makeithappen Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Hello all, So I have realised I have nothing but hate, anger and resentment towards my family. An acquaintance recently confessed to me her story about her father who did drugs, cheated on her mum, abused her physically, and threatens my friend with suicide. My story is nowhere near as bad, yet she still feels attachment to him????? She told me although she hates him, she cannot let go of him. I feel like such a bad person, not being able to forgive my own family. I do not miss them, I do not even want to contact them. I feel better with the distance. Why am I so horrible? Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Why do you think you're horrible? Things are as they are, because they are as they are. Simply because you are blood-related to some people, there is actually no legal or moral obligation to like them, love them, be with them or even want to see them. It happens, and probably a lot more than you think. I personally cannot think of any one family I know, who has everything running smoothly, and wonderfully, like clockwork, with every member of their faimly. Some connections are mildly distant, others are extreme, and there's a whole massive gamut of different situations in between. Take it easy on yourself. You are you - and you cannot compare your situation to that of anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author makeithappen Posted September 21, 2014 Author Share Posted September 21, 2014 Why do you think you're horrible? Things are as they are, because they are as they are. Simply because you are blood-related to some people, there is actually no legal or moral obligation to like them, love them, be with them or even want to see them. It happens, and probably a lot more than you think. I personally cannot think of any one family I know, who has everything running smoothly, and wonderfully, like clockwork, with every member of their faimly. Some connections are mildly distant, others are extreme, and there's a whole massive gamut of different situations in between. Take it easy on yourself. You are you - and you cannot compare your situation to that of anyone else. Thanks for your response. The thing that disturbs me is that she went through hell. My issue with my family is their controlling behaviour, unreasonable rules, and giving me mental issues like feeling worthless and bad (they told me i was evil and ignorant. They thought they were Good and I was Evil, and it was a struggle between the two!) Anyways, I could not be myself.I was shamed, mocked, and I had to obey. Always obey. My parents also allowed my siblings to be abusive towards me (to teach me manners!). My older sister whom my mum has entrusted with us, could not stand me. She would go into a rage if I confronted her. She was VIOLENT. I was scared of her. She told lies about me to my family. To this day, she managed to set my parents against me. With her eloquence and manipulation, she convinced them that I was an evil person and wanted to hurt my family. And when I was out, I was apparently engaging in all sorts of debauchery. I don't know if my parents also willingly believed her, or not. I wonder what part she played in making them change their attitude towards me. I am scarred by this. i was treated like a despicable person. I had no say, I could not be truthful to their eyes (I don;t know why they would never believe me, and were persuaded I was a persistent liar!) I was called all sorts of names. I became a dishonest person to their eyes. I still don't understand why they would not want to hear my side of the story. When I complained, my mum yelled at me nd made me feel I was crazy and it was all in my head. Nothing was happening. I should be grateful because they were giving me so much freedom, according to her (wth!) But still, this is not like my friend's story. I feel that hers is much worse. Yet, today, she does not totally hate her father. She has more compassion towards him than I have towards my family. I feel so bad for not being able to go past what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Thanks for your response. The thing that disturbs me is that she went through hell. Oh, and you haven't?? You cannot compare the hell of one person to that of another. It's not possible... My issue with my family is their controlling behaviour, unreasonable rules, and giving me mental issues like feeling worthless and bad (they told me i was evil and ignorant. They thought they were Good and I was Evil, and it was a struggle between the two!) Do you believe that is true? Really? Anyways, I could not be myself.I was shamed, mocked, and I had to obey. Always obey. My parents also allowed my siblings to be abusive towards me (to teach me manners!). My older sister whom my mum has entrusted with us, could not stand me. She would go into a rage if I confronted her. She was VIOLENT. I was scared of her. She told lies about me to my family. To this day, she managed to set my parents against me. With her eloquence and manipulation, she convinced them that I was an evil person and wanted to hurt my family. And when I was out, I was apparently engaging in all sorts of debauchery. I don't know if my parents also willingly believed her, or not. I wonder what part she played in making them change their attitude towards me. I am scarred by this. Are you seeing someone professional about this? i was treated like a despicable person. I had no say, I could not be truthful to their eyes (I don;t know why they would never believe me, and were persuaded I was a persistent liar!) I was called all sorts of names. I became a dishonest person to their eyes. I still don't understand why they would not want to hear my side of the story. When I complained, my mum yelled at me nd made me feel I was crazy and it was all in my head. Nothing was happening. I should be grateful because they were giving me so much freedom, according to her (wth!) So your family demonised you and treated you like a leprotic pariah.... But still, this is not like my friend's story. I feel that hers is much worse. You are completely wrong. It isn't. Yet, today, she does not totally hate her father. She has more compassion towards him than I have towards my family. What he did was not directed at her. She was never made to feel the way you did, for so long, persitently and single-pointedly. You cannot possibly compare the two and declare her situation worse, you just can't. I feel so bad for not being able to go past what happened. You have made yourself a prisoner in a dungeon that has no lock to bind you. Seek help. Link to post Share on other sites
dragonfire13 Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 You are not horrible, you are doing the right thing by removing yourself from an environment that drains you or makes you feel uncomfortable. Your situation may not apparently be as extreme as your friends, but who can say? Passive aggressive behaviour can be equally damaging, and even something like a clash of personalities can invite unnecessary aggro into your life. Don't feel bad for putting your happiness first. Link to post Share on other sites
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