Can't deal with family

[atq83]

I can honestly say that I am done with feeling this way. Since I can remember both of my parents have been alcoholics, drinking every waking moment. My mother gets incredible violent, belligerent, and abusive both physically and verbally. I get cursed out usually every weeknight and weekend for being a worthless pile of ****. My dad is quite passive and does what he wants, usually sitting out in out garage alone. I have never really had a strong bond with him, he just seems to want to be on his own. Me and my mom have always had problems, she has always criticized me and told me "I can't" and I have been trying to do otherwise. I am not a bad kid, I have straight A's, I don't do drugs, I have never smoked or drank alcohol. My mom hates me, truly. I have a younger sibling who was always the favorite in the family, he was always treated better. It seems as while my mother hated me, she always depended on me. As stated previously, she is dangerous drunk. Really dangerous. I have had her tell me to give up, among a slew of other insults. When things go bad (money, etc) I get the receiving end of it.

 

I can remember being hit, by my mother for nothing. She initiated an argument with me on whether to go to a prestigious college prepatory school or go to public school. She told me I wasn't good enough for the Prep school and eventually hit me. All of this is really tearing me apart. I know I have done nothing wrong but my mom hates me. This really came to a peak this summer. I worked every night for 5 hours sometimes pulling an extra 4 hour shift at 15. When I got home my mom would always yell at me and treat me like ****. One night, we closed early and I went home. We had some friends of my parents over and I was happy to be home. My mom did NOT take this well. She was heavily intoxicated and proceeded to say how ****ty I was at my job and yelling why I was happy for leaving early. I got really upset and just decided to walk away. I went to my computer (which I consider safe) and was talking to a friend on skype and what happened. Out of nowhere my mom barges in and starts demanding that I tell her why I am being so negative and happy that I left work. I explained that I was happy to be with my family and she proceeded to curse me out and tell me how stupid, loathsome, idiotic, inadequate, and worthless I truly was. Insults were being pelted at me and it was too much to take. I told her: "Shut the **** up and leave my room." In tears. I was so upset and wanted to die right there. Everything about what she was saying was true. After again telling me what a piece of **** I was, she left screaming for everyone and guests in the house to hear.

 

My dad comes upstairs and tries to find out what is going on. He knows my mom gets like this when she drinks but there was nothing he could do. My mom goes back into my room and tells me she wants me out of the house. She said: "I want you the **** out of my house you ****ing piece of ****." I gave up at that point and my dad was trying to calm my mom down, all I could think about was how pathetic and ****ty my life was. I had truly hit rock bottom, not a soul in the world cares for me. My mom didn't talk to me for over a week and I didn't understand why. I was really sorry I cursed at her but I couldn't take it anymore. I am tired of being treated like ****, I really hate my life.

 

My brother too knows the wrath of my mother. He has seen me torn to hell by her comments and he knows how stubborn and angry she gets. Today I had a similar experience to a lesser extent. I was working on a power point Presentation for a teacher and she comes in my room saying that she wants me to attend a Spanish mass at church for the crowning of the mother of Guadalupe for extra credit in Spanish. My grade is currently a 92, and I really need to finish a project due tomorrow. I later told her no which she proceeded to get incredible angry and pissed off. When I was helping my brother with my math homework, I heard her:

"****ing piece of ****, I want him out of the house."

Great, not this again. She is always complaining about how dirty my room is (not very) and how I am a complete mess. I get crap about everything, from how I dress to what I do with my time.

 

Before I go on, I have a really tight group of friends from school. To get away from my parents, I will usually play some computer games, browse the web, listen to music, and talk with my friends. This spot is safe for me. I can be me here and not have to take **** for it. I am with people who like me and don't tell me how stupid and worthless I am. I just get yelled at and made fun of for spending time on the computer. Both my mom and dad will mock me and tell me that I do nothing and I am a loser. Its hard for me to leave the house sometimes, going to a Prep school, many of my friends live 15+ minutes away and over bridges you cant take bikes on. My parents are both usually drunk so I can't get a ride anywhere. In addition to this, I live on the outskirts of a bad neighborhood and I have never attended public school so I know few kids locally.

 

Recently my grades have slipped about 2 points due to everything going on. My parents argue more about money and Christmas, and things get insanely hectic at school with midterms before Christmas. Teachers are rushing in final tests and we don't review at all. My lowest grate used to be a 90, now it is an 87. My mother finds this simple unacceptable. If my grades go any lower, I will be grounded until further notice and have everything taken away from me. Life is bad, really bad. If I can't go out with my friends, once or twice a weekend, I will die. I can not live life like this. I feel guilty, I am like the resident family ****up and I don't know why. I don't feel normal, I feel anything but so. Life seems to just get really bad for me and the storm has no intentions of letting up. I have no idea what to do, no one can help me and if I get kicked out of the house, then what ? I am currently 16 years old and I cannot deal with all of this. I am often depressed and have thought of suicide. I can't live like this anymore, I just want this to end. I want to be normal and have a good family but I can't. I feel so lonely and inadequate. Maybe this is how my mom makes me feel and I know I shouldn't let her get to me but it does. Suicide seems more appealing with every waking breath. I am a ****ing loser. What should I do ? What can I do ?

[Geishawhelk]

I don't know where you are from, but you need to talk to someone in authority about this situation, and quickly.

Is there not a student counselling department you could approach?

 

If not, investigate a helpline for kids in abusive or dangerous situations.

There are laws in place to protect the young.

You should not be living in an abusive environment, and not be counselled, monitored or watched and protected.

You don't have to do this on your own.,

The law says so.

 

The sooner authorities can be alerted, the sooner someone official will try to offer assistance.

This will not necessarily mean bad things for your family.

These counselling bodies do what they can to support and maintain the family, and keep things running.

But your parents will have to be made to face the consequences of their actions.

I'm not talking prison here, but it's a situation which will attempt to bring them to their senses.

Please, please talk to an adult in a position to help.

[Ross PK]

Report your mum.

 

If you can move out and get your own place, then do so, and cut all ties with her.

[LouiseC]

I completely agree with Geishawhelk, you need to find someone in authority who can help you.

 

And you are in no way a loser! Please believe that.

[catastrophe]

Just more proof that people should have to pass a test or get a license to have kids. Technically, she is projecting her self loathing onto you, but that doesn't matter.

 

I'm sorry your parents are so horrible (mom obvious, dad doesn't do anything to stop her). I hope you can find someone else to live with, because it sounds like they are just hurting you. Remember, you can love them while also not being around them. Just get away to somewhere healthier asap - grandma, aunt, etc if there is a good option. Focus on your healthy relationships with your sibling and friends - they are what will carry you through life.

 

Maybe you can explain to your father how hurtful your mother is being. He should already be doing something about it, but it couldn't hurt to tell him your side. Maybe he will intervene.

 

For what it's worth, my mom was just like yours. Life got a lot better once I turned 18 and moved out, although I am still in therapy