Why does my cousin act like this?

[lexi29]

My cousin is the same age as me and we were best friends growing up. Did everything together, she was always at my house etc. We went to different colleges and we drifted apart. We see eachother maybe twice a year. She has her own house, a good job and two kids. She and her boys' father are not together anymore. Growing up, she was not what I'd call spoiled. She first lived with her mom at her grandparents house and then her mom got married and had her sister when she was ten and they lived in a trailer ever since. She never met her father. The only way she was ever spoiled is her parents bought her and her sister everything they wanted for christmas. (the one time of year they would save money and give the kids a huge christmas).

 

Now, her two boys are 6 and 3 and I don't know them that well but they are good kids. I always buy them a christmas gift. Well something this year really bothers me. I bought the younger one this neat racecar that makes different sounds and it has Bat Man on it. Well i was informed by my aunt (cousin's mom) that I'll have to take the gift back and get something else because my cousin does not believe in comic book heroes and her kids are not allowed to play with anything that depicts them. My aunt said last year someone got her son a spiderman toy and my cousin had a fit and was really angry that she had to take it back.

Now, I think I bought the toy in question and am upset because #1 my cousin has never told me what her kids are allowed to have and what they are not. Of course, I would ask any parent before I bought their child toy guns, or maybe something that was loud etc. But would NEVER think to ask if a child is permitted to play with comic book characters. I found out they are also not allowed to have anything camo or anything that looks like the military. (their father hunts so I find that weird).

 

Why is my cousin like this? I don't understand why she would get angry and be unappreciative that someone bought her kids something. It would be one thing is she told everyone what she doesn't approve of and then we went out and bought it anyway. Apparently, now she is very picky about gifts for herself as well- my aunt said something has to be EXACTLY what she wants or she will throw a fit and demand you take it back. (she is 29). I don't ever remember her being this way when we were growing up. I'm kind of afraid to buy her children anything now (but am still going to) because if its not "right" then she's going to flip out. What makes a person this way?

[corazoncito]

I can sympathize with her to some extent. Visit some parenting forums and you'll see that there are a lot of moms (and dads) these days who are sick of "characters" whether they are from Disney, comic books, WWE/WWF (whatever it's called now), Saturday morning cartoons, etc. These characters get marketed on EVERY kind of crap you can imagine and especially smaller children can get obessessed. My friends' child is OBSSESSED with Barbie and Disney Princesses. She wants EVERYTHING she sees that has a picture of any of these characters on it whether it be toys, pencils, lunchboxes, books, crayons, clothes, shoes, dishes, soap, you get the picture. And it's an ordeal getting her to understand these things cost money and she doesn't need them (it's not like she needs a new lunchbox and wants a Barbie one. She already has a perfectly fine lunchbox she picked out herself but now she wants another simply because it has Barbie on it). She also thinks that a girl's dream in life should be to marry a handsome prince and that ugly girls are "bad" (but that's a whole other topic). I can see why some parents try to do whatever they can to keep that marketing out of their home.

 

I think it is very sweet and loving of you to get a nice toy for your nephew. And I think your cousin should have been more clear with her family and friends that she doesn't allow "character" merchandise in the house. The thing about asking you to return it is really merciful to the kid. Imagine if you got a gift you like and then found out you couldn't keep it. It's better to just give him something else. From the parents' perspective, if you're going to have rules like no "characters" you have to be consistent about reinforcing them. Once you make an exception the kids will expect more. And honestly, her house, her rules.

[lexi29]

I can sympathize with her to some extent. Visit some parenting forums and you'll see that there are a lot of moms (and dads) these days who are sick of "characters" whether they are from Disney, comic books, WWE/WWF (whatever it's called now), Saturday morning cartoons, etc. These characters get marketed on EVERY kind of crap you can imagine and especially smaller children can get obessessed. My friends' child is OBSSESSED with Barbie and Disney Princesses. She wants EVERYTHING she sees that has a picture of any of these characters on it whether it be toys, pencils, lunchboxes, books, crayons, clothes, shoes, dishes, soap, you get the picture. And it's an ordeal getting her to understand these things cost money and she doesn't need them (it's not like she needs a new lunchbox and wants a Barbie one. She already has a perfectly fine lunchbox she picked out herself but now she wants another simply because it has Barbie on it). She also thinks that a girl's dream in life should be to marry a handsome prince and that ugly girls are "bad" (but that's a whole other topic). I can see why some parents try to do whatever they can to keep that marketing out of their home.

 

I think it is very sweet and loving of you to get a nice toy for your nephew. And I think your cousin should have been more clear with her family and friends that she doesn't allow "character" merchandise in the house. The thing about asking you to return it is really merciful to the kid. Imagine if you got a gift you like and then found out you couldn't keep it. It's better to just give him something else. From the parents' perspective, if you're going to have rules like no "characters" you have to be consistent about reinforcing them. Once you make an exception the kids will expect more. And honestly, her house, her rules.

 

 

I see your point about kids getting obsessed with characters. My best friend's son (2) was obsessed with the movie Cars. He had everything with Cars characters on it. He even had cars underwear and wanted to carry them around (like a blanket). I just don't understand 1) why my cousin doesn't come out and tell us that she doesn't allow certain characters (she didnt' tell us but got VERY upset when we gave presents that didn't meet her standards) And she doesn't mind characters in general ( her kids have transformers, smurfs, carebears, sesame street characters) I guess it is just super heroes in general. She says she "doesn't believe in them". Also I was told her kids like monster trucks but I'm not allowed to buy them an army tank or a humvee. I guess I am just surprised that she would get so violently upset and not appreciate that someone is doing something nice for her kids.

[tidalwave]

I would seriously just not worry so much about it. take the gift back or tell her to take it back or tell her to sell it, what do you care? she should be more up front about what is good/ok and what isn't good/ok for her kids but from now on give gift cards or something safe like that. you cant control or change other people so dont worry yourself with her personal likes/dislikes beliefs/non-beliefs, etc.