sick of attention seeking / handing the rants?

[d0nnivain]

Growing up I adored my female cousin. She was poised, intelligent, sociable, confident & all sort of things I aspired to be. I hero worshiped her.

 

As we got older & her life didn't turn out the way she hoped because she squandered many changes for happiness always wanting more, better etc. even when what she had was amazing. She became more narcissistic & bitter, imo.

 

About 10 years ago she tried to kill herself. Her BF at the time found her & rushed her to the hospital. There she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder & being bi-polar. Her therapist worked with her, medicated her & encouraged her to drink less. She is a raging alcoholic who works in the field.

 

A few years ago she changed therapist & this one told her she has Asperger's Syndrome. She also lies to that therapist & tells him she has 1 drink once in a while. She drinks at least 2 bottles of wine per day & takes her meds.

 

I think she may have some of the symptoms but BPD is a much more accurate diagnosis. However, saying that she suffers from something on the autism scale gives her both the attention she craves & sympathy. Sadly she is a using it as an excuse to be as badly behaved as she likes.

 

I had dinner with her earlier in the week she insulted my hair, my morals, my husband & my opinions. She pitched a fit at the cab driver on the way home. It just reminded me why I try to keep my interactions with her to a minimum.

 

Anyway, the point of my post was a mini-rant she had in the restaurant. She was going on & on asserting that she's not crazy but when the time comes nobody better get in the way of her taking her own life. She knows what she wants & what she doesn't want & we have no idea how hard it is to be her.

 

She recently got fired from another job. She's got a ton of education & a great resume but can hold a job because she has a tendency to tell off her bosses or tell them how to run their businesses because she has to be in charge. She's not working p/t+ in a retail liquor store selling high end wine because she is a wine expert.

 

I just sat there & let her rant. She wasn't in immediate danger or I would have called 9-1-1. When she finally stopped ranting & realized I hadn't said a thing she asked if my silence meant I understood & agreed with her. I said no but that I wasn't going to debate her about her desire to kill herself, She seemed stunned that I didn't jump up & try to talk her into living or at least out of killing herself. She started up again & I reminded her that the next day was the 2 year anniversary of my father's death & that I had no intention of discussing her desire to die while I was missing / mourning him.

 

The next day I did call my aunt & uncle & her brother. they all told me this rant was something they all heard & there was nothing anybody could do. Their dismissive attitudes saddened me.

 

I just want to know if LS has any advice on how I can handle her (short of a true emergency situation) the next time I have to listen to her talk about "when the time comes." Bear in mind it's not like she has an incurable disease or is in physical pain.

[Ronni_W]

Hugs, d0nnivain.

You did all and everything that is within your own power, control and authority to do.

 

If, in the future, she asks why you don't get more worked-up over her life drama and desire to end it permanently, then just tell her the same thing: "I love you, Cuz, but you're the only one with the power, control and authority to carry out what you're saying you want to do. I don't have ANYTHING in this world that can really stop you...and neither does anyone else. You are loved, and you'll be missed...but...???" Then shrug and raise an eyebrow (or somesuch gesture).

 

And let her try to figure out her own ending to that sentence/question.

[gaius]

I don't know how serious her suicide attempt was but when I get the vibe someone's trying to manipulate me with suicide woes I tell them about the Final Exit network and then change the subject. It's always a calculated risk but in general people either are going to or they aren't, the influence you have over them in that regard is limited. And it can help the dynamic if they know they can't yank you around like that. You're pretty much dealing with a tantruming child and you have to be the parent. =/

[d0nnivain]

I know she's a child throwing a tantrum. If I had thought she was serious at that moment I would have called 9-1-1 & had her involuntarily committed.

 

I am of the mindset that if she wants to kill herself she better not call me because I will stop her. If she does call me, I will assume she wants to be stopped & will act accordingly.

 

Deep in my heart I know someday she will take her on life but I resent being screamed at in a restaurant & being told how to act when I'm the sane one.