Curlytheintrovert Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 So my step sister and I are 4 years apart (I'm the oldest) and growing up we were pretty close. She would come over every other weekend, from her moms house and we would always have a great time. But over the years, her moms skewed parenting and selfish influence started taking its toll and my sister began to change. Suddenly it seemed she was competing with me, trying to best me in everything, and had high barriers to subjects that had never been an issue. Then the biggest thing that changed our relationship happened....I got a boyfriend. That was the big blow for her strangely and we have never been the same. Now she is impossible to talk to, she refuses to be real with me. Ever. Our relationship is 90% fake bull****. All smiles and I love you's but she is very sneaky and passive aggressive. Any time I have tried to be genuine and talk about anything serious , she either shuts down and doesn't say anything or gets bitchy with me. When I'm interacting with her in the moment I actually enjoy it, but then when she's gone I realize certain agendas or mean comments she was masking under the sister/bff charade. It doesn't help that she is very insecure and JEALOUS. Her jealousy seems deep and unbeatable. Its something that I don't feel I'll ever be able to stop dealing with with her. Plus the competitiveness she feels is relentless but ,me, I genuinely do not care and just want to have a real and at least basic relationship. So I am getting married in May(eek!)and in trying to be kind and nostalgic I offered her a place in my wedding party. I didn't think scrapping having a wedding party just because of one person was very cool. So I put my reservations about her on the back burner and went with it. She has at least acted excited about being in it, but not about anything meaningful, just things like her dress and makeup looks. Always about her and no one else. But the hardest part has been knowing how jealous and unhappy she has always been about me and my boyfriend,now fiancé. So now that the big day is closing in I am again worrying about her attitude on wedding day. The very last thing I want on my wedding day is to be dealing with her sneaky, passive aggressive crap. Her self centered tendencies scare me to be honest, and I wouldn't put it past her to try some stupid, attention whoring stuff. So l need ask some advice on how the heck to approach this situation! Do I lay down the law and spell out for her what not to do? When in everyday circumstances I can't ever be real? Or do I just not say anything and worry about her behavior? I don't know! Any input is much appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 What did she actually do that has caused you to worry about how she might behave at your wedding? You said a lot of things about her here, but you never mentioned what she actually did wrong to you. You knew how she was when you invited her into your wedding party, right? I'm not sure why you're now freaking out about what awful thing she might do at your wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 As a member of your wedding party, she is obligated to wear the dress you chose & stand in the appointed place at the designated time. Nothing more. As long as she is doing that she has fulfilled her responsibility as a bridesmaid. So be happy she will be in the photo. Accept the smiles & the ILYs & go on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Curlytheintrovert Posted January 12, 2016 Author Share Posted January 12, 2016 Ha, you put it so simply it makes it sound like I'm making a big deal out of nothing which is probably true but the frustration just drives me up a wall. That's the thing, I'm not sure what specifically she would do but she has tried to seduce my boyfriend and then just start drama when the focus is off her. And she actually got better for awhile but she's recently been going back to things she used to do. So it's not life changing problems it's just really irritating and old and telling any one makes me feel better really! Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 Curly Trust me it's as simple as I said & as complicated as you think. Other than she didn't try to seduce my husband, my MOH, a cousin, did everything in her power to cause drama & make my wedding all about her. I ignored her & everyone had no sympathy. Try it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 If she acts up and says anything out of line, you put her in her place and just say this day is NOT about her and to please keep it together and be kind. Unfortunately the relationship you once had with her is gone. Her issues are not your fault, her insecurities really have nothing to do with you either. Don't ever let her make you feel bad. You found someone special and are happy, all you can do is wish her the same happiness one day and just be kind to her. Hopefully she will wake up and stop being petty and immature, realize she may need some counseling to rid of her bitterness and jealously. I doubt it's only you, she probably reacts and acts this way around others too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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