How much to see parents?

[Sugarkane]

I have a lot of resentment from them.

 

E.g I was an easy target for bullies growing up. Two incidents where I was relentlessly bullied and the school involved did nothing. My parents didn't seem to care at all. I can still remember the incidents clearly this day. I would expect more empathy from my dad, who had an emotionally and physically abusive father.

 

E.g My father was a real Ahole. He'd tell us if we wanted something growing up, we should pay it ourselves. Yet he didn't give us pocket money for doing chores. How we're we supposed to learn about money?

 

E.g Called me selfish and spoilt. Yet I'm the only one who bought my own car. My siblings got my parents to pay for it. Called me selfish for wanting my own bedroom, yet my dad owns multiple vehicles and goes on holidays without the family and my mum.

 

E.g verbally abused me for not wanting to do a favour for my brother/sister. Yet when I wanted a favour from my brother/ sister says nothing to them.

 

E.g Was always a screaming verbally abusive parent. One of my most vivid memories was getting laughed at by a fellow classmate. Because my parents had grounded me for something. I was always a quiet, mousy/shy kid who always got good grades.

 

E.g Charged me rent while I was living home. Doesn't charge my siblings. WTF?

 

E.g Gave me a curfew eg 18 year old kid. Never did that to my siblings.

[pink_sugar]

I have a similar relationship with my father. If they make you feel bad about yourself, I would keep my distance and time spent with then limited.

[d0nnivain]

Seeing them at holidays, weddings & funerals sounds fine under the circumstances.

[Emilia]

I have a lot of resentment from them.

Most of your threads are about resentment OP. I know people vent here and that's fine but you don't seem to do anything else. Maybe it's time to get to the bottom of this otherwise you will remain unhappy.

[mrs rubble]

Most of your threads are about resentment OP. I know people vent here and that's fine but you don't seem to do anything else. Maybe it's time to get to the bottom of this otherwise you will remain unhappy.

I agree.

 

OP- Do you have children?

I suspect that when/if you do and as they grow, you'll look back at all of the slights in your life and view them in a completely different light.

[Els]

Finding the 'right' amount of time, especially for parents you're in a rocky relationship with, is rather tricky. I personally tend to go with as much as I can tolerate, though I won't push my limits any more.

 

That being said, I agree with Emilia - you have a lot of resentment for LOTS of people in your life. Family, friends, boyfriend, boyfriend's family, doctors, counselors... might be time to consider if this is a pattern of some sort?

[beatcuff]

i am with emilia and mrs rubble. OP you are asking the wrong question... it should be why are you so resentful. you REALLY need to resolve this life is far to short to allow it to dominate your life.

 

further --- there is no parenting manual, there are too many variables, too many choices. and maybe just maybe they failed you as a parent because they never resolved their issues with their parents (thereby making the same mistakes). OR they put the pressure on you (v siblings) because they realized you could 'make it', break free of the trap.

[Sugarkane]

Most of your threads are about resentment OP. I know people vent here and that's fine but you don't seem to do anything else. Maybe it's time to get to the bottom of this otherwise you will remain unhappy.

 

I've tried seeking help. Ive realised because things have happened to me, never got resolved. Eg being ostracised by ex friends. All I get is "there's no perfect answer for this".

[Sugarkane]

Finding the 'right' amount of time, especially for parents you're in a rocky relationship with, is rather tricky. I personally tend to go with as much as I can tolerate, though I won't push my limits any more.

 

That being said, I agree with Emilia - you have a lot of resentment for LOTS of people in your life. Family, friends, boyfriend, boyfriend's family, doctors, counselors... might be time to consider if this is a pattern of some sort?

 

Yeah because I've been dealing with interfereing in laws with no support from family or friends. I've been pulling my hair out trying to find a professional over the past year. I wouldn't dump a friend if it happened to someone else.

[Glinda.Good]

What has been standing in your way in your efforts to find a professional?

 

I hope you can really hear this:

 

If you are looking for one who is going to say what you want them to say, you are out of luck. You do NOT need help to remain feeling like everybody's wronged victim.

 

Are you aware of how deeply you are into blaming people?

 

I know you have young family - a little baby, right? NOW is the time to seek help for yourself so you can have a very positive influence on your kid's life - and let go of your resentments and move forward to have a good life.

 

Please. This is no way to live.

[pink_sugar]

When I was younger, I was in an abusive home and seeing a therapist made me realize after so long that it was my dad with the issues and not me. For many years, he made it look like I was the one with the problem. Having that validated helped me realize that it wasn't something I did wrong and that my dad was the one with the issues and in order for me to move forward, I had to keep my distance from him and establish boundaries. It sounds like you could benefit by making new friends SK. I've lost touch with a lot of my old friends or they live out of the area. Try meetup dot com or the platonic friends section on craigslist.