Yeahsussu Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 Hey all. I don´t know if this is a problem or not, but it is however getting very annoying and frustrating. Everytime I bring my boyfriend home to my parents place, my younger brother gets so shy and never talks. If we sit down at the table for dinner, he never speaks. He just sits there in his own little world. He can sit there for like 2 hours and not say a word. He´s 22 years old and sometimes I would think he has lived in a cave his whole life. He is so shy, even with family, that he barely dares to even say yes or no. With his friends he is more open and happy, but with us, his own family, he is just so apathic! Is it just the age-thing or what? This is getting very frustrating as my boyfriend is quite social and likes to talk. I hate to say it, but I feel a bit ashamed when my brother never dares to talk. My boyfriend and I have been togheter for about 10 months, and he and my younger brother have met maybe 6-7 times. I know that part of this "problem" is probably because my boyfriend speaks another language. My parents and older brother speak it quite fluently, so that´s no problem, but my younger brother cannot speak it very well. So I do think this is a reason for him not talking. But still, how can I help my brother? He is so increadibly shy and hates to "be in the center". When I ask him something he just mumbles and can barely even say yes or no. He doesn´t dare to say his opinion on anything, if I ask him if he wants the last piece of the pie he gets very uncomfortable and just mumbles something like "well.. hmm.. i don´t really care..". So annoying. How can i help my brother be more confident and start talking?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yeahsussu Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 I would think he is too shy to even bring up the subject that he is shy! Dont´get me wrong, i love him very much, but it is just frustrating when he is so introvert at home. We´ve never been such a family that express feelings all the time, perhaps that´s one reason for it, but I on the other hand is very outgoing and is not scared to "take place". Interesting how we can be so different me and my younger brother. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 I told my girlfriend one time that I disapproved of something her brother did to her and said I might have to get into a fight with him over it some time. She basically told me to go f myself and that I wasn't allowed to fight with her brother. Which is the right response! It's not really my business what goes on between them. Why would you be ashamed that your brother isn't performing for your boyfriend? It's just who he is. It's not his place in life to entertain your boyfriend. To be respectful sure, but not entertain. Your boyfriend should accept that if he loves you. You should accept that if you love your brother. I get that his mush mouth is probably annoying sometimes, but if my sister who I had known all my life demanded I change myself in some way for some dude she just met 10 months ago I would feel deeply insulted, and rightfully so. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hppr Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 The fact that he's not nearly as shy with his friends says a lot. My guess is that he's not as naturally outgoing or assertive as the rest of the family and somewhat of an odd-man-out when it comes to job, girlfriend, education, that sort of thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yeahsussu Posted May 15, 2013 Author Share Posted May 15, 2013 Why would you be ashamed that your brother isn't performing for your boyfriend? It's just who he is. It´s not that I need him to "perform" for my boyfriend. I just find it a bit rude as he not speaks at all when my boyfriend is around. He says "hi" and that´s it. If we sit at the table for 3 hours he´s quiet for 3 hours. If my boyfriend asks something of him I can see his eyes just getting bigger and he just stumbles and mumbles something as a reply. And gives a nervous laugh. I mean come on, my boyfriend is not dangerous or something! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yeahsussu Posted May 15, 2013 Author Share Posted May 15, 2013 The fact that he's not nearly as shy with his friends says a lot. My guess is that he's not as naturally outgoing or assertive as the rest of the family and somewhat of an odd-man-out when it comes to job, girlfriend, education, that sort of thing. That would be a good explanation to it. I would say I´m the only one in my family who is outgoing, my older brother is also not that outgoing and assertive, but at least a bit more than my younger brother. We have never been a family that jokes around and "let loose", maybe I have a weird family or what? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 Maybe he is in a dark place and just sits there plotting how he will kill you because he hates the way you treat him... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hppr Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 That would be a good explanation to it. I would say I´m the only one in my family who is outgoing, my older brother is also not that outgoing and assertive, but at least a bit more than my younger brother. We have never been a family that jokes around and "let loose", maybe I have a weird family or what? I don't think you have a weird family it's just your perception. Fact is, for one reason or another, your brother doesn't enjoy being around your family. I can relate I was always the odd man out during family get togethers when I was a teen/young adult and it wasn't fun. If you want to help him you need to think about his life, girlfriend, job, education, that sort of stuff and even then I don't think you can really 'help' him. He just has to figure things out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yeahsussu Posted May 17, 2013 Author Share Posted May 17, 2013 I don't think you have a weird family it's just your perception. Fact is, for one reason or another, your brother doesn't enjoy being around your family. I can relate I was always the odd man out during family get togethers when I was a teen/young adult and it wasn't fun. If you want to help him you need to think about his life, girlfriend, job, education, that sort of stuff and even then I don't think you can really 'help' him. He just has to figure things out. He's well educated and quite good in school, and he's got many friends there. He's got a nice job besides studies. He's never had a girlfriend and doesn't even seem to be interested in having one. Perhaps he is influenced by his older brother, who is 33 and has never had a girlfriend. Never. When he's home he just sits in front of the computer playing computer games, he's always been very into computer games. When it's time for dinner he just comes slowly walking to the table and don't say a thing and then he just starts eating. I would just like to see him live more and not be so serious the whole time? If i joke around he sure smiles but still looks at me like i'm crazy Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 I think its kind of ridiculous how you expect him to act a certain way around your boyfriend. He is his own person. Let him be. You don't have the right to tell him how to behave. If you don't like it, don't bring your boyfriend home for dinner. I don't have a sister, but I'm always quiet because I had a really awful childhood. I'm just inward like that. If I did have a sister and she complained about it is tell her to shut up and deal with it, because I am who I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Ed the 3rd Posted May 25, 2013 Share Posted May 25, 2013 Leave him alone. Jesus. If I was asked by my brother to entertain his girlfriend I'd kill him....or at least hit him really hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts