I just want to get away

[EddieN]

My parents hate each other. I never thought I'd say this but I wish they'd just get a divorce to stop all the bitterness and misery.

 

My dad started sleeping in the guest room, separate from my mom, about a year and a half ago. I thought it was just because of his snoring at first but it's turned out to be much worse. My mom had a rough life while my dad kind of had it easy (though that doesn't mean he doesn't work his ass off, he just got more opportunities). My mom resents her past that has limited her life and resents my dad. She believes that he has brought her down.

 

I came home today after a hard day of work/school and thought everything was fine, but then I discovered broken pictures and pots...signs of a big fight. Now that my mom is accusing my dad of cheating on her or at least talking to another woman who he apparently wanted to marry over 30 years ago. Neither of them want to get me involved, but whenever they're both home at the same time it's miserable. It's getting worse every day.

 

My dad is not the most likable person and he has done some very questionable things to my mom in the past...some were way before I was born. My mom has been dwelling on these things for as long as I can remember, though. She will not let bad things go, even if they were done 30 years ago. For the last 15 years or so my dad has shown some coldness to my mom, but my mom has also showed a lot of coldness to my dad. Both of them claim that any bad act was because of the other's coldness.

 

I don't care who's at fault more...all I know is they're miserable together. Home used to be the only haven for me, but now it's another war ground. Really, I truly feel that the best thing to do now is end it and have them live their separate lives (though that's not possible at the moment because of money).

[EddieN]

My mom won't leave my dad alone. She's been going to his room slamming on the door every few minutes for the past few hours. My brother and I are doing what we can to intervene to make sure nothing happens.

 

This really sucks.

[roflmao]

Hi EddieN. I know what you're going through. When I was a bit younger, my parents had some serious fights and they both planned on getting divorced. Although I was only...5/6 years old(?) it was terrifying to see my parents arguing with each other. I even cried in front of them, not to make them stop, but just because it was too much for me to handle. But now here comes the good part: I think every couple who decides do have a baby should take care of him like if was the most important thing in the whole world (at least, that's what i'm going to do, when I get married and have kids, if that's ever going to happen lol). In your case, since you have a brother (which can be good for supporting each other during that bad phase), "join forces" with him and together try make your parents realise that arguing isn't good for them neither for you two. Everyone needs a home where they know they can enter and feel completely safe and be loved. Whatever the reasons are for arguing, make them understand that they have better things to hold on to...as a couple, they need to get over the problems together. And if they think marrige was a mistake, well they just have to look at you and your brother, because you guys are the living proof that they are meant for eachother.

 

I know it isn't always like this, but at least it should be. The world isn't a fantasy book where all happens perfectly. But we all can work together to get a bit closer to perfection. (=

 

I hope this whole speech helped you. Hang on tight! You will all get over this ; )

[TaraMaiden]

A friend of mine went through a similar scenarion a few years ago.

Finally, one day, she lost it, and screamed at them both at the top of her voice.

She let them have it with both barrels:

 

How childish they were, how they were tearing the kids apart and for chrissakes, if they couldn't manage to live under one roof together in a civil manner, then either get counselling or something or just bloody well get divorced, and have done with it, because the kids were sick and tired, fed up to the back teeth and the whole thing was so selfish, because they neither of them cared a damn about the effect on the kids, providing one of them got the upper hand.

Better two content parents divorced than one couple living in misery.

They had loved each other once upon a time,hadn't they? Well find a bit of that original affection, even if you meet together to divide things logically and in a civil manner.

But shut the hell up, both of you!!

 

The parents were quite shocked to have a child of theirs speak to them like that - but it hit home....

They divorced 7 months later.

 

The family now gets on really well.

 

I really do wish you all the best.

How old are you, if I may ask?

[EddieN]

I'm 20. If this was happening 10 years ago I would be devastated. I can take it now, which is why I say I would rather them be separate and calm for the rest of their lives.

 

A lot of the fighting is one-sided. My dad hardly ever retaliates because he knows it will just add fuel to the fire.

 

My mom has valid points about my dad. He's done some cold things, but so has she. The thing is, she doesn't let things go while my dad does. She's still bitter about things that happened 30 years ago.

 

My dad is extremely cautious, reserved, and fair. He comes off as pessimistic a lot of times and is not very encouraging. He rarely shows his emotions. I sometimes share my mom's frustrations with him. Whenever I have a question about girls I go to my mom because my dad will most likely discourage me and make me feel like most girls are out of my league, because that's the way he felt when he was younger.

 

My mom is the opposite. She is overly-ambitious and a major risk taker, sometimes to the point of it being a fault. Every week she has a new idea to make money and tends to exaggerate. Most of her ideas are ridiculous, but if anyone makes any indication to her that they're impractical she'll accuse them of bringing her down.

 

Someone who's impractically ambitious and someone who never takes risks unless nearly forced to make a horrible couple.

 

My mom is at the doctor now with my brother and my aunt. She is mentally ill. I just want her to be happy, but she can't do that unless she stops dwelling on the past. Last night she couldn't sleep knowing that my dad was sleeping, so she kept him and the rest of us up all night.

[NotKelly]

Sorry EddieN that you are going through such a tough time.

 

I wish my parents would get divorced too... and I'm 40. My parents have been separated for 19 years, and they're still married. They only talk at funerals or when it's tax time (and usually they make me carry messages between them).

 

They are extremely immature and care little about how this affects me and my sister.

[cyml]

Hi,

 

My parents are exactly like that. They are divorced now, but honestly, it didn't solve much.

 

My mom is the same overly-ambitious type and my dad's more of a "stay in comfort zone" type of guy. She has the same high hopes and dreams and if anyone tries to point out that they might not be achievable she'll get angry with them and tell them they're not being supportive and guilt-trip them. She's very passionate, whereas my dad's... less of that. My mom yells while my dad keeps quiet cause he knows it'll just make it worse. My dad have done some cold things to my mom too, some of them before I was born, but she still fixates on those situations.

 

But the thing is - I always thought a divorce would just solve everything. It doesn't, especially if there's still children involved. You mentioned you are 20, but if you have younger siblings - there's the whole question of financial support and stuff like that can get nasty. They do at my home.

 

And my mom's fixation with the past didn't disappear once the divorce was gone. It just transferred over to me - her eldest. She has a boyfriend and everything now, but she still complains about my father to me.

 

I guess the only way for my parents to just stop fighting would be to cut of connections completely. I don't know if this helps, but hopefully it sheds some light.