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To move out or not?


Family Parents too demanding? Sibling driving you mad? Tell us!

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Old 26th January 2018, 12:48 AM   #1
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To move out or not?

I and my mom are like oil and water. She knows how to push my button. I think she is very critical and negative. and sometimes quite selfish. She has a knack for pushing me down.

We just came back from a Cuba trip which I paid for us both(too bad dad couldn't go because expired passport) and we argued about tiny everything terribly.

I don't have to live with her. I am currently having a job that's said to be set for life (gov.) and a salary that is more than the median household income.

but.......there are 4 bedrooms in the house and only me and my parents living there. AND I can walk to work from the house.

last year I move out for a few months, but I don't like to live in an apartment. It's so lonely and isolated. and I don't like the living condition of an average apartment. now, the only apartment building that's on my way to work is said to be not so good, but the rent still not cheap.

why waste over 1k a month and leave so the rooms empty in the house? actually I doubt my parents can really manage on their own, as they don't speak English functionally. I have to manage their things.

just tonight, dad had tax issue which I think the accountant should be blamed and I said I am going to have words with the accountant and reproach the firm, and then she ridicule my approach and basically said I am a rude person for doing that.

that completely set me off. here I am doing my best to help and only being look down and character attacked. I am having stomach discomfort from this a few hours after that.


oh, yes, when we were on the Cuban resort, after I asked a somebody something, she was a bit behind and said I should said thank you to that person. what the heck? how did she know I didn't express my thanks? that's just impossible as a Canadian. she likes to teach me like a child even though she can't even manage to be on her own within the resort.

she is just so judgement and critical. she has zero confident in me. It's very depressing around her. I try to be a loving daughter, but I just can't be what I want to be. She makes me feel like less a person.

just a little while ago, when one of my ex coworker said my current employee is lucky to have me. I feel like I can do anything and that I can fly. That was so uplifting. with my mom the opposite is true. Every word she utters has the force to put me down to the very ground.

sorry for the long whine...after writing this, I am a bit more clear though. I guess it's better to put up with the crappy apartment and expense and living with strangers than to have ulcer?
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Old 26th January 2018, 12:51 AM   #2
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Words just like coming out of her with no thoughts. If she doesn't just say things for saying somethings sake, then it feels good to live home though.

currently, I don't think it's a good idea to buy a house, as I think the country and the city is in a bubble. also isn't it weird and lonely to live a house just by myself? oh, sometimes, I really wish to have a partner, but it seems mission impossible for me now.

they will miss my cat, especially my dad though. ( yes, I think I am the type of person who tend to concern others happiness while my mom is the opposite)

so I have to pick my poison?

Last edited by Springsummer; 26th January 2018 at 12:55 AM..
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Old 26th January 2018, 12:59 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Springsummer View Post
I and my mom are like oil and water.
Same here... I moved out on my 18th birthday.

My first apartment was beyond crappy and definitely NOT in a good area, but I survived and thrived being on my own.

I think I'm a better person for going through that struggle.

If you are asking for opinions or suggestions, search all the rental sources. Some place don't advertise on the internet, sometimes you have to walk around different areas and ask people. I found my first apartment through a friend of a friend, just kept asking people if they knew of inexpensive housing, etc.
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Old 26th January 2018, 1:53 AM   #4
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It's entirely up to you.

You don't like living with your parents but you also don't like living in an apartment alone because you get too lonely. So pick your poison.

Personally my relationship with my mother improved tremendously the year after I stopped living with her.
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Old 28th January 2018, 1:14 AM   #5
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Being an adult living at home keeps you in a state of arrested development, I've found. There are just some things you learn while living on your own that you don't develop while still living at home, even if you're paying your own way while living under their roof.

Unless there is a legitimate financial reason why you cannot move out, then I think most people are better off living independently once they're past college age.
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Old 28th January 2018, 11:44 AM   #6
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Being an adult living at home keeps you in a state of arrested development, I've found. There are just some things you learn while living on your own that you don't develop while still living at home, even if you're paying your own way while living under their roof.

Unless there is a legitimate financial reason why you cannot move out, then I think most people are better off living independently once they're past college age.
For the records, I used to live alone for many years. I moved out for college. only started living with them again after they moved to this city.
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