26 years together 32 years married over (part2)

[chew123]

My old thread seems closed so I thought I would start a new one with an update. See the old one for background. < moderator added link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/499210-26-years-married-32-years-together-over >

 

Today is the 2 year anniversary of DDAY. The only reason I remember the date is that it is the day before my wedding anniversary to my former wife.

 

Things are really going well. I barely think of or talk about my ex and former life. Only if someone brings her up and I pretty much end the conversation by saying I really don't know what she is doing, I no longer pay attention to her or her life.

 

I am spending a considerable amount of time with my new friend. I was not really interested in dating but I met her and after being friends first for a good long while we have grown much closer. I don't know where we will end up but it is really nice to have a reciprocal relationship with someone. And I have to say I really like waking up with someone in my bed again, even though it is not every day. I actually think I like it better halftime, I really do enjoy my time alone.

 

I am really very happy. My son is doing great at college. I am healthier, drink less, exercise more and actually go to church a bit.

 

I went camping this past weekend with my gf and some old friends. I found myself explaining to the husband that my wife cheating was one of the best things that ever happened to me. And I honestly believe that. I never would have gotten divorced if my wife had not cheated and left. I didn't know it then but I was not living, just going through the motions. I can't believe I feel that way after being so desperate in the beginning, but this situation really forced me to evaluate myself and grow. I guess I owe the AP/BF a debt of gratitude lol. If I ever meet him maybe I will shake his hand and say thanks.

 

For those of you just beginning on this journey I want to list the things that I believe really helped me. I did not figure these out on my own, most of these were tips from my fellow love-shackers.

 

1. Move to a new place as soon as you can for a fresh start.

2. Go to individual therapy.

3. Don't waste time getting the divorce going. You can always pull back if you decide to reconcile.

4. Do the 180 for yourself, not to get your spouse back.

5. Practice a ton of self care.

6. Spend time with people. Supportive friends and family first and foremost. Do meetups if you don't have friends.

7. Figure out what you really want to do with the rest of your life and start doing it.

8. take care of the children. Really should be number 1 on the list.

9. NC is great if you can do it.

10. Don't date for at least a year. Almost 2 for me. I needed the time alone.

11. Dump the Switzerland friends.

12. Vent on love shack so you don't wear out your friends.

 

There are more but those are some of the big ones for me.

 

Thanks to all the love shackers who helped me get to where I am now. There were some dark days but I have really grown a lot and I am loving life.

 

And for the newbies on this journey, trust that you will get where you need to be. What does not kill us really does make us stronger.

 

chew

Edited September 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Mr. Lucky]

I went camping this past weekend with my gf and some old friends. I found myself explaining to the husband that my wife cheating was one of the best things that ever happened to me. And I honestly believe that. I never would have gotten divorced if my wife had not cheated and left.

 

Good stuff Chew, always nice to see someone succeed under the difficult circumstances infidelity/divorce represent. Obviously a lot of hard work and discipline on your part .

 

Was the conversation about your marriage with your GF present? Is she comfortable with that kind of discussion?

 

Mr. Lucky

[standtall]

Hey Chewie...badass list. That stuff is gold. Glad to hear a happy ending here for once and enjoy the good times to come!

[chew123]

Mr Lucky,

 

No I didn't have that conversation with her present. Though she knows the story I try not to talk about my prior relationship with her. Not really fair or applicable. We both know each others pasts, but try to leave them where they belong, in the past. Except for each of our kids of course.

 

Thanks Stand tall. I really am a bit surprised how it all turned out in the end.

[tinkerbell16]

Mr Lucky,

 

No I didn't have that conversation with her present. Though she knows the story I try not to talk about my prior relationship with her. Not really fair or applicable. We both know each others pasts, but try to leave them where they belong, in the past. Except for each of our kids of course.

 

Thanks Stand tall. I really am a bit surprised how it all turned out in the end.

 

Nice to hear you are doing great Chew... I feel so similar to how you feel. At the time thought it was the worst thing that could have possibly happened. Almost 30 years down the drain. Now I see it as a blessing.

So happy with my life now.

And I also found love again

He is like the better version of my ex.

But even if I wasn't in love with the new man I would feel 100% better off than when I was married.

No complaints here!

[Bee4Shine]

This is really powerful advice! It focus's on the main things. So glad you are doing better!

[stillafool]

So glad to see someone who had the courage to find happiness! Good luck to you!