cecile Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 My parents are divorced. Today when we were driving, my mom kept on nagging/bitching my dad to drive slower and watch out. This kept on going for the entire ride until I said something like "shut the *** up!". In any case, backseat driving annoys the hell out of me; having to listen to her telling him what to do and where to go... Okay, and my dad kept complaining about money. "Get a job." "Get a boyfriend." to my mom. He made me feel horrible after he gave me money because he kept harping on the fact that he already did. He says he doesn't "have any. He suggested I transfer to a community college in an area that he is aware that I detest and is close to my mom. (I'm already in a 4 yr university on deans list- thank you very much. Neither of my parents help out with college.) He's "down" "playing"me, says insensitive things and comments on crap that is beyond his understanding or care to understand. I'm so fed up with my parents; I just feel like leaving and never returning. I'm back on summer break visiting. I'm to the point where I feel like never picking up another call or going over to visit. It sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 What the heck are your divorced parents doing in the same car together? I don't like mine being in the same state as each other. In a car would be disaster...I certainly don't have a death wish. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 Man, that sucks. As a divorced parent of 2 children, I don't ever want to put them into those kinds of situations. Out of curiosity, do you end up spending a fair amount of time with the both of them together like that, or was it some kind of a special circumstance, like they both came and picked you up from the airport or something? It sounds like it would be a real pain to be around them together for any length of time - too bad they have to keep bickering like spouses when they should be enjoying your visit as parents. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted July 5, 2009 Share Posted July 5, 2009 Just meet them somewhere neutral. Seperately. ..and yes, get a job. Money does not grow on trees, you know Take care, Eve xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author cecile Posted July 6, 2009 Author Share Posted July 6, 2009 Man, that sucks. As a divorced parent of 2 children, I don't ever want to put them into those kinds of situations. Out of curiosity, do you end up spending a fair amount of time with the both of them together like that, or was it some kind of a special circumstance, like they both came and picked you up from the airport or something? It sounds like it would be a real pain to be around them together for any length of time - too bad they have to keep bickering like spouses when they should be enjoying your visit as parents. Hardly had any connection with my dad in earlier years. Awful relationship with mom which ensued lots of suffering. Visiting and contacting both now with intention to reconcile. This was a shopping trip. We invited my mom to come along. It's disappointing, and discouraging when I'm turning my life around from all the suffering I've experienced so far. I want to. I want grace and smoothness. It sucks even more when **** like this happens, because that's when confusion, emotions, anger, out of controllness and curses come out. Hopefully I come out of this unscathed and can continue a healthy life. I'd like to do it for my growth, my boyfriend and future children. (My concern/anxiety in these situations is maybe I've got the qualities/behaviors of my parents? HOPEFULLY OTHERWISE.) Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 Listen here: I strongly suggest that you consider "reconciliation" to be two separate processes: one between you and your father, and another between you and your mother. Bite off small chunks first. (and these chunks aren't even very small, at that...) I would be VERY careful about any attempt to "reconcile" the two of them. Not that it's not your place or your concern, but are dabbling in an area that may be well out of your control here. There are reasons they don't get along, and haven't for a long time, and you will only get caught in the battle if you try to bring them together... I think if there's any hope of progress, you need to think of these as individual relationships between you and each of them - separately. And I know that may be hard for you to accept, I really empathize with you, both as a child of divorced parents and a divorced parent of 2 children - it's the ultimate trauma of every child of divorce to come to accept the separateness of her divorced parents, and the ripping apart of her unified relationship with "them" into two very separate ones. But I think you are just setting yourself up for heartache, and dabbling in powers that you cannot control, to try to swing for the fence and get all three of you together and happy at the same time. Are you getting any sense of progress, reconciliation, rapprochement, with either of them individually? You may have to take that as success, and set aside your hope of bringing all 3 of you together. Link to post Share on other sites
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