Maddy Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 I'm in my late 20s and had to move back in with my parents after having my own place for over a year. I'm starting to realize that moving back in was a mistake. My parents continue to cross the line and treat me like trash just because I don't do exactly what they say or for choosing to live my life on my own terms. My father is the main culprit, my mother doesn't do it as much but she's just as bad as he is for taking his side and allowing him to say these ugly things to me. My father cannot take a hint that his expectations do not work for me, constantly belittling me, no privacy, yelling at me and talking to me like I'm 12 for being "disrespectful" because I said something he doesn't like or disagree with him. And then they wonder why I'm always so angry and won't speak to them. They rarely admit when they're wrong and twist things around to make it seem like I'm the bad girl. I dont expect them to agree with all of my choices, BUT they have to realize that I'm an adult and a human being with feelings. It's my life not theirs.
Author Maddy Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 "Yes, but it is their house not yours. You are in your late 20s living with your parents. You should be gracious that they are letting you live there. I lived with my parents after college, and up until May, so for about 1.5 years of my adult life. Guess what? I treated them with respect knowing that they made me do chores and follow their rules in place of paying rent. If I rocked the boat then I knew all they had to do was tell me to get out! So I was respectful. When I showed them respect and followed their rules they became more leniant towards me staying out with friends (they had two rules towards that, no making loud noise when I got home and no drinking and driving). However, living with my parents was taxing at times, but I sucked it up... then when I saved up some money (and got personal loan) I moved out. Not because they were over bearing, but because I was/am in my early mid twenties and needed to live on my own again. Sorry for going on about my own story, but I think you need to lighten up. I think you should be very thankful that your parents have allowed you to move home. I think you need to do as you are told and show respect. Yes you are an adult and have your own opinion... but you are not a minor any more, they can kick you out within a blink of an eye. So don't burn your bridges." Living in someone's house does not justify them controlling your life. If you had a friend who lived with you, does that mean you can tell him or her where to work, what to wear, how to think? No! 2
pink_sugar Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 (edited) Wouldn't go back to living with parents unless I absolutely have to. I had good reasoning to move out at 18, because my dad was emotionally and physically abusive at the time. Now, mostly it's because I've been on my own for 5 years and my family is full of drama. I understand parents can be unreasonable at times, but hey-do everything in your power to ensure you don't have to live with them then. That's the only thing you can do...you cannot force them to "not do this and not do that" in their own house. My dad wanted me to pay $750 rent (would have to share shower) AND made a comment about us helping with chores. Um...not if I'm paying rent. I'll clean up after myself yes, but not after anyone else. Edited December 20, 2012 by pink_sugar
SpiralOut Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 I don't agree with the idea that just because it's their house, it's okay for them to treat you however they want. So long as you are following their rules, there is no reason for them to belittle you or be rude. I would never move back in with my parents. I did for a summer between semesters. I hated it. As soon as the summer was over, I moved into my own place and never went back. My mother was angry with me for doing that. She wanted me to come back again the next summer, which makes no sense because she was rude as hell to me the whole time I stayed there. I don't regret my decision at all; that was one of the best choices I could have made. I clearly remember making dinner for myself one night, offering her some, and she said no. She made a separate meal for herself. I ate my dinner, put away the leftovers, and cleaned all my dishes. Right as I was about to walk away from the sink she dumped her dirty dishes into the sink and told me to wash them for her. I'm pretty sure she thought that it was okay to act however she wanted just beause it was her house and I should be "grateful" to live there and do whatever she asked of me. Well, everyone who lives under one roof should be polite and considerate to each other. If it's not happening, then it's best to leave as soon as possible. 1
Seductive Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Maddy, I may be projecting my own experience onto you, but your parents may be controlling.I agree that living in someone's house doesn't mean that they can control you. If a wife was living with her husband, does he have the right to control her? NO. Every human being has the right to their own dignity, their own feelings, their thoughts, and the right to make their own decisions. It annoys me when people online seem to have this "Your parents can do whatever they want to you" attitude. It's one thing to be respectful towards your parents when living with them, but it's a different story when they're treating you like a puppet. Will1988-You obviously don't know much about immigrant cultures. If you did, you would know that some immigrant parents find it insulting that their adult child would want to pay rent. While the OP may not be from an immigrant family, I think people need to realize that not all parents demand that their kids should pay rent. I came from a family where they couldn't fathom that an adult woman had the right to live on her own. My parents thought that only "white women" moved out, but girls in our culture had to stay home with their parents.
Seductive Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 hen I showed them respect and followed their rules they became more leniant towards me staying out with friends (they had two rules towards that, no making loud noise when I got home and no drinking and driving). Good for you, but not all parents are like that. You would be surprised to know that being nice to your parents can still inspire them to be controlling. When controlling parents reinforce rules, it's not just about partying and not being drunk. They isolate your life, they control your clothing, your weight, your food intake, what race of people you're allowed to hang out with, who you're dating, and much more. It's hard to explain to those that have never lived in it.
Monty4321 Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 I'm in my late 20s and had to move back in with my parents after having my own place for over a year. I'm starting to realize that moving back in was a mistake. My parents continue to cross the line and treat me like trash just because I don't do exactly what they say or for choosing to live my life on my own terms. My father is the main culprit, my mother doesn't do it as much but she's just as bad as he is for taking his side and allowing him to say these ugly things to me. My father cannot take a hint that his expectations do not work for me, constantly belittling me, no privacy, yelling at me and talking to me like I'm 12 for being "disrespectful" because I said something he doesn't like or disagree with him. And then they wonder why I'm always so angry and won't speak to them. They rarely admit when they're wrong and twist things around to make it seem like I'm the bad girl. I dont expect them to agree with all of my choices, BUT they have to realize that I'm an adult and a human being with feelings. It's my life not theirs. You are right. That Will1998 completely missed the point, it went way over his head. As long as you respect their rules, you should be treated fairly as an adult and they should respect your privacy any your personal life. I do assume that you are greatful and respectful. It appears that your parents cant differentiate between your adult self and the former child. Sit down attempt a serious talk with them or get them to counselling. People may say, well hey its their house so just get out. Well in this economy, thats not possible for everyone. Now, if your parents cannot see eye to eye with you, then you will obviously have to suck it up and get out as soon as you can. Good on your parents for letting you stay, but Im sorry u have to go through this. I had to move back with mines as well, but they are respectful.
TwinkletOes26 Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 When i first gotr here and bsically had the same issue as the OP people just dont get it. They automatically assume because you had to move home you are a "failure" but this isnt always true. I suppose when I graduated COLLEGE and had to move home beause of the horrid job market people saw me as a failure too.... Yes being there was stressful and when people always state "well you are lucky to even be there" its condescending and what i find funny is that people say the same thing to TEENS who live at home and complain about controlling parents. So because yur employer pays you they can do whatever they want ? NO there are boundries and rules.... Just because you live at home does not give your parents the right to try to control your life....to those who say"its there house" yes but she is an adult it is her life. I honestly can figure out if some of these parents have so little of a life that they feel they must control their kids. The Ops parents should think what goes around comes around when they are old and gray who are they going to turn too if they get too sick to live on their own. Just a thought how you treat your kids today is how they will treat you in the future tis all. 1
Lil Lady Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 I can completely feel your pain. After being married for over 11 years and moving back into my parents house after the divorce my parents started treating me as a 15 year old again. They implemented a curfew, didn't like for me to talk on the computer to my friends, hated it when I would skype with my boyfriend after a time... It was always something that I wasn't doing right in their house. I tried to pay them rent, but they didn't want my money. It even went so far as my mother and I fighting over my boyfriend. Like a screaming cursing match, which had never happened before in the past. Less than a year later I moved back out into my own place, and now they are still trying to tell me what to do and what not to do. It has been a rough transition and I am still trying to figure out how to get them to stop. I believe that when we move back into our parents they kind of receed back into the "parenting" role, thinking that maybe we can't control our own lives and they want to "help". What they don't realize is that we still need to live our own lives. We are still adults and need to make our own decisions. I am sorry for your predicament and hope that everything works itself out, I know I'm still trying.
pink_sugar Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 I don't think that everyone is necessarily saying parents can treat their kids however they want, but in reality...if you're not paying rent, and if they won't respect you, you have no other option but to live with it or move out. In some circumstances, parents won't change and you cannot force them to change.
Ross MwcFan Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 (edited) Yes, but it is their house not yours. You are in your late 20s living with your parents. You should be gracious that they are letting you live there. I lived with my parents after college, and up until May, so for about 1.5 years of my adult life. Guess what? I treated them with respect knowing that they made me do chores and follow their rules in place of paying rent. If I rocked the boat then I knew all they had to do was tell me to get out! So I was respectful. When I showed them respect and followed their rules they became more leniant towards me staying out with friends (they had two rules towards that, no making loud noise when I got home and no drinking and driving). However, living with my parents was taxing at times, but I sucked it up... then when I saved up some money (and got personal loan) I moved out. Not because they were over bearing, but because I was/am in my early mid twenties and needed to live on my own again. Sorry for going on about my own story, but I think you need to lighten up. I think you should be very thankful that your parents have allowed you to move home. I think you need to do as you are told and show respect. Yes you are an adult and have your own opinion... but you are not a minor any more, they can kick you out within a blink of an eye. So don't burn your bridges. Good luck! Just because it's her parents house it doesn't make it okay for them to treat her like ****. If I let you live with me, would it be okay for me to control your life and demand that you show me respect if you so much as ever complain? I don't think she's ever said that she's not grateful for having a roof over her head. I think it's stupid that they're demanding that she show them respect, when they're not showing her any respect at all. Edited December 21, 2012 by Ross MwcFan 1
Eclypse Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 I also think Will missed the point. They get to make rules (obviously) but no one deserves to get treated like ****. Especially your own child. That's appalling behaviour by OP's parents.
Recommended Posts