Heidi2 Posted May 14, 2003 Share Posted May 14, 2003 [font=arial][/font][color=darkred][/color] Hi Everyone!! My question of the day refers to 'parents.' OK, here's the 411: Me:: 1. Currently attending a University in my home state of Jersey. 2. Choose to live @ home while going to school, for one of many reasons. 3. However, even though I'm @ the age where decisions should be more of my choice...per se.. my 'parents' seem to still want to treat me as if I'm in high school, or even younger than that.... My point of typing this now, is for anyone who might be in the same situation as me.. or even a parent out their.. who can explain this lack of 'trust' or so it seems they have in me.. where I c/n make many decisions.. and my whereabouts w/o discussing them first.. Which in a the world we live in now.. is purely understandable.. However, there should be a time in 'everyones' life where the 'apron-strings' should be cutt.. but not in a way where no communication is about. I'm just wondering if they too over protective, d/n want me to get hurt, or just too scared for their 'older' of 2 daughters to get into the wrong situations.. or w/e.. Lately when I've been trying to have these similar 'open' conversations w/ both of them... it has only led to screaming on their end.. & tears of sadness for the hurt they've pushed upon me...!!... Hoping someone could help.. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 14, 2003 Share Posted May 14, 2003 I'm not in your position and I'm not a parent but I have been where you are now. While many parents take great pride in letting their children move on to making decisions and living their lives independently, others see their growth as a loss...a sad event for them...a threat of losing their dear children to life...and so they keep chains on them to prevent their ultimate fear of loss from materializing. So this is a situation where you have to put yourself in your parents shoes. I think yours is a combination of your parents unwillingness to abdicate their power as parents, their fear of loss, and their desire to see that you make the right decisions. The healthy thing to do would be to cut you loose and let you make your own mistakes...but some parents are just not willing to do that. You might talk to them and give them some insight. Maybe they don't realize what they're doing and the heartache it brings to you. But, then again, they may want to keep reigns on you no matter what you say. Bottom line is that as long as you live with them, you are somewhat bound to their rules. Move out of the house and freedom is yours for all time. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heidi2 Posted May 14, 2003 Author Share Posted May 14, 2003 [color=green][/color] Thanx:: Tony!! What you had written does make absolute sense.. And MOVING OUT OF MY HOUSE.. is one thing that I definately feel I should do... & not in any ways either.. just for the fact that maybe then.. TRUST in all directions will start coming in my favor!! ==) Link to post Share on other sites
steffany Posted May 14, 2003 Share Posted May 14, 2003 I graduated from college about 3 years ago and my parents were exactly like yours. It drove me mad but I was smart enough to keep staying with them for 2 years after I graduated. Not because I liked it or I was scared to move away...I am very independant. But because I wanted to be very sure I got my two years experience and had a job to start my career and had plenty of money saved for decorating, emergencies and fun in the bank as back up. I now live on my own and am living very comfortable. I didn't have to go through living paycheck to pay check and eating rice and noodles every night. And I feel very close to my parents now that I'm out. Although there is an issue of importance I have kept from them and need to talk to them about. But I talk happily and mostly open with them about every other day. See the things they told me and that drove me up the wall while "Under their roof" are some of the guide lines that make me successful. If I were you and doing it all over again I would still do it just the way I did. I say all those crazy years with my parents gave me character Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heidi2 Posted May 14, 2003 Author Share Posted May 14, 2003 [color=blue][/color] Thank you very much 4 your inside and yet personal experiences on this matter.. which I'm going through now.. At least I can sense through reading what you've written that there "is" light at the other end of the tunnel!! Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted May 14, 2003 Share Posted May 14, 2003 I'm 40 years old, financially independent, own my home and am a mother of a 20-year-old daughter myself...and my father STILL questions my decisions and offers his unsolicited advice! (ha ha) I think somewhere in your parents hearts, you will always be their "little girl." Parents are always more protective of their female offspring. To them, you are vulnerable to that nasty world out there, no matter what age you are. Living under your parents roof at ANY age will cause them undo stress. Of course you're old enough to do what you want, but you parents still cringe when you stumble in that door a four in the morning, worry themselves sick if you don't come home, or DREAD the thought of you possibly having sex with some guy. If its not happening "right under their noses" its easier for them to fool themselves into thinking its not happening. After all these years of conditioning themselves to "save" you from the evils of the world, its a hard habit to break! Get yourself your own place and spare them the NIGHTMARE of you growing up! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heidi2 Posted May 14, 2003 Author Share Posted May 14, 2003 Thanks for your insights and advice. ==) And coming from a different par of the spectrum (parent). It also helps... to understand how 'you' feel, & w/ your child. Thanks again, Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted May 14, 2003 Share Posted May 14, 2003 However, there should be a time in 'everyones' life where the 'apron-strings' should be cutt.. This will happen when you move out of your parent's house. If you are living under their roof, you owe it to them to follow their wishes. I went away to college, but when I was home for holidays, my parents still expected me to be home by a certain hour, and to let them know what I was up to. It was strange because I was used to doing what I wanted, but it was their house. So... Just be patient--soon enough you will be out on your own and won't have to answer to anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
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