sheila380 Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 Last night was truly one of the most horrible experiences in my life and i want to know if it was all my fault (thanks for reading i really appreciate any advice you can give me.) first a quick bit about me: i'm 18 - i have a full time job and i live with my parents - i pay a token amount of rent (which my mum puts in a bank for my pension or something - like i said its only a token gesture) My dad has always been difficult - he has a horrible temper - derived from his dad whom he does not speak to anymore - he doesnt seem to realise that hes a carbon copy of his own dad. last night: I was backing up my hard drive on my computer and downloading all this stuff which took me ages to set up (and had been in progress for about 8 hours or something insane) and i went for a shower - i came out of the shower to see that my pc had been turned off - hence losing all my download and with the possibility of causing major damage to my pc - because it was in the middle of backing up when it was turned off. I was furious and i went through to my dad - who was currently involved in playing an online computer game (hes never off it) - and was on speakerphone to his online mates - i asked him if he had switched off my computer and he (unapologetically) said he had and that it was because it was making his computer go slow - this when things started to get nasty. I started shouting at him about how i had lost all my data (i know i shouldnt have but i was so angry that he hadnt even the courtesy to ask me and didnt seem to care at all) (of course he was still on speakerphone at the time...) then my mum came in to see what was wrong - after i had told her she started having a go at my dad as well - to which he just replied (still playing his game) with: **** off. **** off u bitches. etc etc then my mum got wound up and was asking him what right he had to switch off my computer without asking me etc and threatened that if she went and switched off his pc now it would be exactly the same thing. So she did... at that point my dad got up and raised his fist towards mum - i have never seen him lose control like that he was really about to hit her and me - he pushed us forcefully away before turning his back on us and started smashing up his pc meanwhile shouting and screaming abuse at us. he then pushed us out the room before running through and attempting to smash up my room - we stopped him luckily - meanwhile my mum was screaming that she was going to call the police etc. then he locked himself back in his room. My mum was so calm about it and just went and continued her paperwork - i think i just sat and cried for a bit or something pathetic lol.. a few minutes later he went and turned off the power to mums laptop which she was using for her work - again my mum just stayed calm then even apologised to him!!! he came through to me and started screaming about the state of my room - or something totally irrelevent and then left again. i went through to my mum later who seemed to be now on my dads side and think this was all my fault because i was the one who lost my cool in the first place. at first i thought it wasnt my fault but now im not so sure... was it my fault? please answer honestly. Thanks for reading, Sheila Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 It sounds to me like all of you have anger issues. Your Dad was wrong to shut off your C, but you were wrong for berating him, he is, after all, your father. Your mother was wrong to treat him like a child and turn his C off, to make her point. He was totally wrong for threatening violence. None of you were blameless, and none of you tried to control the situation. My suggestion is that your family go to counseling, and see if you can manage your anger better. Link to post Share on other sites
freia Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 No, your father is the one who's acted prematurely here. You shuold not have to obey his wrongdoing just because he is your father, but you might have to because you live in his house. Unfortunately, very often mothers allow themselves to be emotionally abused to "keep the peace". I know you are young, but you seem smart and self-respecting. You might want to ask for a family meeting when everybody are calm and ask for the "rules of the house". YOu may want to ask: "Can I expect a notification before my computer is shut off or are my personal items considered common property until I can afford to leave the house?" This might embarrass your father enough to learn a lesson. Remember, if he physically attacks you or your mother it is domestic abuse and should be reported. Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
freia Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Sorry double posting. Correct 'prematurely' to 'immaturely'. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Your Dad's behavior was nut job. It's good that you also recognize your mom's back & forth behavior regarding him. Sounds like a lot of dysfunction at home. Please know that there is not a home without some dysfunction. The trick is to not take it with you. Your Dad has taken his Dad's dysfunction with him. You have to make an effort to NOT DO THAT. Be aware, and dont participate. You can still love them. this is their's . Soon you will make your own. Take the good things with you and leave the rest. Link to post Share on other sites
dancergal85 Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 I don't think you were wrong or that it was your fault. Which it may be too similar to how my mom acts and I can't stand her so I may be wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
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