Lack of family a turnoff?

[El Brujo]

I've lived alone for 5.5 years since my mother died of cancer (I moved in to take care of her, and she left the house to me), and all of my 5 surviving family members all either live out of state, or I haven't heard from them in years except for the usual Christmas cards.

 

I don't want any women I meet to get some crazy idea that I tried to get away from my family, because that sounds creepy and criminal. Relatives can be a PITA, but the only thing worse IMO is not having any. It's not like I'm making shrunken heads in my basement.

 

The truth is, my family members who died all made bad health decisions before I was born.

[UpwardForward]

Imo, Lesser is better when it comes to taking on a spouse's family.

 

I'd worry more about opportunists grabbing onto you because you have your own home. Watch out. ..

[pink_sugar]

My mother in law just passed away of cancer on Tuesday and my husband's father passed away of cancer before I even met my husband. So my husband is only 29 and has lost both parents. It's very sad, but what can you do? We've been together 7 years, so I'm not letting it change our relationship. Looking at the bright side of things, you don't have to worry about whether or not you will have crummy in laws so I don't see why this would be a turn-off to anyone. Even before his mom passed away, my husband has spent all holidays with my family, so there are no arguments there. Keeps it simple.

[hppr]

I don't think it is however if you make the conversation about how you've been ALONE for X number of years it becomes a turnoff. Women don't like men who are loners or shy it is an undesirable trait. So spin it like you were busy working a lot and don't like roommates, they are a drag, so you kept the place to yourself if you get my drift.

[hppr]

I'd worry more about opportunists grabbing onto you because you have your own home. Watch out. ..

 

Yeah I have found that a few times although for me it was almost always buddies who wanted to sleep on the couch for 'just a couple days' or my wayward brother who wanted to 'visit for a week'...

[El Brujo]

I don't think it is however if you make the conversation about how you've been ALONE for X number of years it becomes a turnoff. Women don't like men who are loners or shy it is an undesirable trait. So spin it like you were busy working a lot and don't like roommates, they are a drag, so you kept the place to yourself if you get my drift.

 

Well, I don't complain about it, because I got stuck having to a lot of "dad" jobs after my old man went AWOL when I was 6... after I inherited the house, I ended up having to undo my late mother's "remodeling" projects.

 

OTOH I think being a loner is not a bad trait, especially if a woman who wants me to love her and her alone.

[UpwardForward]

Well, I don't complain about it, because I got stuck having to a lot of "dad" jobs after my old man went AWOL when I was 6... after I inherited the house, I ended up having to undo my late mother's "remodeling" projects.

 

OTOH I think being a loner is not a bad trait, especially if a woman who wants me to love her and her alone.

 

Absolutely. I think many women are blessed with 'nurturing'. When I met my husband, his being motherless for many years was among his many endearing attractions.

[El Brujo]

you don't have to worry about whether or not you will have crummy in laws

 

That's not always true... my 1st gf had really cool parents. Didn't like the gf herself much though... she was a pothead who was always getting into trouble. Blind date.

 

Absolutely. I think many women are blessed with 'nurturing'. When I met my husband, his being motherless for many years was among his many endearing attractions.

 

I've become very independent since I was a teenager, and I probably wouldn't like being "nurtured"... I'd probably feel like I was being smothered... I'd rather do stuff for her instead. Fixing up a room for her, stuff like that. To me it's not a huge deal.

[UpwardForward]

 

 

 

I've become very independent since I was a teenager, and I probably wouldn't like being "nurtured"... I'd probably feel like I was being smothered... I'd rather do stuff for her instead. Fixing up a room for her, stuff like that. To me it's not a huge deal.

 

Though I would think most men who marry would like being cared for, if you are looking for a woman to do things for, you shouldn't have any problem w that.

[Phoebe]

I've lived alone for 5.5 years since my mother died of cancer (I moved in to take care of her, and she left the house to me), and all of my 5 surviving family members all either live out of state, or I haven't heard from them in years except for the usual Christmas cards.

 

I don't want any women I meet to get some crazy idea that I tried to get away from my family, because that sounds creepy and criminal. Relatives can be a PITA, but the only thing worse IMO is not having any. It's not like I'm making shrunken heads in my basement.

 

The truth is, my family members who died all made bad health decisions before I was born.

 

Just from what you've explained here I wouldn't think that you tried to get away from your family. I'd be impressed that you moved home to care for your mother.

 

Family is a bit of a turn on/off for me, but not a deal breaker. Both of my parents are dead and the rest of my family lives in another country (I emigrated to the US with my now ex-husband) and like you I really don't hear much from most of them. A partner's family is more important to me now then when I was younger because if I were to have children in this country then the only family they would be familiar with would be his. Therefore a closely connected, well adjusted family would be a turn on, my boyfriend's mother died when he was young and he doesn't speak much to the rest of his family, that's a bit of a turn off, but obviously not a deal breaker as we are still together.