Has anyone ever cut their family out?

[Dork Vader]

I need to cut ties with most if not all of my family.

 

I thought I had a healthy relationship with them for a very long time. But in the recent months it's become extremely clear my relationship with my parents and most of my family is insanely toxic.

 

They say very rude and mean things. They are the root of numerous mental issues I have ranging from depression, low self esteem and low self worth.

 

They give absolutely horrible advice on my personal relationships whether it's friendship romantic or what ever.

 

My therapist even suggested I cut ties with them. That is saying a lot because I suggested it when I was in my early 20's. My therapist cautioned me on it saying most people end up regretting it. But now he is really pushing me to do it.

 

I've debated trying to leave the State so that I can get away from all this. But I've never worked for anyone aside from family. Any advice?

[evanescentworld]

The Buddha warns about 'consorting with fools'. he makes no distinction between those whom are relatives, or otherwise....

 

If, in your course, you don't meet

your equal, your better,

then continue your course,

firmly,

alone.

There's no fellowship with fools.

 

A fool with a sense of his foolishness

is — at least to that extent — wise.

But a fool who thinks himself wise

really deserves to be called

a fool.

 

Even if for a lifetime

the fool stays with the wise,

he knows nothing of the Dhamma —

as the ladle,

the taste of the soup.

 

Fools, their wisdom weak,

are their own enemies

as they go through life,

doing evil

that bears

bitter fruit.

 

The above advice is nearly 3000 years old; yet it's as pertinent today as it has ever been.

Do what you have to do, but do not become a fool yourself.

Measure matters twice; you can only cut once.

[quankanne]

it's not an easy decision cutting relationships out of your life, especially when they involve close family, but sometimes, in order to create a more healthy way of living, you've got to. That doesn't mean you don't care about them or you don't love them, but that you understand that their unhealthy behavior is detrimental to your mental health, and that you are the only one in this case who can protect it when they won't.

 

limit your time with them; establish boundaries and stick to them. Also, develop a circle of friends who can be your "family" now – people who care about you for YOU, and who are willing to help you grow in a healthy way.

[preraph]

When I was about 21, I discontinued talking to my mom because she was just over the top. I wasn't perfect either, but that's a time when they need to realize you're not under their control anymore and that's what it took to do that. She eventually apologized and backed off and we had a pretty good relationship after that.

 

I discontinued contact with my sister briefly during a period she stole something from my roommate. We eventually mended ways. We didn't talk directly about it, but over time, she admitted she had a bad attitude at a certain period. Entitlement is what it was. We're close now.