After FDA, next stage?

[TwoHarts1970]

Hello there, this is my first time here, so just posting my own story. I hope that is OK?

 

I have been married 18 years, no children, and after rows and break ups, over the past couple of years, we decided to split last August.

 

Our divorce was started a couple of months back, and is now moving onto the Financial side.

 

My spouse did earn a lot more than me personally, which is the way its always been, but they loved their job, and I have been self employed, in order to take over at some point so they could slow down.

So most things were paid for by them, even when i refused things or try to save money, for holidays and around the home but this was always 'for us' and our future, so they were quite lavish.

 

Now it is coming to the financial split, I am feeling bad for the 50/50 split, even though; i was left with nothing, I've been taken for a ride, evicted from my home (which they still live in), and not allowed back in due to new installed security alarm! even though legally i have been told i can have access anytime, plus possible bad-mouthing to friends over this, as they no longer respond, so i am quite alone and asking for any help from this message board.

 

Now the house has been grossly undervalued by them on purpose, for the sake of the split! (probably common in these situations and a red book valuation is now being suggested)

 

Everyone is telling me the 50/50 is the starting point, including being reassured this legally via solicitors.

 

I seem to be feeling guilty, more so that its got this far, and suddenly our future plans are being divided up etc on paper which is very sad and upsetting. Also our close friends, are on my mind, as it seems they 'may' have gone now, and i'm only presuming she has been and told them 'their' side as shes in contact.

I contributed where i could, and at home, emotionally. It seems that they aren't feeling so

 

I need to snap out of it i think, as i could be left with very little, any ideas on how to approach this?

Is it just me as its from such a long period of time, with happy memories, and huge guilt, on being fair, which is not even something i had at the time of the split in the aftermath. But now its hitting me hard also maybe because its near the end and its tough emotionally.

 

I did want to stay friends, even if its in 1 or 2 years' time as I do not like falling out with people, or tit for tat badmouthing, but again it seems its not meant to be, as they are trying to get the upper hand and in control

 

Appreciate any help thanx

Edited July 22, 2017 by TwoHarts1970

[TwoHarts1970]

​

 

Hello, just signed up to ask, as I have been proceeding through a divorce over the past year, and am at the Financial disclosure stage.

 

I have the O/H Form E and details etc. It is a large document with bank statements, bills, valuations, and so on all included.

 

We have a court date to ask questions (beforehand) and as I have never encountered this before, or been to court, does anyone have any idea on what sort of things

to ask? specific bank transactions etc?

 

I am quite overwhelmed with it all​, and a little nervous. I do have a solicitor that will be representing me so that\s ok.

 

But as I have the opportunity to ask questions, I just wanted some guidance on what to ask or bring up, instead of doing nothing, unprepared, and the o/h throwing questions at me​, and missing my opportunity

 

Sorry not thinking straight at the moment, but hope this post makes some sense!

[PegNosePete]

Hello,

I just read your old thread, not sure why nobody responded. I hope you managed to get answers to your questions from other sources such as your solicitor. I would've answered some of your queries if I'd seen it, such as the house being under-valued, that is easily solved by getting a proper written valuation from an estate agent, or 3, complete with justification for the price. Hopefully your solicitor has got all this sorted by now.

 

Don't worry about the court. As long as your solicitor has all the information he needs, you won't even have to say anything. Maybe just confirm who you are. Your solicitor will handle everything else and do all the rest of the talking. You just have to sit back and look calm, cool and collected. Dress smart casual (suit isn't necessary but smart trousers and a smart shirt) and make it look like you know what you're doing. Fake it til you make it!

[TwoHarts1970]

Fantastic and Perfect Answer! PegNosePete!

[TwoHarts1970]

I'm halfwaythrough a divorce, posted here before, and exchanged Form E's, exchanged questionnaires and had our first FDA meeting at court.

 

We now have a second deadline to get property valuations, more bank statements, and answer questionnaires.

 

She is the applicant in the Divorce, and it seems with her questions that were dropped on me, that she has the 'upper hand' asking about every transaction on my statements (under £500 and under £250), personal questions unrelated to anything (these have been dropped now), while i feel like onthe back foot

 

I now have to obtain property particulars for somewhere suitable to live, and mortgage capacity evidence

Does anyone have any info on getting these, and whats required exactly?

 

And as I am self-employed decorator, and work has been slow, I need to now get job applications for something else, and show evidence of interviews within less than a month?

 

I feel a little overwhelmed as I left with nothing, and she has everything. Its basically my word against hers, as we had a good lifestyle and I looked after other things within the marriage more than the money earning side. now we have split, its all about how she has everything, i have nothing, and that she still wants it all.

 

I have come this far, do i keep going?

 

Thank you for any help

 

TH.

[PegNosePete]

It might seem that she has the upper hand or is being petty but it pays to be pragmatic here. Just answer her questions about your spending even if they're stupid, it's quicker than fighting them. She is the one who will be paying a solicitor to read them, after all. I once heard of a case where the wife wanted her solicitor informed of EVERY transaction: the husband obediently sent her solicitor an email every time he bought a coffee or a packet of crisps. Pretty soon when the wife saw her solicitor's bill for reading all those emails, she changed her mind.

 

I now have to obtain property particulars for somewhere suitable to live, and mortgage capacity evidence

Does anyone have any info on getting these, and whats required exactly?

You should ask your solicitor what is realistic, whether you should be looking at buying or renting, and what price range is suitable. Also whether your wife will likely be keeping the house, and how much payoff you'll get from it.

 

You should have your current property valued by 3 different estate agents. If your wife has this done (since she is occupying the house) then you should ensure you get to see the full valuation with comparables and price justification, not just a figure.

 

Property particulars for somewhere else to live: when your solicitor tells you what's realistic, you can look on estate agent sites or rightmove and find a few suitable ones. Taking into account your requirements regarding location, size, etc.

 

Mortgage capacity: being self employed with a slow business it won't be much. Many bank websites have an online mortgage calculator which will give you a general idea but for court you'll probably need to apply for a mortgage in principle from a lender. If buying isn't a realistic option then I wouldn't bother doing this, since it can affect your credit score.

 

I don't see why you should have to get job applications or interviews. You have your own company. Just because business is slow doesn't mean you should jack it in. Again your solicitor is the best person to answer this as he has all your financial details.

[TwoHarts1970]

Thank you PegNosePete.

 

I did wonder if you had a PM on this site to contact?

 

Anyway I am actually going through a lot of expenses and just explaining them like you said.

 

Thank you again, and if you do have a PM via this site, I'll drop you a line

[William]

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