Msrxchef Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I want intimate special relationships--but I don't know have one. I don't think my mother or father know how to have one. And especially not with me. Meditation has helped a lot recently in this past year. Whenever I felt a surge of emotions, I would think peaceful thoughts. Take deep breathes and control my sadness or inner rage or whatever. I can feel myself getting better at controlling my emotions but I know it's never going to get truly better unless my parents recognize and change their behavior. My parents are charming people in the real world but back at home, they like bragging about their youth. How wonderful they were and feel at getting someone to admit they were wrong and stupid. How they need to tell me how smart they were in college or how important their jobs were back in China until they immigrated here in the US and became literally nobody. And I get that they feel the need to relive those moments of their life, but why can't they move on? And why do they care so much about what other people think of them? I've been avoiding social contact for half a year now since I've transferred back home (new college too) and it hurts my soul to even bring up social contact. I don't know how to talk to anyone besides a superficial "how's your day?" convo. I want to move out so bad, but in my current financial state I cannot. I'm working on selling as many of my belongings as I can and figure out if I really want to be a nurse or whatever else I'm supposed to be doing. Oh and my dad supports my tuition. Can't really leave if he's paying for my future career, right? How do people tolerate living with their parents? Especially if they are narcissistic and negative and judgmental...all the time? How do you guys do it, please tell me whatever, because if I have to speak to my parents at all I seriously want to blow my head off. Link to post Share on other sites
rewl Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 You need to calm down, they are your parents in the end of the day, it's pretty disrespectful to be talking about them like that on here, especially since they support you and everything. No manners whatsoever. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyLady13 Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Yes, you can move out. You don't have to live with your parents if they're helping you (as you are their child) get an education and a jump start on a career. But from what I gathered from what you said, you are Asian. I know that traditionally this can cause a problem if your parents are old fashioned. However, for whatever reason they chose, they are raising you in America and in this country, parents pay for not just tuition but a dorm room at college too expecting to see their kids on holidays and that's it because this is a time you are supposed to be figuring out how to get on your feet and live as an adult. You asked how to live with your parents. I think it would be extremely helpful for you to feel less "trapped" planning to move out and start getting some things in place immediately. This way you know you only have to live with the little things that are under your skin with your parents right now for just a limited amount of time longer. You'll be able to relax seeing there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I relate to how you feel about your parents. Even if they raised us, we can be so incredibly different from our parents. My parents are racist something terrible and I cringed every time they'd spout their racist views around the house when I was there. I'm the opposite of them so I wanted to get away from their views so much it drove me crazy at times. It gets tough to live with people who are just so different than you are sometimes. I honestly think your best bet is to start planning out your future so you have something to look forward to. I can almost guarantee you will not be too bothered suddenly by your parents old boring stories anymore when you know where you're going in the near future. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 You should thank them for all they've done and continue to do for you. You cannot reasonably expect them to change to make living there more peaceful for you. You only have the ability to change your response towards them. I'd start with a little gratitude. Link to post Share on other sites
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