Possibilities And Prophecy

[DayEnder]

I often wonder (and worry): Am I self-defeatingly littering the Internet (and perhaps some of my e-mail inboxes) with rambling, recklessly confessional messages that will only compound any torment I may feel in the not-too-distant future? Won't the misery from finally accepting the futility of illusions only be multiplied heavily when one stumbles on -- or has to go hunting for -- prolix grumblings that were posted anywhere from seven days to X years earlier?

 

Whatever the above answers may be, I recently had one of the most disheartening church services in my recent memory (at the risk of blaspheming). In the smoothly authoritative voice that he used in earlier times to warn against abortion and against disgracing the Eucharist, the priest prophesized that a member of our parish, of our church community, was readying to do something singularly foolhardy in the year 2009 -- an undertaking that person would surely waste time regretting. Scoffing aside about the "convenient," scare-tactics vagueness of his words (no gender, age range, physical stature and, of course, no ethnicity of the misguided parishioner given), I have repeatedly -- if dramatically and despairingly -- written about going for family-unauthorized testing to confirm (or disprove) Klinefelter's syndrome while risking all sorts of potentially fatal (or maiming) obstructions that I encounter heading to and/or leaving the testing or sample-deposit site. I fail to remember the syntax of those five words:

 

YOU WILL SHED TEARS UNCONTROLLABLY

Or maybe it was:

YOU WILL SHED UNCONTROLLABLE TEARS

 

I have ruminated over the words' meanings. They could mean that I am stopped in attempting to head out to go get tested (and I end up bawling endlessly). They could mean that I am "intercepted" after leaving my home and I am tearfully escorted back (unable to convincingly lie to or simply ignore the other person). The words may mean that I do succeed in getting tested -- or in giving a biological sample, at any rate -- but that my folks really let me "have it" when I return, with or without my first telling them where I went. The words may mean that some contaminant will grievously afflict my eyes while I head to or leave the testing site. Or the warning may be that some medically or morally risky "treatment" or "cure" for whatever my disorder might be will end up inducing tormentingly ceaseless lacrimation -- and not necessarily in the year 2009!