dreamergrl Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 I came back to my home state earlier this year. Some bad stuff had happened to me, and I came back with nothing. My mom and step dad where nice enough to take me in for a while. I also wanted to help out my mom, as she's been sick with Lyme Disease. She's been having a hard time with it. I help out as much as I possibly can. But I can't do everything perfect. She wants me to remember everything she can't. If I forget something, I never hear the end of it. She says she wants help with house stuff, I do my best, anything she asks, but she always complains what's wrong with how I did something. I have a past, like a lot of people. I wasn't the best person in my early adulthood. (I'm 27 now) I'm doing my best every day to be a better person. I try to make up for all my wrongs. Right up to the last dime I owe my mom and step dad for them helping me out when I was young. I give them from $600-$1,000 a month depends on my checks. Thankfully, that debt is almost taken care of. I'll be able to move soon. But each day I get more and more down. She told me once I should have to be miserable until I've perfectly made up for my mistakes. This last weekend, they went up north for the weekend. I cleaned the house top to bottom for her. I took care of all outside work. Everything. I worked my butt off because I wanted her to come home without having to do anything because she hasn't been feeling good. She asked me some questions about what happened at our work while she was gone, I didn't have answers for her, at least not the ones she wanted. She called me completely useless. She looked at our lawn, said, "Wow I'm shocked you even did it, you missed spots though". I know I owe them and need to be appreciative that they are giving me a chance to be a better person, but, is a "Thanks for getting all this done for me" too much to ask? She's constantly putting me down. I don't think she's happy with my step dad, she's always complaining about me to him, or to me about him. I feel bad she's going through a hard time, but I feel like she's taking it out on me. I try talking to her about it, but nothing is different. I find myself wondering if maybe I really do deserve to be miserable until I can make everything right the way it should be. I have an anxiety disorder, that for a long time I had under control. But lately I've been having to start taking stuff for it. I feel stressed a lot of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
BannaBee57 Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 My best advice for you is to get out of the house as soon as you can. You sound like you have a plan in place for that, so just keep plugging along until you're free. Everyone makes mistakes, so don't let them get you down for the things you can't change. You do not deserve to be miserable until you've atoned for these said mistakes. If it's any consolation I'm in a very similar position with my parents now and am counting the days until I move. Some people just aren't happy with their lives so they have to make everyone around them miserable in the process. Good luck and keep your chin up Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 No one should have to put up with being minimalized, degraded and made to feel like a slave. Move out NOW and if you feel you need to completely repay the debt, do so at a slower pace or put it away into a bank account and repay the debt in one shot by mailing a cheque. What your mother is displaying isn't tough love. It's abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetcheripie Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 No one should have to put up with being minimalized, degraded and made to feel like a slave. Move out NOW and if you feel you need to completely repay the debt, do so at a slower pace or put it away into a bank account and repay the debt in one shot by mailing a cheque. What your mother is displaying isn't tough love. It's abuse. Totally agree. I normally don't suggest going into more debt but it might be worth it in this case to get a loan and just pay them off completely. Who wouldn't have anxiety walking on eggshells constantly? Link to post Share on other sites
Montclair0011 Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Get out. Get out. Get out. I absolutely agree with the above posters. This is a toxic relationship. I was also raised by a mom who never had a good word for anything I did. I ended up marrying a man who was the same way. You are young enough to prevent this from happening to you. Get yourself away from these people, and do what you need to get a good job. And then spend the money on a shrink so you don't end repeating this situation with a partner for another 20 years. You have suffered enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted June 2, 2009 Author Share Posted June 2, 2009 I agree I need to move out asap. It is looking like neither one of us will be getting summer hours at our work. Now she wants me to find a summer job for the BOTH of us, work together AGAIN. What was suppose to happen, was I'd be buying her car, she'd be getting a new one. Now she's saying she doesn't know if that will be happening, and we'd have to car pool for work. I don't even know how to explain to either one of them that I can't stand the idea of working with her this summer. Yesterday at work she started bawling me out for something stupid, in front of people (this isn't the first time she's done this). She left the room and everyone looked at me, and said "Tell her to leave this crap at home, we don't need to here her yelling at you". It's not the first time someone has said something to me either. It makes me want to bury my head somewhere. I love my job too. She hates it. If I wouldn't have been giving them such large sums of money, I'd have a car by now, and be able to be long gone. But I got left under the impression I'd be eventually buying there car, and able to make payments on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted June 3, 2009 Author Share Posted June 3, 2009 Can anyone suggest a good way to deal with all this until I can get out? Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 She is unhappy and taking it out on you, you know that. And you love her. When my Mom was ill, I would take care of the house for her and she was never happy with it. Her real frustration was not with me, but with the fact that she couldnt do it herself. I didnt understand this for years. Still, this anxiety will continue and if it doesnt stop - you will do the same to your daughter. Anyway you can stop paying them, so you can save for a car? Force the issue for as long as you can stand it, then leave? Drastic I know. The past, your past, is history. Embrace it, learn from it, forgive yourself the mistakes but take the lessons with you. They make up who you are and who you will become. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted June 3, 2009 Author Share Posted June 3, 2009 I know she is taking her unhappiness out on me, but I can't help to feel like a failure because she's always pointing out all my past mistakes. She wont let any of them going, regardless how I am trying to make amends. If I stop paying them, I am almost for sure I'll be homeless. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 Dreamer, this situation is so unfair to you. I can't wait until you move out. I feel like the anxiety you struggle with will diminish once you do. Is the idea of getting a loan one you could investigate? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted June 3, 2009 Author Share Posted June 3, 2009 Dreamer, this situation is so unfair to you. I can't wait until you move out. I feel like the anxiety you struggle with will diminish once you do. Is the idea of getting a loan one you could investigate? My credit isn't the greatest, due to some of my past mistakes. This was suppose to be an opportunity to also get back on my feet, but it hasn't been going that way. Half the time I feel like all they care about is getting their money back, and want to shoo me off right away. Link to post Share on other sites
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