How do you deal with kids?

[benpom]

Divorced a few months ago. Me and my ex both made serious mistakes. Now my kids are suffering. My 5-year old daughter cries over this fairly often when he picks her up because she wants to stay with me. He is absolutely taking care of her pretty well. My daughter is just closer to me and we share more common language, common interests and we are more connected. She also just really wants mommy and daddy to be with her together.

 

I tried to talk to ex about working out our issues, and he refused. Judging from what he wrote on Facebook, I got the impression that he (or at least part of him) is actually enjoying my kids being sad, because he knows that I feel crushed by seeing my children being crushed.

 

I still want to give him another chance, and want to give him an explaining chance. He is very closed off and does not want to talk at all. I am still paying some of his bills. I don't know if he genuinely forgot paying bills or he is just taking advantage of my desire to reconcile. I don't want to do anything to hurt the chance of reconciliation, but I don't want to wait for someone who is just manipulating me using children.

 

Really hate the situation I am in now. I want to move on, but I can't stand to crush my daughter's dreams and hopes.

[Foreverever421]

Divorced a few months ago. Me and my ex both made serious mistakes. Now my kids are suffering. My 5-year old daughter cries over this fairly often when he picks her up because she wants to stay with me. He is absolutely taking care of her pretty well. My daughter is just closer to me and we share more common language, common interests and we are more connected. She also just really wants mommy and daddy to be with her together.

 

I tried to talk to ex about working out our issues, and he refused. Judging from what he wrote on Facebook, I got the impression that he (or at least part of him) is actually enjoying my kids being sad, because he knows that I feel crushed by seeing my children being crushed.

 

I still want to give him another chance, and want to give him an explaining chance. He is very closed off and does not want to talk at all. I am still paying some of his bills. I don't know if he genuinely forgot paying bills or he is just taking advantage of my desire to reconcile. I don't want to do anything to hurt the chance of reconciliation, but I don't want to wait for someone who is just manipulating me using children.

 

Really hate the situation I am in now. I want to move on, but I can't stand to crush my daughter's dreams and hopes.

 

Why not try couple counselling and let them align the two of you? This flight or fight mechanism that is ingrained in all of us makes life hard for most people. If he loves the kids, i doubt he will want to hurt them to hurt you.