confusingme Posted January 6, 2017 Share Posted January 6, 2017 Me and my husband have been married for about 5 years. We have a 4 year old daughter. Last summer, I had a short period affair with a married man. Since the affair ended, I haven't really completed myself. I've grieving so much. Not from the affair, the affair has been done and I have no interests in it or any other affairs at all. I feel stupid when I think about the affair. However, my husband never knows about my affair. I don't know, seems like me and my husband never really know how to communicate. We have had a lot of fights. And I'm tired of fighting. So I swallow a lot of frustrations, anger, sorrow, just to avoid the fight. But obviously these negative feelings are being built in me. So I keep these feelings inside and don't have a way to let them out. I don't know how to explain the problems in my marriage, seems like too much to say, yet these are all the tiny things which don't really make sense...and make me think that to divorce because of these I can't even explain is not worth it... But I feel so empty. We rarely have sex, the last time is probably 2 months ago...I don't know if he's expecting to initiate it or he's not interested anymore... I'm physically fair, healthy, sexy, slim. But he's been always more interested in his video games... During those fights, I always bring up Marriage Counseling. But he always says "We don't need them, we just need communicate, only if you could communicate with me." However, he has given me a feeling that he always wants to "prove me wrong" whenever he wants a so called "communication". When I told him that I don't want to figure out who is right and who is wrong, I don't want it to be too logical in home. But his opinion is "When someone is wrong, he/she has to know it." ... Seems like it's too difficult to live with him. I'm just feeling very miserable and want to cry so much... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 During those fights, I always bring up Marriage Counseling. But he always says "We don't need them, we just need communicate, only if you could communicate with me." However, he has given me a feeling that he always wants to "prove me wrong" whenever he wants a so called "communication". When I told him that I don't want to figure out who is right and who is wrong, I don't want it to be too logical in home. But his opinion is "When someone is wrong, he/she has to know it." ... Well, after reading your post, I can't really figure out what each of you want either. First time I recall reading about a need to avoid being "too logical" . I'd schedule an appointment for MC and tell him he has a choice - divorce or counseling... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 You can go for IC. It will sort out your feelings from the affair at least. Once you are feeling better and have a positive outlook, your husband might want to join. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 he always says "We don't need them, we just need communicate, only if you could communicate with me." Well he has a point. You had an affair, and never communicated that to him. The communications blockage does seem to be coming from your end. Tell him that you're unhappy with the marriage and it's not getting any better on its own. The current "hope for the best" strategy is not working. If he doesn't have a better idea, and doesn't want to go to MC, then you don't think you can continue with the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer J Posted January 11, 2017 Share Posted January 11, 2017 You have to get into counseling for yourself. You are broken. You went out and had an affair. The reasons why do not matter. I am not telling you this as someone preaching. I'm telling you this as someone who did the exact same thing as you did. For the exact reasons you listed. Not feeling loved, holding in anger, etc. After my wife found out about it we tried to move past it. It didn't work. I am now divorced. You need to figure out why you felt that an affair was the answer. Then once you do that, you owe it to him to tell him about it. He has a right to know. If he accepts it, then you move on. If he doesn't, then he doesn't. You will never be able to have a good relationship with anyone if you don't get you fixed first. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 11, 2017 Share Posted January 11, 2017 I actually recall just a month or so ago to claiming to be deeply and madly in love with your affair partner...I recall because I was insulted and didn't even post a comment there. I'm going to go out on a limb (sarcastically) and say your marriage issues are at least 50% on you...More likely mostly. Link to post Share on other sites
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