Rainbow Gem]

Hey, I really am sorry to hear you and your son are going through such tough time. My oldest boy had kidney and urinary problems and my daughter has had some bowel issues and I really sympathize. They are older now and some of it has improved and some of it hasn't.

 

I think that you are doing a great job so far because you are so aware of when it happens and have tried to get your ped doctor involved. And it is so hard to not get frustrated and mad. I know, I have been there time and time again. And it is not helpful to have those other parents who don't have a clue as to what you are doing to get help for your son. I think that it is amazing and great that he is doing well so many areas as a preemie.

 

I have taken my kids to ped specialists who focus on the behavioral issues and how that is possibly related to bowel and bladder issues. I would also suggest that you try and find a preemie support group in your area. Maybe the doctor or a large medical facility could suggest one that can give you some support with this because there could be other families dealing with this very same thing. You need to know that you and your family are not alone in this.

 

And as far as trying to hygiene with a four year old -- good luck! He needs to know that you love him and I would back off and regroup with the toilet training. Get some of those DVDs that have different cartoon characters talking about the experience. A lot can happen in the next year and if it doesn't improve you need to get the support of specialists. Check out your options because (and I am not totally sure about this) but he could receive additional support and assistance at school if he has some behavioral issues.

 

And I think you and your SO need to get some time away and even if it is for an afternoon. Get out and away and hopefully it will ease your frustration.

 

Good luck!

[littlekitty]

Your problem isn't that he is playing with his poop, your problem is that he isn't toilet trained.

Any toddler that isn't toilet trained by the age of 4 is going to play and dig his poop out of his diaper.. he wants it out.. he wants to be toilet trained and he cannot do that himself..[/u]..

 

I agree with what Art is saying about why he might be doing this.

 

Try letting him run around with an under shirt and no diaper when you are home. When he feels a BM coming on, the situation might not feel right to him and he might alert you.

I still say you should check with a doctor to see if his holding muscles are just not as strong as they should be BECAUSE he was born under developed. My brother was born early too and this was the case with him.

 

I think Sally has a good idea too. Perhaps the no diaper thing might help? And checking his muscle development.

 

Something else to think about.... does he understand about bowel movements? Often when starting potty training - especially with bowel movements, a child can be very scared about going in a toilet. They are used to having it come out in a diaper and be close to them. They can feel that they are letting part of their body go, and that it will be flushed away/lost if they aren't going in a diaper. It might be worth googling that, as it's a pretty common thing with potty training.

 

He might be old enough to realise it's not particularly comfortable to go a diaper anymore, or even just old enough to wonder what it is and play with it, but too scared to go in the toilet. Peeing in a toilet and pooing are two different things.