Do you ever wish your kids came with an off switch

[lexi29]

I probably sound like a b*tch saying this but do you ever wish your kids had an "off switch"? That sometimes they just irritate you so much you wish you could just shut them off for awhile? Or take a time out. I don't have any kids myself, but my bf (well he's my fiance' now) has an 8 yr old son that lives with him. Normally he and I get along great. I love him and would do anything for him. His dad proposed to me last week and he is thrilled!! He tells EVERYONE that his dad and I are getting married and he is just so excited. Anyway I spent the night with them on friday night. I rarely stay when his son is there but he really wanted me to (they both did) so I decided to. Well his son was so excited I was spending the night. At 9pm (we usually don't go to bed till 11 or midnight) his son wanted to go to bed. He wanted to sleep in bed with us and my bf said it was ok just this once.

 

No problem so far. Well his son got mad because he wanted to sleep next to me. Threw a fit because he wanted to sleep right beside ME. so we put him in the middle between us, he got too hot and wanted me to sleep in the middle. I said no, I would be too crowded in the middle and get too warm and that why couldn't he just sleep next to his dad (on the end) or in his own bed. Well that just broke his heart and he stormed out in the living room and cried. I left him alone for awhile but got tired of the crying so I went out and comforted him. He said he wasn't tired now so he stayed up and played his play station. He kept turning it up loud trying to get our attention. His dad talked to him told him to turn it down or he was not allowed to play it. So he turned on a movie and did the same thing (turned it up loudly) His dad got up and told him the same thing. By this time it is almost 11pm and I"m tired and want to sleep. I finally went out and told his son that I would sleep in the middle so he'd come to bed. He fell asleep immediately. I couldn't sleep because I was too warm and crowded so I got up and went to sleep on his son's bed.

 

My bf lives in a duplex and he has the downstairs apartment. All night I had to listen to his upstairs neighbor lady yap on the phone (she must have called ten different people), scream at her cats, and drag furniture (or else she was bowling, sounded the same ha ha) all over her apartment. Evidently she is one of those people who sleeps all day and is up (and noisy) all night. I never slept an entire hour without waking up to noises from upstairs. I had dreams of getting a tranquilizer gun and shooting her with it so I could get some sleep!

 

I probably got about five hours of sleep (and it was very interrupted) and then his son wakes us up at 7am! (on a saturday). so I was very tired and somewhat moody. I had a headache and was just not feeling good. Normally, his son's behavior doesn't bother me, I think he is adorable, I play games with him, etc. Well that morning pretty much everything he did annoyed me! He just wouldn't sit still, he was constantly bouncing around, jiggling his feet and shaking the couch, wanting to wrestle with his dad (and my bf has had really bad head aches for the two days and his son is hitting him in the head with pillows even after we both yelled at him for doing so. He also can't talk in a normal tone of voice- everything he said was LOUD. He plays the tv loud! His playstation games he turns up LOUD.

 

When he walked from one room to the other he would skip or stomp and make lots of noise. All I wanted was peace and quiet after a whole entire night of being awakened by the neighbor's screaming, dragging furniture, yelling on the phone, talking loudly etc I just wanted some quiet time and his son was just loud and obnoxious (to my ears) and I couldn't stand it. I stayed there and dealt with it and I was worried about my reaction! I mean I love the kid but he was literally driving me crazy. I didnt' want to be around him at all! I think he sensed it in a way because he cuddled up to his dad instead of me. He wanted to go to his cousin's house to play and I practically begged his dad to take him there (not in front of him) and finally he did and we had some alone time and quiet time. I've never had this reaction to him before but that day I couldn't handle his running around, making loud noises, inability to sit still etc (in other words being a normal eight year old) Has anyone else ever felt like this around your own kids or someone else's (who you are close to)?

[Geishawhelk]

Well this is classic.

he's exercising control issues.

He doesn't know it of course, but he's actually competing with his dad for your attention, because he's jealous of you.

He wants his dad, not you. You've come between him and his dad, so he's trying to claim you, and get attention from his dad.

 

I know it sounds far-fetched and weird.

But there are definite jealousy, control and possession issues here.

He's doing whatever he can to get all your attention and to be as maddening as possible.

What's it doing to you?

Driving you nuts.

What is he hoping it will do to you?

Drive you away.

he may have said he's thrilled about the marriage.

He probably is.

In fact, I'm sure he's thrilled. But subconsciously, it might mean his dad won't be his dad any more.

Or if you're gonna stick around, you'd better know who's number one in his dad's life.

And he doesn't want it to be you.

 

You have to discuss this with your partner.

His sone has jealousy issues.

And if you don't deal with them TOGETHER, they may well escalate and blow up in your faces.

[lexi29]

Thanks for the reply but I think you are way off base here... I don't think he's jealous of me at all. He's not competing for his dad's attention- and I definately don't think he feels threatened by me. I think he wants us to get married so he KNOWS I'll always be around. He has issues with security and abandonment and he thinks if we get married then he doesn't have to worry about me leaving him (Like his mother and other female figures have done).

 

He doesn't have to compete with me for his dad's attention because he IS #1 and he doesn't have to worry about that place in his dad's life. I have never come between him and his dad and he knows that. If that was the case, he would be trying desperately to get all of his DAD's attention so he couldn't spend any time or pay attention to me. I think he wants to be #1 in my life too. He's been abandoned by his mother (several times) and he sees me as a maternal figure (he's told me many times he wishes I was his mom) and he is afraid of me abandoning him, not wanting him anymore, just like his mother treats him. I've been around for the last 6 years (in some form) so I know his behavior isn't any different then in the past. He's loud, he's active, he runs around, wants to do kid things like any normal eight year old boy. he doesn't have any siblings or neighbor kids to play with so his dad and I are basically his only playmates. It doesnt' normally drive me crazy, but that day it did and thats why I posted. I just wondered if its normal to be irritated with your kids out of the blue like that.

[Geishawhelk]

Yes it's normal. Yes, it's a common feeling for parent - and step-parent - to sometimes feel at their wits' end.

But trust me please, these issues are not normal 8-year-old kid issues. He has as you say a lot of problems with issues of abandonment and fear of someone doing it again. he knows you'll always be around you say.

No, he doesn't. he desperately wants that, and you can tell him that until you're blue in the face, but if an adult did it to him before, he figures there's nothing to stop it happening again.

He actually probably could do with some child counselling.

Really.

I know you know him best, I don't doubt that. But with everything the poor little chap has been through, I think there may be more to his behaviour than meets your eye. You're very close to the 'problem' and probably can't see the wood for the trees.

To say a child may need counselling is almost like admitting you've failed ("you" generic, not "you" specifically) but I think you'd be doing the wee mite a favour.

have a word with his dad, because trust me, these issues may

get worse, you'll feel worse and eventually they may be so engrained that it will take a whole lot more effort and professional assistance to deal with.

Please, get advice.

I say this with real empathy and with every good wish. No criticism at all is intended.

[lexi29]

Thank you for your advice. I appreciate it. I wasn't criticizing you when I said you were off base with the jealousy thing- its just that this isn't a new relationship and I know he dealt with those issues when we first got together but is over them now (and has been for several years) I suggested to my fiance that his son may need counseling. He has looked into it and found a reduced fee clinic (he can't afford anything else) and they wanted all this documentation (wouldn't just take the custody papers from court stating that he has primary custody). they wanted a report card from the boy's school and they say they can't prove my fiance is his custodian because my fiance's name does not appear on the child's report card (no one's name appears on it, it just reads "to the parents or custodian of "child's name") hello! Wouldn't a birth certificate and a document from the court stating that my fiance is the custodial parent over ride a report card (not an official document)?!

 

I wouldn't have believed this happened but I was there and witnessed it. So until we can find some where else that is affordable there isn't much choice in the matter. But I do agree with you that he should have counseling after all he's been through.

 

When you say these are not normal issues for an eight year old? Do you mean what he's been thru (abandonment etc) or his actions- being loud, can't sit still at times, running around, constantly wanting to be involved in an activity? Are you saying these things aren't normal? I thought they were but then again, I'm not a parent.

[Geishawhelk]

When you say these are not normal issues for an eight year old? Do you mean what he's been thru (abandonment etc) or his actions- being loud, can't sit still at times, running around, constantly wanting to be involved in an activity? Are you saying these things aren't normal? I thought they were but then again, I'm not a parent.

 

Thank you for your clarification; none was needed, but I too, hoped you wouldn't think me too "in-your-face" or intrusive.

 

well, both really. he needs counselling and help for the issues that have been brought about by his mother's departure, but he seems to me to be a little bit -over-hyper....

I don't know if anyone has mentioned this to you, but fizzy drinks, sweets, and food additives have been known to affect children's behaviour.

But if there is no foundation or basis to this theory, then his behaviour is excessively 'intusive' and is probably connected to the separation/ abandonment anxiety.

He just seems a little bit too keen to be included in absolutely everything.

Alarm bells rang for me with the bed episode. I'm not reading anything at all improper in this, I want to say this immediately. But for an 8-year old to behave like this is uncharacteristic. A three or four year old, maybe. But at eight, he probably has more of an idea of boundaries, and his demands were inappropriate. Again, I don't mean physically. I'm talking on a pure behaviour level.

 

I really hope you can find a solution to this.

[sedona]

But to answer your question. Sure--- an off-switch would be terrific. Maybe I'd never end up using it, but it would be lovely just knowing that it's there.

[bentnotbroken]

Off switch, mute button, muzzle depends on the day of the week. Absolutely normal and from what my mom tells me, generational:D

[Storyrider]

My kids are intelligent, cute, and delightful, but yes, I wish they had an off switch at times.

 

My 4 yr old has a very wide emotional range, she can be exuberantly happy or just as energetically miserable. When she's miserable and crying, everyone in the house must know it. I have seen up to 45 minutes of non-stop sobbing for something as simple as the way the food is arranged on her plate.

 

My 9 yr old is a beautiful girl, extremely creative and bright, but also really hyper and with no personal boundaries. In fact, today we had just gotten into the car after going to the grocery store. I said, "Are you buckled?" She said, "No." I turned around, and she had both hands in her pants. I said, "What are you doing?!" She said, "There is a hair stuck up my butt and I'm trying to get it out."

 

Eeeew! !!!!! :sick:

 

What is a parent to say? I said, "Um, stop that." I gave her some hand sanitizer, and I said, "Where is the hair?" She said, "I don't know...." :eek:

 

 

And then, "I guess it is still up there."

 

Phew.

 

So I said, "Deal with it in the bathroom when you get home, and be sure to wash your hands afterwards."

 

No wonder I don't like them putting their hands in my face, and no wonder I nag them to wash their hands before they set the table, etc. You literally never know where their hands have been.

 

She isn't a disgusting person in general, btw. She's just a sweet, normal girl.

[Geishawhelk]

I'm so glad I finished my dinner a while ago....!!

 

It's amazing how something so cute can be so gross as well!!

 

I was such a kid myself, probably....