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Mom doesnt want me to au pair in spain? should i not go?


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Old 12th December 2016, 4:30 PM   #1
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Mom doesnt want me to au pair in spain? should i not go?

Hi, I am 22 years old, I'll be 23 in July. I've been looking into au-pairing in Spain for 2 months this summer and have found a family that seems really nice and we've had a couple of Skype interviews. I told my mom this past August about it and she was livid and we had a horrible fight and I ended up yelling at her. The fight was so awful that there is still tension in our relationship because of it. I really want to travel after I graduate in may and au-pairing is the most cost friendly way for me to do this. Should I still go to Spain even if doing so might further negatively affect my relationship with my mom?
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Old 12th December 2016, 4:39 PM   #2
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I'd be happy for my daughter to do this. But I don't know your situation. What was your mother's point of view?
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Old 12th December 2016, 4:47 PM   #3
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What in particular is it that she finds so objectionable about you doing this?
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Old 12th December 2016, 4:50 PM   #4
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What in particular is it that she finds so objectionable about you doing this?
she has seen the movie "Taken" and is convinced that i'll end up in sex trafficking and she is also terrified about ISIS. She also thinks that I should start working right away after I graduate in May.
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Old 12th December 2016, 4:55 PM   #5
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she has seen the movie "Taken" and is convinced that i'll end up in sex trafficking and she is also terrified about ISIS. She also thinks that I should start working right away after I graduate in May.
At 22, you're old enough to know your own mind, and make your own decisions.

She's going to have to accept that fact sooner or later, so I think now is as good a time as any.

Does she have any real reason to believe that you're not mature enough to make your own decisions?
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Old 12th December 2016, 5:00 PM   #6
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At 22, you're old enough to know your own mind, and make your own decisions.

She's going to have to accept that fact sooner or later, so I think now is as good a time as any.

Does she have any real reason to believe that you're not mature enough to make your own decisions?
No, I don't think she has any reason. The 6 months after post grad will be a difficult transition for me in terms of independence. I currently have my own apartment back at school that I pay for myself via my scholarship and I pay for my own groceries, gas, etc. When I graduate I will most likely need to be home for a few months to save money and build credit so I can move to a larger city. I'm worried that my choice to be an au pair will make the 5 or so months I'll be back at home unbearable.
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Old 12th December 2016, 5:09 PM   #7
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Wait, you said Spain, not Iran right? I mean your mom sounds more than a little over paranoid. Are you American? And she lets you out of the house everyday knowing that you are more likely to be gunned down in America than have anything bad to you ever happen to you in Europe?

And if she thinks Taken is real, why doesn't she just call Liam Neeson to save you?
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Old 12th December 2016, 5:14 PM   #8
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Wait, you said Spain, not Iran right? I mean your mom sounds more than a little over paranoid. Are you American? And she lets you out of the house everyday knowing that you are more likely to be gunned down in America than have anything bad to you ever happen to you in Europe?

And if she thinks Taken is real, why doesn't she just call Liam Neeson to save you?
I know! My mom's logic is completely irrational. This is why our fight over it escalated so much. It was like talking to a child!
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Old 12th December 2016, 5:21 PM   #9
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You should totally go.

Tell her

"Mom - I understand you are concerned, and I hear your concerns. But I believe this experience will be something very positive for me. I will call you as soon as I get there, and give you all their info. I will be on Facebook (or whatever social media your mom uses.) I will do my best to ease your fears. I know this is hard for you, but you need to have faith in me. I love you."

I mean, it's not like you are running off to Spain for some guy. If that was the case, I would be more apt to side with your mom.
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Old 12th December 2016, 5:24 PM   #10
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No, I don't think she has any reason. The 6 months after post grad will be a difficult transition for me in terms of independence. I currently have my own apartment back at school that I pay for myself via my scholarship and I pay for my own groceries, gas, etc. When I graduate I will most likely need to be home for a few months to save money and build credit so I can move to a larger city. I'm worried that my choice to be an au pair will make the 5 or so months I'll be back at home unbearable.
Do some research and present it to her.

I just found this:

Tourists seeking to avoid terror threat head for safety of Spain

Spain is one of the safest European countries to visit. There is little serious crime.

Spain - Exercise normal security precautions. There is no nationwide advisory in effect for Spain.

Spain is very safe : it is ranked 17th out of 162 on the safest and most dangerous countries ranking.

Terror Sends Europe’s Holidaymakers to Safety of Spain, Portugal.

In general terms, Spain is one of the safest countries in Europe for the tourists who come here.

I think you get my drift.

And you only show her reassuring stuff, ok?

I hope you get there and have a great time.


Take care.
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Old 12th December 2016, 6:00 PM   #11
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Thank you!!!! I really appreciate this! Definitely will be showing some of these sites to her!
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Old 12th December 2016, 6:08 PM   #12
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IF you are working through a legitimate agency, you should be fine. My wife - long before I met her - did this and spent a year with a family in France, Corsican, and Germany. It was a great experience for her, and can be for you, if you due proper diligence on the agency and family.
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Old 12th December 2016, 9:06 PM   #13
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Yes, you should go. You may not get the opportunity again.

It can be tough for parents to realize that their child is now an adult. At some point you'll need to change the child-adult dynamic to an adult-adult one.
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Old 12th December 2016, 9:12 PM   #14
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traveller's tips: always have the cash on you for a flight home, and hang on to your passport, no letting somebody take care of it for you

has your mother skyped with the Spanish family?

was there something bugging her about them?
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Old 13th December 2016, 12:48 AM   #15
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I know! My mom's logic is completely irrational. This is why our fight over it escalated so much. It was like talking to a child!
Moms will always be moms no matter how old you are!

Sit down and have a real honest conversation with her, let her know that you're an adult now and she's taught up to be wise and smart, not to put yourself in dangerous situations and she has to trust and have faith that you're going to be fine.

She's scared and anxious, empathize with her on that but don't enable her. She has to get over it and allow you to live your life. Her fears need to be put in check, she's totally over reacting and thinking worse case scenarios.

Quote:
And if she thinks Taken is real, why doesn't she just call Liam Neeson to save you?
LOL!

Last edited by whichwayisup; 13th December 2016 at 12:50 AM..
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