! How can I choose between my BEST friend and my family?

[madeinindia22]

I want to share with you my story in the hopes that you or your community of followers will be able to give me some advice regarding my situation.

 

I am an Indian born American, brought to this country at the age of 7 by my parents. During that time, I have grown more and more distant with my family in India and my roots. About 3 years ago, I started dating a Palestinian man. It's good to note here that although he's Palestinian, neither him nor his family adhere to the religion of Islam-- this will come into play later on in my story.

 

Recently, 3 days ago, my parents found out about my relationship with him, and gave me the ultimate choice.. him, or them. Their reasoning for this is that he is a Muslim (he's not) and he will not gel well with my family back in India (whom I do not see or talk to, at all). My mother has even gone so far as to say that she will cut all ties with me should I choose to stay with him, and that we are as good as dead to each other-- she believes that me being with him will ruin her reputation, both with Indian families here and my family in India.

 

I know in my heart of hearts that he is one of the most amazing men in the world, and he is one in a million. The way he treats me and looks after me is rivaled by no other relationship I've ever encountered within my family or friends, and I don't wish to lose that kind of a relationship. He is literally my best friend and other half. I believe that even if I search for the rest of my life, I may only be half as lucky to find someone as loving and caring as he is.

 

Now, the question I pose to you, and your understanding, eloquent audience is this-- what choice do I make? Do I simply give up the person who might as well be the LOVE OF MY LIFE for the sake of my family's integrity? Or do I stay with him in the hopes that my parents will come around to the relationship in the future? Will they come around? What are the chances of that?

[CarrieT]

How old are you and how old is he?

 

I abandoned my family in my early twenties for a relationship. It was very sad for me that I missed my father's 60th birthday.

 

Years later, the relationship ended and I was very lucky my family accepted me back...

 

Moral of the story = don't throw your family away for someone who may not be around forever and MANY relationships established during one's 20s are not life-long relationships.

[madeinindia22]

I'm 22 and he's 25. and I understand that some relationships in their 20s don't work out, but trust me.. if given the chance to, this one will. Him and I understand each other in a way that is rare in most relationship. We enjoy a lot of the same things, have a lot of the same dreams, and aspire to make each other as happy as possible in this relationship. I can honestly say that this is the most mature and loving relationship I have ever been in.

[unluckycat]

If your heart truly knows this person is very important to you, and your family cannot understand that, I would tell them how much you love them, but this is something you have to see through. And just wish them to best. Eventhough they may choose to denounce you as their child.

 

Maybe they'll come around in time, I come from a background where Asians have similar traits with their children and who they choose to be with. It doesn't always end well with the family, but for the people who choose to be together it sometimes does.

 

I moved out to follow something I believed in years ago, and at the time my family was so mad with me, and refused me. But years later they accepted me again. I don't know if this will happen with you, but I am very much a believer in following your heart. All you can do is love your parents from afar and hope they accept your choice someday.

[CC12]

It's unfortunate that your mother would rather disown you than to accept your decisions. If I was in your position, I would say, "I'm sorry you feel that way, mother, but I'm not going to stop dating him at this time. I'll be very sad if you cut ties with me because of this, but I'll accept your decision." It's basically leaving it up to her. I wouldn't beg her to change her mind or anything. It's not really worth bargaining with someone whose first reaction is "Do what I say or I won't be in your life anymore."

 

Hopefully they'll come around to the idea. It's only been three days. Maybe when the shock wears off they'll be more open minded. Give it some time before you make any declarations.

[Seductive]

Could he talk to your parents and explain that he's not religious?

 

Even if someone isn't a practicing Muslim, Indian parents still see their blood as Muslim. Sadly, it's just how the culture is where they can't handle such a relationship. I do feel that parents will come around eventually, no matter how much they say they will disown you.