I don't like my little brother.

[Flyleaf7889]

I love him, but I do not like him.

 

Ever since he turned one, he's been ruining my life...

 

 

• He won't let me do anything for him. He'll cry and whine for hours for something, I'll give it to him, and he just puts it back and screams until someone else gives it to him. Like, today, he asked for juice, so I gave him some, and he threw it back and cried until my other brother gave it to him.
  
• He calls me disrespectful names. I know, words can never hurt you, but still. The last thing I need is some little kid walking around insulting me all day. "Oh, Lindsay, you're stupid!" "You're dumb, Lindsay!". It's getting old.
  
• Every time I try to talk to him, he tells me to stop talking. I'll ask how his day was or what he did at daycare, and he'll just say "stop talking" in the rudest voice. Nothing more, just the simple "stop talking". Coming from a 3-year-old. Yeah.
  
• He swears at me all the time. He doesn't say any foul words to anyone else, just to me. And God-forbid I tell him to not say it, because he'll just tell me to stop talking. =/
  
• He won't listen to anything I tell him to do. "Help me clean up your room, Jake", I'll say, and he'll just yell "No" and go do whatever. He's says this, every time.
  
• He gets away with everything. This is my parents' fault, too, because they let him get away with it. Basically, he could murder someone and as long as he cries enough, he's off Scot-free.
  

 

^ So, these are all of the things he does that bother me. ^

 

Also, I might want to add that my parents pretty much do nothing about his behavior. My mom constantly ignores my authority, and my dad just really doesn't care. Like, if I tell Jake (my little brother), no cookies before bed, he'll cry about it, and soon enough, he's walking to bed with a plate full of cookies. I'm at the point where talking to my brother is like talking to wall. Why even try to waste my breath? Like I said before, I love him, but I really don't even want anything to do with him, anymore. I do not like him. My 3-year-old, little brother acts like he's my superior, and I'm done!

 

 

K, so that's my rant. Sorry it's so long. =)

[tinktronik]

This is normal. Your parents are the authority, let them run the show. That's it.

[Flyleaf7889]

But how can I possibly do that if I'm always around him? I guess I should have mentioned before that I'm usually the one watching him, when he's not in daycare, so it's really very difficult to want to be around him when he acts like this. Both of my parents work for 11 hours each day, and he's home with me on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and for the rest of the week he's at daycare. So, what do I do on those days to help both him and me? I want him to have a good time while he's here, as well as I want to have a good time.

[aznprincess]

hey.. your brother is 3 years old and you are what. Right? understand him better, be smart enough to work around that barrier that your baby brother put up.. im sure you can think of a plan. Little boys are really like that.. its their nature. You cant expect them to make sense now.

[TaraMaiden]

Wrong.

he makes perfect sense.

to him.

if anyone ever tells me kids don't know what they're doing, and can't manipulate, I'd think they've never had kids or been around them.

 

Fly, I don't know how old you are, but if he's been left in your care, then it means you're old enough to be responsible for him.

And if he's in your care, you have to take the lead and take responsibility.

if your parents don't like the way you treat him, let them find someone else to look after him. While he's with you, it's your rules or it's hit the road.

Loving someone - especially someone that young - means having to set boundaries, and calling the shots.

if he continues to do this, can you see any girl ever wanting to date him?

His behaviour now, sets what happens to him in the future.

 

before I can comment further, I need to know how old you are.....

[Flyleaf7889]

I'm 17. And thanks for everyone's input, so far. =)

 

I understand about setting limits, but it's hard because, like I said before, my parents don't enforce my rules. So, I know it's hard for my brother, because I don't let him get away with everything and my parents do; he's too young to know that my boundaries and expectations for him differ from my parents'.

 

Also, if I wanted someone else to watch him, we'd just put him in daycare for the entire week. Right now, we're just trying to get him to socialize more so he'll be ready for pre-school, but we don't want him there all week because, as I said above, my parents both work for 11 hours each day and it's bad to have him there for that long every single day.

 

BUT, I am happy to say that he was good this week. We just got finished playing football and soccer outside and he was really awesome! I swear, he's going to be an athlete one of these days! =DDD

[TaraMaiden]

Fly, that's the point - you don't get it:

He is absolutely completely NOT too young... that's why he's pushing his boundaries and your limits: Because he knows exactly that he can't manipulate you in the same way he does his parents.

He realises you are no pushover, so that's a challenge to him. That's why he plays up. Because you resist his behaviour.

Keep at it.

This is how you earn his respect: By sticking to your guns, and your principles. By meeting him at every line he crosses and firmly putting him back behind it.

 

Broadly speaking, children misbehave for 2 reasons.

One, to discover just how far they can push you, and what you will - and won't - accept.

two, to gain your attention.

As he gets older, he will become more discursive and logical, and you'll be able to reason with him in more and more 'grown-up' ways.... so currently, you have to keep things at his level...

 

If you'll excuse me saying, I find it unreasonable that both your parents work such long hours, because this means that whilst they gain in some areas, they're definitely losing out in others... and being with their kids while they grow up, is one of them.

Can they not consider staggering their hours....?

 

You're doing a grand job.

But maybe some of your resentment is aimed at your mum and dad for leaving you in this situation in the first place?

I know I resented my mum and dad a bit for doing the same to me.

In fact, I was damn cross!

[Onecontent]

Flyleaf7889,

 

Your younger brother is going through the terrible two's. This period will last from age 11/2 through 31/2. No matter what you do he will be less than cooperative. It is just the nature of children that age.

 

There is something that you MUST do now if you are concerned about your brother's long term good and your own long term good: You must plan what you are going to do when you are 18 and reach your legal majority. I am assuming that presently you are a high school student that your parents are using you as an unpaid babysitter. What will they do once you are 18?

 

Please forgive my presumption but I am assuming that your parents are working class people trapped in low paying, possibly off the books jobs or professionals with a warped sense of priorities.

 

If it is the former, TaraMaiden, his parents do not have the option of staggering their hours. If it is the latter then you are right on target. (I am assuming Flyleaf7889 is male. Please forgive me if I am wrong.)

 

Consider this Flyleaf7889:

 

After you finish high school you will have basically three options: to go to work; go to college/trade school; to join the military. None of these options will necessarily be conducive to watching a 4 year old. Your have to make a plan for you life whether it is convenient for your parent's situation or not. I suggest that you indirectly confront this by discussing your post high school plans and your long term vision with your parents. This should be a series of discussions. If they are too tired to listen, you must make a plan in any event. Choose an adult who loves you and/or has your best interests at heart to bounce your ideas off of. This should be a person who sees possibilities as opposed to a dream killing loser who has accomplished little and wants you to wallow in a similar pigsty. Pray over your plans, asking God for divine wisdom and favor. Be ready to begin executing them upon graduation.

 

I see another problem as illustrated in this quote:

 

Also, if I wanted someone else to watch him, we'd just put him in daycare for the entire week. Right now, we're just trying to get him to socialize more so he'll be ready for pre-school, but we don't want him there all week because, as I said above, my parents both work for 11 hours each day and it's bad to have him there for that long every single day.

 

Flyleaf7889,

 

I think it is wonderful that you are loving and responsible. Someday you will make an excellent husband and father. Having said this, the fact remains that you did not lie down and conceive your brother. Your brother has two living parents. It is not your role to be a parental figure. There should be no "we" as in you, your mother, and your father.

 

Your father impregnated your mother and it is his role to be your brother's father. If you are even partially fulfilling the role that should belong to your father, you are imperiling the relationship between your brother, you, and your father. I am sorry your father works long hours but he will have to be daddy now if he wishes to be able to discipline your brother later on. Your father will not like you handing his role back to him but it is necessary for all your long term happiness.

 

If this "we" exists only in your mind, then you are imperiling your relationship with your brother. Your brother will resent you later in life if you continue act more as a father than as a brother. Change your thinking while you are still mentally flexible.

 

Final thought:

 

Your parents both work 11 hours a day and the option of putting your brother in preschool 11 a day is economically feasible. I hope that you are doing your thing on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. If you are not, please obtain an afterschool job immediately. You need experience in the work world. If your parents can afford to pay for 55 hours of daycare a week, they can afford to cut their work hours, change their spending priorities, and raise their own little monster.