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Should I get a new lawyer?


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 3rd October 2017, 7:59 AM   #1
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Should I get a new lawyer?

Not sure if I should post this here, but?

I'm starting to get a little worried about my lawyer.
He's obviously taking to the wife's lawyer, and the questions my lawyer is asking me sounds like they could be directly coming from my own wife. Or sounds as though my lawyer is defending my wife.

There are cirtain bills that I believe should be split, but I'm stuck with them (hospital bills, insurance on cars not in my possession.)

I should be spending more time with my child that lives with her, but she doesn't have to spend time with her child that lives with me because he's over 18.

I'm not going to say for sure my lawyer is wrong, but he does strongly influenced by my wife's lawyer and seems to always have excuses for my wife, while I have none.

Maybe this is just the reality of being a male in a 50/50 state?

Maybe Just a signal from my lawyer just to shut up and get it over with, quickly as possible . Idk?

Any suggestions?
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Old 3rd October 2017, 8:03 AM   #2
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Have you spoken to the lawyer about your concerns?

Sometimes compromise is the cheaper way through a divorce. If you want to fight about every little thing at $400+ per hour, you will go broke.

But if you don't think your lawyer is on your side, speak up. Make an appointment to discuss this & tell the lawyer you expect to not be billed for the face to face meeting about his / her loyalties / advocacy. (don't say that 2nd part until the meeting is concluded to your satisfaction). DO NOT attempt to address these concerns via text, e-mail or phone.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 8:14 AM   #3
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That's one thing I thought of... he knows I don't have the money to battle every little thing. There might be a bigger picture here?

Why do you not discuss matters e-mail?
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Old 3rd October 2017, 8:41 AM   #4
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Most lawyers are not blood sucking leeches. They take a sacred oath to get the best possible outcome for their client. This includes minimising their fees, and mitigating your losses by not fighting losing battles. If your wife is going to win a certain thing anyway then your lawyer is right to not waste fees fighting it. But if you don't understand why he's not fighting for X Y or Z then you should certainly ask.

Remember that the lawyer is the expert so you should trust his advice. However he works for you, not the other way around, so you should have the final say. He can advise you that a certain battle is not worth fighting, but at the end of the day it's up to you to tell him whether to fight it or not.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 8:49 AM   #5
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It was just freaking me out when my Lawyer was giving me the exact same excuses my wife would give.
It seemed it went from her, to her lawyer, to my lawyer, and directly back to me.
It was one of those things that made me wonder whose side is my lawyer on?
I don't need to hear my wife's excuses, I already know what they are... however it seems my lawyer is believing her over me... even after I told my lawyer my wife is less then truthful with... well just about everything.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 9:14 AM   #6
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I'd call your wife and talk to her directly to see if you can negotiate with her. I'm sure she doesn't want to pay to talk to you through lawyers either.

I'd approach it that way and then ask her what she wants before you get into what you'd like to have happen.

It's an emotionally charged time for her too but if you can both try to take the emotions out of it and be more level-headed it can save you both some money.

Tell her you don't want to fight with her anymore. She'll probably agree with that. That's why you guys are getting divorced.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 9:23 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Myasylum View Post
It was just freaking me out when my Lawyer was giving me the exact same excuses my wife would give.
Excuses? What do you mean excuses?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Myasylum View Post
It seemed it went from her, to her lawyer, to my lawyer, and directly back to me.
Yes. This is what lawyers do. They tell you what the other side says, and ask for your instructions. Then your lawyer passes your reply on to your wife's lawyer, and your wife's lawyer passes it on to your wife, and asks for her instruction. That's how it works.

But your lawyer should also give you advise on what is the best thing to do.

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Originally Posted by Myasylum View Post
it seems my lawyer is believing her over me
Then you should get a new lawyer. You should trust your lawyer. If you don't then there is a problem.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 10:32 AM   #8
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Yes you need a new lawyer. Yours has no fight in him.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 2:37 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Myasylum View Post
Why do you not discuss matters e-mail?

Because a discuss of this magnitude -- TRUST between an attorney & client -- needs all of the non-verbal context that will be lost in an e-mail. You can't ascertain whether you trust your lawyer from some words on a screen. You need to look in the person's eyes.
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Old 5th October 2017, 2:29 PM   #10
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I would like some more details OP. It's pretty common for lawyers to go back and forth with each other to try to reach a settlement. Her lawyer could have essentially copied and pasted her offer and your lawyer could have just been repeating it back. Often times the courts, if it comes to it, will only want to hear what couldn't be agreed on.

And being a male has nothing to do with it IME. In my divorce my XH filed for and got alimony.
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