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ugh, texting gone wrong


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Old 13th October 2017, 1:56 PM   #1
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ugh, texting gone wrong

so i texted my brother on his phone and his wife replied to the message. lets just say the wife and i are not close in the least and it's downright hateful between us. anyhow, i thought i was texting my brother, and although the text was in no way about his wife, she responds back with hateful, swearing texts and a voicemail (i have no idea what it said, i deleted it). has anyone else had this come up? how can you text someone in your family when you're not even sure who is reading the message? the message wasn't even about her or directed to her, it was over a disagreement between me and my brother, but she inserts herself into it. i've often not heard back from my brother for days, sometimes never - she is obviously deleting messages and does this to our other family as well. i didn't really think husbands/wives shared phones to this extent??!! how can i even be sure who is on the receiving end of a text anymore. i always *thought* she was reading his phone but now i know for certain. any way to handle this? i'm afraid to call/text my brother because she'll just pick up. we don't live in the same state so visiting isn't an option.
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Old 13th October 2017, 3:32 PM   #2
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Try to call him when he isn't with her in home and tell about this situation.
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Old 13th October 2017, 8:55 PM   #3
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I know people who share their pass codes but not ones who actually go through their partners phone and replies to their messages, sounds kind of lame.

Maybe try calling him while he's at work on his lunch break while he's away from her?
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Old 14th October 2017, 12:55 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newmoon View Post
i'm afraid to call/text my brother because she'll just pick up.
Don't text him anything that you don't want her to read. If you want to communicate with him, call him. If she answers, politely ask if your brother is available. Don't engage with her if she starts in on you. Just say "Thank you, goodbye" and hang up.

Who knows. Maybe your brother will apologize for his wife interfering. He should be embarrassed that she did that.
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Old 14th October 2017, 1:32 AM   #5
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Is it possible that her hatred for you is further fuelled by things your brother may tell her? If he complains about you to her, it's only going to further exacerbate the situation. You not hearing from him for days doesn't necessarily mean that she's deleting messages - depending on the problems between you and him, he may well be choosing to not respond to the texts. Text is a poor choice of communication in times of disagreement.

As for reading each other's phones...my phone is always laying around somewhere unlocked. If someone (child/spouse) is near my phone and I'm not, I'll ask them to tell me what the message is. No need for keeping the contents secret.

Is there any hope of settling the disagreement with your brother?
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Old 14th October 2017, 8:50 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by CC12 View Post
Don't text him anything that you don't want her to read. If you want to communicate with him, call him. If she answers, politely ask if your brother is available. Don't engage with her if she starts in on you. Just say "Thank you, goodbye" and hang up.

Who knows. Maybe your brother will apologize for his wife interfering. He should be embarrassed that she did that.
thank you, i like this method and believe it might be the best way to handle it. i was also thinking of sending an email saying i tried to contact him. although i have no idea if those are fair game with couples too.
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Old 14th October 2017, 8:52 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by basil67 View Post
Is it possible that her hatred for you is further fuelled by things your brother may tell her? If he complains about you to her, it's only going to further exacerbate the situation. You not hearing from him for days doesn't necessarily mean that she's deleting messages - depending on the problems between you and him, he may well be choosing to not respond to the texts. Text is a poor choice of communication in times of disagreement.

As for reading each other's phones...my phone is always laying around somewhere unlocked. If someone (child/spouse) is near my phone and I'm not, I'll ask them to tell me what the message is. No need for keeping the contents secret.

Is there any hope of settling the disagreement with your brother?
thank you for the insight. you're probably right, if he's upset with me and voices that then she would 'defend' him, sure. and maybe he just isn't replying on his own accord, that is true. thank you for the perspective. i am very surprised that men/women allow a spouse complete access to the phone. not that i have things to hide, but i guess i expect my phone to be private
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Old 17th October 2017, 5:24 AM   #8
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buy him an inexpensive burner phone for xmas and send it to his job.

i don't think a husband should have a "secret" phone but in this case, as the saying goes, she started it.
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