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Is my post divorce behaviour normal? Can anyone relate?


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Old 18th December 2017, 7:39 PM   #1
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Is my post divorce behaviour normal? Can anyone relate?

Hi everyone, can anyone relate to this?

After a truely awful couple of years, fighting for my divorce, my children and my freedom, I am finally free of my ex husband and all the crap that went with it. It's been exhausting and has broke me financially but it's been worth every single penny. For anyone whose reading this, please don't give up. No matter how hard it gets, you will come out the other side. You will get there and it will be worth it.

After being intimacy starved for a long time, I've recently started looking at and developing an interest in other men. Nothing unusual there but here's the thing: I do not want another relationship yet, this I am adamant about as I couldn't think of anything worse. I can't do casual sex as it justs upsets me and I feel like crap afterwards. I thought I might be up for dating, having drinks, eating out etc but have quickly recognised that this isnt working for me either as the guys either want the relationship and/ or sex that goes with the dating. I've no interest in OLD.

So what I'm doing is this: I'm going out and snogging lots of guys. Nothing else, I'm just snogging them and thinking it's wonderful! Not seeing them again either. Basically I'm behaving like a teenager making out with males that I'm just randomly meeting. Trouble is im not a teenager, I'm late 30s and have 2 kids. Some of these guys have been in their mid 20s.

I know I'm not doing anything wrong and that it's good to enjoy myself in a way that makes me happy/ comfortable but I'm thinking that this post divorce behaviour isn't typical. Or is it? Anyone else relate?

Thoughts?
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Old 18th December 2017, 7:43 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Calmandfocused View Post

I know I'm not doing anything wrong and that it's good to enjoy myself in a way that makes me happy/ comfortable but I'm thinking that this post divorce behaviour isn't typical. Or is it? Anyone else relate?

Thoughts?
Hey, have fun! But maybe be careful making out with so many different guys... *cough* herpes *cough*

Enjoy being single! Just keep an eye out.
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Old 18th December 2017, 7:45 PM   #3
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Im not sure what snogging is, is it just making out?

I was married for 25 years and the sex while I was married was AWFUL. When I got free I just ran around sleeping with everyone I was into and had a blast. Its been three years now since I got single and I'd say I really started to slow down about a year ago. And just a few months ago met someone I wanted to be exclusive with.
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Old 18th December 2017, 7:47 PM   #4
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Herpes? The cold sore virus? Minor issue. I figure that at least what I'm doing is 100% effective against all the other STDs.
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Old 18th December 2017, 7:52 PM   #5
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Herpes? The cold sore virus? Minor issue. I figure that at least what I'm doing is 100% effective against all the other STDs.
For sure. I just say that because for 23 years I never had a cold sore/fever blister, but after a one night-makeout with a guy, I suddenly started to get them sporadically-the first popped up the day after the fun time. So now all I relate that to is getting the virus from a random(I know some people deal with it their whole lives, like my mom and brother do, but I never got them myself until 2 years ago).

Maybe i'm way off base but I know it can be transferred that way so it doesn't hurt to be careful.
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Old 18th December 2017, 7:54 PM   #6
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Sorry, yes, snogging is making out.

The sex in my marriage was awful too. I want to have sex with other people, I just feel that I can't separate emotion from sex. Especially if the sex happens to be good. And I don't want to get attached to anyone, I just want to be me and concentrate on rebuilding a happy life for me and my kids at the moment. But at the same time, I do want intimacy and to feel sexy. It's a happy medium for me in the interim I suppose.
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Old 18th December 2017, 8:17 PM   #7
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For sure. I just say that because for 23 years I never had a cold sore/fever blister, but after a one night-makeout with a guy, I suddenly started to get them sporadically-the first popped up the day after the fun time. So now all I relate that to is getting the virus from a random(I know some people deal with it their whole lives, like my mom and brother do, but I never got them myself until 2 years ago).

Maybe i'm way off base but I know it can be transferred that way so it doesn't hurt to be careful.
And now that you have it on your mouth, you can give it to a partner via oral sex.

Now I know what "snogging" means! I have never heard that term lol.
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Old 20th December 2017, 6:52 AM   #8
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Hi Cautiously, I guess it's British slang for the American 'Making out'! I have my own question. What is OLD? I guess nothing to do with age. Thanks in advance.

Hi Calm do whatever makes you happy and forget societal norms. You have your own life to live and are not responsible to society for what you do as long as it is not criminal in nature and does not hurt anyone. My only advice would be to stick to men more your age as otherwise you may come across as someone desperate which I'm sure you are not. Also, what are your plans for the future? Do you want to get into a relationship down the line or remain single? If you do want a relationship later then I guess you may need to be a bit circumspect in your behaviour to avoid being stereotyped as someone you are not. Just some thoughts. Warm wishes.

Last edited by Just a Guy; 20th December 2017 at 6:55 AM..
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Old 20th December 2017, 4:02 PM   #9
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Thanks for your replies.

Yes, eventually I do want another relationship. I still believe in love and I still believe in the good of people. Heck, I still believe in the institution of marriage. What I don't believe in (or trust) is my ability to make a wise decision where a potential partner is concerned. Children aside, my ex husband was the biggest mistake of my life. I'd like to think I'd have learnt from my past mistakes but I still fear that I haven't. The avoidance is protecting me for now. I want to meet someone, just not yet.

I never approach or chase these men. These young guys are coming after me. I'm very flattered (and surprised) that my circumstances and age do not put these guys off. I'm upfront about the fact that it will be a kiss and that's it. I've no intention of stringing anyone along.

OLD is online dating. Not for me at the moment.
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Old 20th December 2017, 4:14 PM   #10
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Perfectly normal my friend.

I too was in a unhappy marriage where I spent the last 8 years of it sexless. Sex was never that 'good' but I was far too young to realize what sex and sexual compatibility really meant and how important it is to long term happy relationships.

I was with my ex for 20 years jumping back into the dating pool at 40. Snogging as many men as possible was the perfect way to get my feet wet after being out of the game for so bloody long. It's normal to feel like a teenager again. I mean, how lucky are we to get the chance to feel young and excited again at our advanced age?

I see it as a celebration.

Enjoy this time of your life. It's the perfect way to ease into something more serious if/when you're ready.

Until then, SNOG AWAY!
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Old 20th December 2017, 4:27 PM   #11
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Oh gosh yall' oral herpes?

In the US at least 50-80 percent of the population is infected and 90+ percent have been exposed to the virus. Some people get cold sores once in a blue moon (me, every few years usually after a sunburn), some have outbreaks frequently, while others have none at all.

Chances are if you have never had a cold sore you are either a silent carrier, or you have been exposed and your system isn't vulnerable to the virus.

You aren't going to give someone genital herpes unless you engage in oral sex while you have an active cold sore.

Case in point, I get oral cold sores, my husband does not. He has obviously been exposed but must be asymptomatic. I am also extremely careful to avoid oral sex if I have a cold sore or one is coming on - he of course does not have "genital herpes" - as that exposure is easily avoided.

In short - kiss away.
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