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Thanks to all the LS S&D posters


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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  • 3 Post By 12Larry32
  • 1 Post By 2.50 a gallon
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Old 15th October 2017, 6:54 PM   #1
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Thanks to all the LS S&D posters

Just want to say a big thank you to all the forum members here. I feel the wisdom and advice shared on these boards has already helped put me on the path to recovery and has given me optimism for the future.

My story is very similar to many here; wife of 16 years asked for divorce out of the blue, found suspicious Facebook activity, anger/rage, heartbreak, denial, confusion, scared, smoked the hopium, played the pick-me dance, acted like a p_ssy, depression, etc.

Then I stumbled across this forum and kicked myself for not finding it sooner. I've since implemented No Contact & 180, and read No More Mr. Nice Guy (which described me to a T). Its only day 4 of NC, but I already feel 100% better than I did last week.

I usually just lurk on message boards, but I feel such a profound sense of gratitude that I registered just so I could say thanks to everyone for all the advice and wisdom shared here. THANK YOU.
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Old 16th October 2017, 1:59 AM   #2
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Be warned you have just began the journey back to the light
For the near future your life will be on a roller coaster. High like when you posted, only to have it collapse and suck you back down.
For me the worst times would be some times in the morning when you first wake up. You have no control of your dreams, and I would wake up having dreamed about her, only to wake up to the real world that she was no longer a part of my life.
The only cure is time. It will slowly get better.
Myself, I ended up in a deep bottom less black hole. Where there was no happiness, I even went so far as to wonder whether I might ever laugh again.
Some on this site suggest you take your time about mixing it up with the opposite sex.
Not so for me. I was lucky as one day I looked up from my black hole to see a pretty face looking down at me and asking if I wanted to come out and play.
It has been over 30 years since I last saw my ex. A few years back I Googled her name and found a couple of photos. She now raises show dogs. Boy did I get lucky. The intervening years have not been kind to her, and she is easily pushing the double century mark on the scales.
While for the past 20 plus years I have shared my life with a gal 8 years younger than me, a grandma, and now a great grandma, who still has an hour glass figure along with a flat stomach. And she is the kindest, most giving, loving woman I have ever met.
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Old 16th October 2017, 2:35 AM   #3
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Hi Larry, that is great news. Just keep up with the NC and keep your spirits up. 2.5 Gallon has given sterling advice. Stick with it. Keep yourself healthy and active.

Is your divorce final? Also do you have children and if so what is the custody arrangement? Whatever the case may be just keep your head up and keep smiling. Warm wishes.
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Old 16th October 2017, 9:11 AM   #4
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Thanks guys.

Have 2 kids, boy 12, girl 10.
In spite of myself, I think I did alright on the divorce terms. Got Joint legal and physical custody and am keeping the house. I have to buy out her equity share at $40K, agreed to a $10K lump sum alimony payment, and $270/mo. child support. And we filed all on our own, no lawyers.

Just filed 10/10 and there is a 90-day mandatory wait period until the divorce is final. She's now looking for an apartment and is packing up her stuff. Hoping by the end of the month she'll be gone.

Kids will stay with me during the week so they can go to their schools and then weekends with her. Her plan is to move to California next year and hopefully the kids will decide to stay with me for good.

I realize that my journey is just beginning, but I'm actually looking forward to it. I plan to use the next few months to reflect and try to get help with my "Nice Guy" traits. I don't want to repeat the same mistakes again. I'm putting a minimum start date of June 1st before I enter the dating world. If it turns out I'm not ready by then, I'm OK with that, I'll just wait until i am ready.

Right now the focus is on being a better dad. I just started playing PS4 with my son and this weekend am taking the daughter to an Anime convention. I do not like video games or anime, but I will enjoy the time I will spend with them.

I think I'm going to be alright. I just have to be ready for when those "down" times come and learn to positive methods to cope.
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Old 16th October 2017, 9:16 AM   #5
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$270 a month?

Crap, that's not even my cell phone bill
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Old 16th October 2017, 9:47 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by amaysngrace View Post
$270 a month?

Crap, that's not even my cell phone bill
Here in Utah the calculation is based on income and overnight stays with each parent. I get 183 overnights, she gets 182. That's the reason its only $270. Eventually, if the kids decide to go with her to California, that figure will probably jump to about $600/mo. (or more). But I made sure that the divorce decree stipulates that she cannot take the kids out of state without my permission, so there will be no running off with the kids.

If they stay decide to stay with me, I get to send her a child support bill every month. I don't think she realizes this right now because she's still in the "fog" of her new relationship. She never has been one for details, she's still "California-dreaming".
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Old 19th October 2017, 12:22 PM   #7
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Hi Larry I think you are doing just great. Sad that your stbx wife is California Dreaming. When the dram ends she is going to land on a particular part of her anatomy with a thud! Keep going the way you are. Warm regards.
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