waterskiaholic Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 First of all, my deepest thanks to anyone who is patient enough to read this through. Hello! I am in my 3rd year of college and at the beginning of the year started seeing an amazing man, whom I will call 'Ted.' About a month after we started dating (and before things got terribly serious, though they were certainly headed in that direction) my parents came to my college to watch my swim meet, along with my grandmother, and I invited Ted, because I didn't know the next time they would be in the same place, and figured they'd like to atleast have an idea of him. They did not say a word when I introduced him. My father shunned his offer of help to grab some chairs with a very rude "I don't need help.," and neither parent said a word to him the entire meet... 2 hours. Afterwards, we went out to lunch, and they didn't say anything to him there, either. As we were getting ready to go, my parents were asking me for directions for the easiest way to get where they were going, and I very nicely said, "well why don't you ask Ted, he's lived here his whole life." My father's response? "I have maps and a GPS, I don't need to." Whenever I bring him up, the extent of their comments is "hm." (My grandma, on the other hand, adores him- they talked for over an hour and I couldn't get a word in edgewise.) He's perfectly respectable, clean, no drugs, doesn't only want me for my body, well educated, has a job and is returning to school in the fall for graduate school. He is a much better catch than any of the guys I have dated in the past (no, not blinded by love, but thanks for doubting me), and I feel more deeply about him than any of them. I've tried to express this all to them, but they won't listen. Or hear me, I guess I should say. I asked my mom about the swim meet thing, and she said that they "just didn't have time" to talk to him, but they thought he was very nice. My grandma has also asked them, she says that they change the subject, and find little things to complain about ("I don't understand how he has so much time to spend with her on Fridays," even though I told her his work schedule.) Just tonight I mentioned to my mother that he might be coming to visit me this weekend (he'll be staying in a hotel, since there is no way my parents would ever consider letting him stay here), and so I thought I would atleast give my parents the opportunity to prove that what my mother said was right- they didn't have a problem with him. I suggested lunch on Saturday. My mother's responses were simply general statements about where they would be then- "we'll be around," and "I don't think we'll be going out of town," even when I tried to pin her down on an actual answer. A bit later, I heard her telling my father, and he asked if she'd given me a definite answer, sounding like it was a scheme to not give me an answer. To make things even more difficult on me, his mom is totally amazing, and let me stay at her apartment with him last weekend (long unrelated story). I feel awful because my parents can't even pretend to be civil. Anyhow. I'm not going to make them have lunch with him, because I know that forcing them into this is not the way to go. But I need serious help... I have been dating him for 3 months, probably the last month and a half- 2 of which I would consider 'serious,' and we have both made it very clear that we don't forsee this ending any time soon (we're making plans into the summer). How can I get my parents to warm up to the idea of him, because I know they can't not like him- they have barely met him. He's coming this weekend, and I'll be staying at the hotel with him, because I can't make him drive all that way to see me and just leave him on his own... I know they'll just act like I was at school or something for the weekend. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Jordane Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 How have they reacted to past relationships? This is really weird and without knowing your parents it's really hard to understand. Although, you don't know this guy within three months as well as you think...maybe they are concerned with what sounds like you're head-over-heels into a guy that you've only known for 3 months. Link to post Share on other sites
Author waterskiaholic Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 First, they have atleast spoken to all of my previous boyfriends. Second, perhaps not head over heels, just on my way there... I have been hurt too many times in the past to let that happen, and they know it. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Jordane Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 That's VERY strange. Can't possibly explain it. You're just going to have to sit them down and explain to them that all they are accomplishing is putting a wedge between you and them. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I usually wait 6+ months before introducing my family to my BF. I was with my current SO for about 8 months before anyone met him. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 This is very odd...I don't think you mentioned, how old is he? Other then an age difference, I have no idea. From the sounds of things, they have just decided to dislike him from the word go, for their own weird and selfish reasons. If they have a real problem, the least they can do is tell you what that is. They are putting you in a terrible position, and the only way I can see you getting the reasons out is by confronting them. This will never resolve itself, it will only get worse. You haven't been together for very long, and this is the last thing you need in a new relationship! Good luck hon Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I usually wait 6+ months before introducing my family to my BF. I was with my current SO for about 8 months before anyone met him. Yep, I'm about the same. I have only ever introduced my parents to 2 boyfriends, the first of which I was with for 2 years (and actually he never met my Dad), the other my current bf of 3 years. And I probably shouldn't have let my bf and dad meet as early as I did (about a year). He is not mean to him exactly, I just know his doesn't approve. Thinks we were too young when we were first together, moving in together etc. He tries not to speak to him if you know what I mean...But well, he can shove that up his ass now can't he Link to post Share on other sites
Author waterskiaholic Posted January 5, 2008 Author Share Posted January 5, 2008 I would not have introduced him so early on if it hadn't been for the circumstance- I couldn't exactly not invite either party to the event. Additionally, my best friend didn't introduce her boyfriend to her parents (my mom's best friend) for about 8 months, and they were all abuzz about that... So I figured it best to atleast get the preliminaries wrong. He is 2 years older than me. Yes, I know, parents don't care about being hypocritical, but mine are 7 apart, and got married when my mom turned 18. Yes, confrontation with them about this is inevitable; I'm waiting until it's a little closer to when I'm going back to school for that to happen. I read someone's post that said her boyfriend got fed up with her not confronting her parents about similar issues and left her, so I'm going to preempt that (though unless I am much mistaken that was after much longer). Like I said, I tried before and only got lied to... So we'll see how this round goes. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
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