Want2BHappy Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 I've been married 28 years. Both of us have our Master's in Finance. For all 28 years of our marriage my husband has been unable to hold a job. I save money for an emergency fund and every time he is let go that money goes and we are back to square one. Five years ago we had to declare bankruptcy because he was out of work for 28 months. That is when I decided I needed to upgrade my education and get a job that would 100% support the family. He graduated #2 in his class at Notre Dame, yet he can not hold a job. He either falls asleep on the job, is let got for being on the internet all day, or for not completing assignments. He is always perplexed when he is let go and tells me he gets angry at the HR person letting him go because they never tell him why they are letting him go. He is overweight and refuses to exercise. He eats every food choice that is unhealthy. His family has tried numerous times to encourage him to lose weight and he just gets mad at his sisters and parents. My children get so upset each time he loses another job. We can not plan for the future because a job loss takes that away from us. My kids need help for college and we can not help because once again he is unemployed. He tells me he is looking for work, but when I come home each day to eat my lunch to save money, he is watching TV or sleeping on the couch. I know he is depressed but enough is enough already, if this was the 1st or 2nd job loss, I would be a bit more understanding but at the 18th job loss this is too much for me to handle. Every night is an argument and now my daughter has severe anxiety from all of this... Trying to figure out the best way to get divorced is my next step. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 If your daughter starts showing interest in a fat, lazy, unemployed, entitled, professional-student who sits around watching TV and playing video games all day and that blames everyone else for his lack of basic performance, what will you advise her? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 Trying to figure out the best way to get divorced is my next step. The best way to divorce is a two-step process- - hire a good, well respected divorce attorney that specializes in divorce day in and day out full time. - Do what the attorney says. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 I know he is depressed but enough is enough already Has he ever been diagnosed or treated? You might want to think about timing your exit to coincide with one of his periods of employment, otherwise you may be on the hook for spousal support... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 Has he ever been diagnosed or treated? You might want to think about timing your exit to coincide with one of his periods of employment, otherwise you may be on the hook for spousal support... Mr. Lucky He has undiagnosed ADHD. I bet you my life savings he does. If you are willing to go to the Amen Brain Clinic and invest time into getting a proper diagnosis and plan, that may help immensely. But if you are done, you are done. Get a lawyer, get a counselor, make plans for the kids. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rose58 Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 I've been married 28 years. Both of us have our Master's in Finance. For all 28 years of our marriage my husband has been unable to hold a job. I save money for an emergency fund and every time he is let go that money goes and we are back to square one. Five years ago we had to declare bankruptcy because he was out of work for 28 months. That is when I decided I needed to upgrade my education and get a job that would 100% support the family. He graduated #2 in his class at Notre Dame, yet he can not hold a job. He either falls asleep on the job, is let got for being on the internet all day, or for not completing assignments. He is always perplexed when he is let go and tells me he gets angry at the HR person letting him go because they never tell him why they are letting him go. He is overweight and refuses to exercise. He eats every food choice that is unhealthy. His family has tried numerous times to encourage him to lose weight and he just gets mad at his sisters and parents. My children get so upset each time he loses another job. We can not plan for the future because a job loss takes that away from us. My kids need help for college and we can not help because once again he is unemployed. He tells me he is looking for work, but when I come home each day to eat my lunch to save money, he is watching TV or sleeping on the couch. I know he is depressed but enough is enough already, if this was the 1st or 2nd job loss, I would be a bit more understanding but at the 18th job loss this is too much for me to handle. Every night is an argument and now my daughter has severe anxiety from all of this... Trying to figure out the best way to get divorced is my next step. I can understand that this is beyond frustrating for both of you and your kids. There could be health issues. He could be struggling with depression. Losing one job after another can be discouraging and frustrating. Hopelessness can cause one to spiral into depression. Depression is hopelessness, fear and other things that shut most people down. To add to all that his family is telling him to lose weight and getting upset with him for not performing. If it were me I would have trouble getting out of bed to meet the day in this scenario. I would definitely not consider divorce. Love, tenderness and acceptance of who he is by himself will make a world of difference. In that safe place he can discover what he needs to seize the day with gusto and find out what kind of work he was made for and do it well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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