sadin2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 my mom is a classic narcissist. my whole life, i have been labelled the bad daughter. 2 of my siblings were the golden children always policing me and rest of siblings. unfortunately it didn't stop even after my marriage. its just getting worse. now they have openly ganged up against me. my mom calls me (or sometimes my husband) and tells us to do something like call an aunt or uncle. if we don't do it, she stops talking to us. and my siblings also stop talking to us along with her. my siblings are also becoming more and more manipulative, always emotionally black mailing me. if i call them they mostly never pick up their phones, if i ever fail to pick up their phone calls they give me a piece of their mind. they call at all hours, all weekend. me and my husband can't even spend any time alone, even if we're having sex on weekend i have to run to pick their calls or they get angry at me. i keep fearing that they'll all leave me & will stop talking to me. and they're all taking full advantage of this. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Hey, block their phone and maybe they'll never call you again. Life brings us gifts sometimes. Sucks when it's your family but they don't get a pass on selfish and stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
Dooda Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 You have the chance to have somebody in your life to fulfill you in a way your family never has done. Why not take that chance? Forget your family and ignore them completely. They will never change. But you can. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 the absolute best part about being a grown-up is that YOU get to dictate how others treat you, including family. If they're being shxt-heads, YOU have the option to ignore them just as you have the option to put up with their manipulative ways. The big question here is if you feel your psychological health is more important than your need to keep pleasing them ... mind you, I'm not getting onto you, just pointing out that you *do* have choices, and that at some point, we all go through it. In my particular case, I realized that when a certain sibling was doing his very best to involve our family in self-induced drama, I didn't have to deal with it. I love him, but I'm definitely much happier since I've limited my contact with him. my suggestion is that you do the same, because your family knows they can get away with pulling these stunts because you let them. They know which buttons to push to get you to respond the way they want you to, the way you always have. You're a grown, married lady with a life of your own now, and you seriously need to think about what kind of power you're going to let them have over you. it's entirely possible that by ignoring them when they behave like this, your life becomes much less stressful and you can enjoy a happier way of living. If they complain, tell them you're not interested unless they've got something productive to share, that you're no longer interested in y'alls relationship remaining like this, with them treating you this way. I know it's going to hurt, but ultimately, you're going to understand that there's nothing more important than your peace of mind, and when someone truly cares about you, they'll do what they can to add to it, not detract from it. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Just because they are family doesn't mean they are RIGHT. The smartest thing some people do is leave behind the abusive people in their lives, and thus remove the sickness from their new family. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 my mom is a classic narcissist. my whole life, i have been labelled the bad daughter. 2 of my siblings were the golden children always policing me and rest of siblings. unfortunately it didn't stop even after my marriage. its just getting worse. now they have openly ganged up against me. my mom calls me (or sometimes my husband) and tells us to do something like call an aunt or uncle. if we don't do it, she stops talking to us. and my siblings also stop talking to us along with her. my siblings are also becoming more and more manipulative, always emotionally black mailing me. if i call them they mostly never pick up their phones, if i ever fail to pick up their phone calls they give me a piece of their mind. they call at all hours, all weekend. me and my husband can't even spend any time alone, even if we're having sex on weekend i have to run to pick their calls or they get angry at me. i keep fearing that they'll all leave me & will stop talking to me. and they're all taking full advantage of this. As the saying goes, no one can take advantage of you without your permission. You are allowing them to take over your peaceful household with their demands and their intrusive phone calls. You need to set boundaries with them. Don't accept their calls after the dinner hour. That should be family time between you and your husband (and children if you have any). Limit the calls on weekends. I try to combine calls to my extended family with other things I'm doing (such as walking on a treadmill, walking the dog, etc.), so it doesn't take up extra time. Sounds like your family is way too demanding of your time. Your responsibility is to your husband first and foremost. If they get angry if you don't answer the phone, just say you were in the middle of something and couldn't answer your phone. Or even turn the phone off after dinner. You are not supposed to be at their beck and call. Your responsibility is to your husband. Limit the phone calls, and don't feel guilty if they are upset. Do try to return their calls (within reason) when you have a chance, though, like combining it with other activities as I mentioned above. Link to post Share on other sites
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