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Mom doesnt want me to au pair in spain? should i not go?


Tallgirl91

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Hi, I am 22 years old, I'll be 23 in July. I've been looking into au-pairing in Spain for 2 months this summer and have found a family that seems really nice and we've had a couple of Skype interviews. I told my mom this past August about it and she was livid and we had a horrible fight and I ended up yelling at her. The fight was so awful that there is still tension in our relationship because of it. I really want to travel after I graduate in may and au-pairing is the most cost friendly way for me to do this. Should I still go to Spain even if doing so might further negatively affect my relationship with my mom?

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What in particular is it that she finds so objectionable about you doing this?
she has seen the movie "Taken" and is convinced that i'll end up in sex trafficking and she is also terrified about ISIS. She also thinks that I should start working right away after I graduate in May.
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she has seen the movie "Taken" and is convinced that i'll end up in sex trafficking and she is also terrified about ISIS. She also thinks that I should start working right away after I graduate in May.

 

At 22, you're old enough to know your own mind, and make your own decisions.

 

She's going to have to accept that fact sooner or later, so I think now is as good a time as any.

 

Does she have any real reason to believe that you're not mature enough to make your own decisions?

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At 22, you're old enough to know your own mind, and make your own decisions.

 

She's going to have to accept that fact sooner or later, so I think now is as good a time as any.

 

Does she have any real reason to believe that you're not mature enough to make your own decisions?

No, I don't think she has any reason. The 6 months after post grad will be a difficult transition for me in terms of independence. I currently have my own apartment back at school that I pay for myself via my scholarship and I pay for my own groceries, gas, etc. When I graduate I will most likely need to be home for a few months to save money and build credit so I can move to a larger city. I'm worried that my choice to be an au pair will make the 5 or so months I'll be back at home unbearable.

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GunslingerRoland

Wait, you said Spain, not Iran right? I mean your mom sounds more than a little over paranoid. Are you American? And she lets you out of the house everyday knowing that you are more likely to be gunned down in America than have anything bad to you ever happen to you in Europe?

 

And if she thinks Taken is real, why doesn't she just call Liam Neeson to save you?

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Wait, you said Spain, not Iran right? I mean your mom sounds more than a little over paranoid. Are you American? And she lets you out of the house everyday knowing that you are more likely to be gunned down in America than have anything bad to you ever happen to you in Europe?

 

And if she thinks Taken is real, why doesn't she just call Liam Neeson to save you?

 

I know! My mom's logic is completely irrational. This is why our fight over it escalated so much. It was like talking to a child!

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You should totally go.

 

Tell her

 

"Mom - I understand you are concerned, and I hear your concerns. But I believe this experience will be something very positive for me. I will call you as soon as I get there, and give you all their info. I will be on Facebook (or whatever social media your mom uses.) I will do my best to ease your fears. I know this is hard for you, but you need to have faith in me. I love you."

 

I mean, it's not like you are running off to Spain for some guy. If that was the case, I would be more apt to side with your mom.

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No, I don't think she has any reason. The 6 months after post grad will be a difficult transition for me in terms of independence. I currently have my own apartment back at school that I pay for myself via my scholarship and I pay for my own groceries, gas, etc. When I graduate I will most likely need to be home for a few months to save money and build credit so I can move to a larger city. I'm worried that my choice to be an au pair will make the 5 or so months I'll be back at home unbearable.

 

Do some research and present it to her.

 

I just found this:

 

Tourists seeking to avoid terror threat head for safety of Spain

 

Spain is one of the safest European countries to visit. There is little serious crime.

 

Spain - Exercise normal security precautions. There is no nationwide advisory in effect for Spain.

 

Spain is very safe : it is ranked 17th out of 162 on the safest and most dangerous countries ranking.

 

Terror Sends Europe’s Holidaymakers to Safety of Spain, Portugal.

 

In general terms, Spain is one of the safest countries in Europe for the tourists who come here.

 

I think you get my drift.

 

And you only show her reassuring stuff, ok?

 

I hope you get there and have a great time.

 

 

Take care.

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IF you are working through a legitimate agency, you should be fine. My wife - long before I met her - did this and spent a year with a family in France, Corsican, and Germany. It was a great experience for her, and can be for you, if you due proper diligence on the agency and family.

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Yes, you should go. You may not get the opportunity again.

 

It can be tough for parents to realize that their child is now an adult. At some point you'll need to change the child-adult dynamic to an adult-adult one.

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traveller's tips: always have the cash on you for a flight home, and hang on to your passport, no letting somebody take care of it for you

 

has your mother skyped with the Spanish family?

 

was there something bugging her about them?

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I know! My mom's logic is completely irrational. This is why our fight over it escalated so much. It was like talking to a child!

 

Moms will always be moms no matter how old you are!

 

Sit down and have a real honest conversation with her, let her know that you're an adult now and she's taught up to be wise and smart, not to put yourself in dangerous situations and she has to trust and have faith that you're going to be fine.

 

She's scared and anxious, empathize with her on that but don't enable her. She has to get over it and allow you to live your life. Her fears need to be put in check, she's totally over reacting and thinking worse case scenarios.

 

And if she thinks Taken is real, why doesn't she just call Liam Neeson to save you?

 

LOL!

Edited by whichwayisup
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it sounds like she thinks you should get a proper job that pays better, sooner?

 

maybe don't take that job and just go over there for a fortnight on vacay?

 

then come back and start working?

 

or.

 

just tell her you know the risks and you understand that her objections are her way of telling you that she can't live without you, she loves you more than her own life and her fear is making her insane.

 

let her know that you have done a through research job on this couple and set up some safety checkpoints and code words. describe to her how you will poast/speak to her every 8 hours and what to do if you fail to do that.

 

again, hide your return ticket and your passport and have it on you or somewhere you can get to it quickly.

 

the only thing i'm can see that would concern me is taking care of kids is boring to the max and that the family might use you for more then babysitting or they might not pay you as you go along, saying they will pay you at the end and never do it. they could renege on your "days out" and never let you see the sun.

 

or the husband might rape you with or without the wife's knowledge.

 

you are in their house, where you might be unable to defend yourself or call for help.

 

realize that, isis, terrorism and sex trafficking aside, some of your mom's concerns are valid.

 

look before you leap.

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Your mom sounds like me. Where are you from? Being in the Chicago area with shootings, kidnappings and murders all around us, it wouldnt' be easy. You are grown, but she is terrified of something happening to you. If something happened she would never ever forgive herself, for not fighting harder to keep you safe. Especially since she does not know the area you will be in. She will be upset yes, but if you go, make her feel as comfortable as possible, keep in touch often until things settle in and she gets used to you being there.

Edited by IfonlyIknew
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Your mom sounds like me. Where are you from? Being in the Chicago area with shootings, kidnappings and murders all around us, it wouldnt' be easy. You are grown, but she is terrified of something happening to you. If something happened she would never ever forgive herself, for not fighting harder to keep you safe. Especially since she does not know the area you will be in. She will be upset yes, but if you go, make her feel as comfortable as possible, keep in touch often until things settle in and she gets used to you being there.

 

We are from Ohio... Just a month ago there was that attack on Ohio State's Campus which is less than 20 minutes from where we live.. I tried to tell my mom that danger is everywhere... even just down the street from us.

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  • 3 weeks later...
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UPDATE:

 

I tried to tell my mom again but she would not hear anything I had to say... she said that I should start working immediately after I graduate.. I told her I would only be gone for 6-8 weeks but she wouldn't hear it, she said that this whole thing "doesn't sit well with her spirit" ...I want to go so badly but I don't want to ruin my relationship with my mother... this situation is giving me so much anxiety. What do I do?

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UPDATE:

 

I tried to tell my mom again but she would not hear anything I had to say... she said that I should start working immediately after I graduate.. I told her I would only be gone for 6-8 weeks but she wouldn't hear it, she said that this whole thing "doesn't sit well with her spirit" ...I want to go so badly but I don't want to ruin my relationship with my mother... this situation is giving me so much anxiety. What do I do?

 

Ask her the real reasons as to why she doesn't want you to go. Get her to do a list of 20 reasons why it would be bad. YOU give her a list of 20 reasons as to why it would be a good experience for you.

 

This is YOUR life, not hers. Mom's sometimes don't want to cut the cord and it seems your mom wants you close to her, she's afraid of losing you. That's the irrational fear of hers but realistically she should be supporting your decisions and be happy about who you are now, thanks to her teaching you the ropes of life.

 

Listen to your heart. What does your gut tell you?

 

She's not going to cut you out of her life or be mad at your forever, she'll get over it. It's only 2 months, not 2 years! I say go.

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You should go.

 

You will eventually have to get out from under your Mother's control anyway.

 

Might as well be now, over this issue.

 

You're an adult.

 

She doesn't realise that, but you should.

 

She will kick, scream, cry, and raise every kind of purple hell.

 

But you should go anyway.

 

 

Take care.

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what training do you have in child care? C p r? Nutrition? Licensed to drive in this foreign place? Your safety? Insurance? Medical shots? Furthering education? Social life?

 

I tend to think you are seeing it as a free ride... And children are by far deserving of a well versed care giver.

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what training do you have in child care? C p r? Nutrition? Licensed to drive in this foreign place? Your safety? Insurance? Medical shots? Furthering education? Social life?

 

I tend to think you are seeing it as a free ride... And children are by far deserving of a well versed care giver.

 

 

That's very presumptuous of you to assume that I am looking at this as a "free ride". I am well aware that this is a job and that I am expected to behave/work accordingly... As far as experience... I was a STEM teacher for 2 consecutive summers where I was responsible for children ages 5-12 . I have a 2 year old nephew that I often baby sit and also do babysitting on the weekends or whenever I'm not busy juggling school and a division one athletic scholarship. I would have no need/want to drive in Spain and the families I am interested in know this. Insurance and medical shorts have already been looked into and will be no issue to obtain.

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so to be clear:skyping is the ultimate decider that this is a legitimate transaction? Spain does not allow its citizens to cover the Insurance for a foreign visitor/worker that is there less then 3 months.....

 

Your work visa for Spain.? what has your consulate said on this matter? One piece of advice, tell him you don't need Medical "shorts", But you would like to get the list of Medicinal shots for traveling abroad...Hopefully they have that available so you can have your doctor update and administer.

 

How many foreign languages do you proficiently convey?

Gosh so many logistics to this ..

I can see why your mom is concerned....

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