C2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 I am white and was wondering how to tell my parents I am seeing a black man. They will probably disown me. I am 30 years old. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Well, since you're a grown ass woman......Tell them - they aren't dating him, you are. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author C2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Share Posted May 22, 2013 Well, since you're a grown ass woman......Tell them - they aren't dating him, you are. How should I respond if they say they will disown me. Just because they would be rude saying that I don't want to be rude back. I want to tell them I am going to do what I want (which they all ready know I do what I want) without being disrespectful? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
grantmeserenity27 Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Surely if they understand that you want to be with him they will accept it! Just tell them, get it over and done with... like ripping a bandaid off! It's your life, your choices. I'm sure it may come as a shock to them at first but give them time, they'll come round! Link to post Share on other sites
Author C2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Share Posted May 22, 2013 (edited) How should I respond if they say they will disown me. Just because they would be rude saying that I don't want to be rude back. I want to tell them I am going to do what I want (which they all ready know I do what I want) without being disrespectful? Just for the record it doesn't worry me if they disown me. I have gone in the past for two years without speaking to them. He is also a positive influence on me he knows I am wanting to loose 15 pounds and he encourages me to get out and walk. He is also protective of me and he really cares about me. Edited May 22, 2013 by C2013 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 So I'm confused. You're not worried about being disowned....then what's stopping you? If you want to avoid any confrontation, send them an email. Link to post Share on other sites
Author C2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Share Posted May 22, 2013 So I'm confused. You're not worried about being disowned....then what's stopping you? If you want to avoid any confrontation, send them an email. It doesn't worry me because I have gone 2 years without talking to them a few years ago. So I know what my life is like without them. I also don't have to worry about not inheriting anything because my sister is getting it all. I just don't want to hear them bitching at me about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author C2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Share Posted May 22, 2013 Surely if they understand that you want to be with him they will accept it! Just tell them, get it over and done with... like ripping a bandaid off! It's your life, your choices. I'm sure it may come as a shock to them at first but give them time, they'll come round! I hope your right that they will come around. They are usually modern parents but on interracial dating they are not at all modern. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Rent the movie " guess who's comming to dinner" and watch it together. Then tell them without being confrontational and tell them you love them and that you'll give them time to absorb the info. Let them know how good he is to you and then do give them time to adjust. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 If you haven't connected with them for 2 years - what's another 2? Wait until you marry him, then visit them with your baby. No going back then, huh? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hppr Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 Why would it be a problem? If the guy is a decent guy they'll get over the shock pretty quick, they may say some stupid things but that is their hangup, not yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 If you are just "seeing" this man and the relationship is not serious, why bother telling them at all? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pcplod Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 I like Nyla's response. If you haven't seen or spoken to them in 2 years then there is nothing to push it onto an agenda that doesn't exist. Are you concerned that they will hear it from your sister or someone else who knows them and you? They sound as if they have effectively cut you out of their lives, or you have cut them out of your life, either way I would seriously think about whether they need to know either now or ever. Are you hoping for some sort of reconciliation with them at some point? If so, I think you have plenty of time to consider at what stage you would tell them. For example, this new relationship might not last forever, is it therefore appropriate to tell them anything at present? Also, think a bit whether you are treating your current relationship differently, because your boyfriend is black, as compared to a relationship with someone from your own race. I very much like thinking of people as people, both good and bad, irrespective of the colour of their skin and it would do you no harm to consciously think about your situation in those terms in order to see whether you can assure yourself you are handling the situation in a consistent, 'colour-blind' manner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author C2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Author Share Posted May 23, 2013 I guess I didn't write it very well. It was over two years ago I wasn't speaking to them. I have been speaking to them for the past two years. I actually live with my parents but they live in another state over 95% of the time. I don't communicate with my siblings. No one I know knows about me dating a black man. He is the one who brought it up asking me what will my mom say. He chooses not to come around when they are home. Link to post Share on other sites
xorro Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 I think you need to sit down with them without your BF. Very calmly explain that you love them and their opinion matters, but you're a grown up and need to make your own life choices. Tell them you know they won't approve, but you're dating a black man. Tell them about some of his wonderful traits, and ask them to trust in your ability to make a good choice. Then tell them you don't expect that they will immediately warm to your bf, but you hope that over time they will be able to include him in family get-togethers, and make an effort to be welcoming. Obviously you wouldn't be telling them if the relationship weren't important, so maybe you should throw in the possibility of a future and children. Make sure they know that you want them in your future childrens' lives, and that you hope they will be able to accept your family if that's where the relationship goes. Good luck! I'm sorry you have to go through this! Link to post Share on other sites
Author C2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Author Share Posted May 23, 2013 I think you need to sit down with them without your BF. Very calmly explain that you love them and their opinion matters, but you're a grown up and need to make your own life choices. Tell them you know they won't approve, but you're dating a black man. Tell them about some of his wonderful traits, and ask them to trust in your ability to make a good choice. Then tell them you don't expect that they will immediately warm to your bf, but you hope that over time they will be able to include him in family get-togethers, and make an effort to be welcoming. Obviously you wouldn't be telling them if the relationship weren't important, so maybe you should throw in the possibility of a future and children. Make sure they know that you want them in your future childrens' lives, and that you hope they will be able to accept your family if that's where the relationship goes. Good luck! I'm sorry you have to go through this! Thank you. Your answer has been the most helpful and nicest one. Link to post Share on other sites
leftfordead2 Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 You could tell them you're dating someone that they totally hate and would never thought of in their wildest dream. Then before they start freaking out you say just kidding, you're only dating a black man. Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Thank you. Your answer has been the most helpful and nicest one. I am sorry if you felt that the other posts were rude. I didn't understand why parents need to know about someone you are just "dating". I could see your fears if the relationship was serious. Link to post Share on other sites
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