Heatherj85 Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 I married my husband when I was 18 years old. We had been dating for a couple of months when I found out I was pregnant, by the time I was 19, I was married and had a child. Now, after 12 years of marriage, and 3 children, I am still not happy. He was my first real boyfriend, I had slept with a few others before him, but nothing too serious. (I know that sounds bad, but I was a little wild around that age). I am now a successful career woman, and my husband is bouncing from job to job. I do love him, but I just don't think I am in love with him anymore. I know it's wrong but I have considered an affair, something that will make me feel alive again. I'm slowly dying inside from my day after day routine. I love my children, but I somehow have lost myself in the last 12 years. So very confused with all these feelings I am having... Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 Didja get married in a church Heather? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 I am now a successful career woman, and my husband is bouncing from job to job. I do love him, but I just don't think I am in love with him anymore. Are there reasons other than financial for your dissatisfaction with him? You seem to be focused on the the different paths your careers have taken... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 (edited) I just said this on another thread, so...ummm...sorry to repeat on yours, but it is relevant. The human brain isn't fully developed until approximately age 25. You chose a life partner before you were fully formed. Considering how important compatibility is in a marriage, it's not a good idea to marry someone before you know who you are as an adult and what you want in a mate. It's not surprising that your fully formed adult brain views him differently than your immature teenage brain. So, the question is, what, exactly, is the problem? Is it his job hopping? Sex or sexual attraction? Do you just have nothing in common? Some problems can be fixed, others not so much. If the only problem is his career, that can be worked on. If you just aren't attracted to him and aren't compatible with him, that is something I don't think can be fixed and it may be better to end the marriage and move on to seek a mate that you are compatible with and attracted to. ETA: I also noticed you mentioned losing yourself. The truth is, you haven't ever found yourself. You became a wife and mother at the time in life when people are just start going out into the world to discover who they are. A time that should have seen you growing and discovering yourself as a person was interrupted by having a husband and a child to care for. Basically, you skipped a few steps. Have you considered seeing a therapist? Edited July 13, 2016 by MJJean Link to post Share on other sites
Magicmountain Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 You can divorce your husband. You can stay with your husband. It sounds as though your happiness is a separate issue, though. If it is centered on your perception of your not loving him anymore, then you are fooling yourself. "I am not happy anymore, therefore I don't love him." So, does that mean that were you happy, you might still love him? Not a single person in this universe will ever make you happy. That is the truth. What I would suggest is finding a way to have your children temporarily watched. Then give yourself some time alone, away from everyone, away from everything in a place you don't know. Take a trip. Spend some time with yourself. Don't embark on any new romances. When you return, you may not be happy but you will be at a different place in your understanding. Link to post Share on other sites
Pollyannaslim Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 (edited) Hi…How is everything going? I am so sorry you are experiencing these feelings. Indeed, you did get married at a young age – I would guess that you and your H have become best friends - through growing and discovering life together. Do take heart – regardless of the age one marries – at one time or another one/both in a relationship do experience what you are feeling. Don’t you think it common that the way in which we love changes over time? In that, I hope you find some comfort – you are not alone! I am wondering if you have had a chance to have a true “heart to heart’ with your husband to share what’s on your mind? If you haven’t already, I hope to encourage you to do so. Although, communication isn’t always easy – it is vital to every relationship! You both have built a life together – and even though it may not feel like it at times, you are both on the same team and undoubtedly desire the same thing – that your lives/family are filled with joy. I do get that just as our love changes over time, so do our needs and expectations. Talking with your H will give you both an opportunity to express what is on your hearts and what you both need to keep your “love tank full.” The book The 5 Love Languages is a great tool to help you explore some of the ways to do just that. Because you mentioned that your H has changed jobs a few times, he too, may find some encouragement in this! I would also like to suggest maybe some IC/MC to help you navigate through this challenging season of your marriage. Often times, too, your local church will host workshops for couples who are struggling is one of a few marriage intensives that have helped many who were on the brink of divorce! Finally, it is certainly not my place to tell you what you should/shouldn’t do, however… IMHO therapy, open and honest communication, finding things to do together, etc., are healthier avenues in which to feel fulfilled – rather than seeking that from someone outside of one’s marriage. I do speak from experience when I say that infidelity is destructive and the emotional fall-out is without boundary; even if able to lock that secret inside? It can silently destroy all who one holds dear. I truly want to know how things are going and hope that you check back now and then to let us know what progress you and your H have made toward having a happy and fulfilling marriage – just as God intended! I wish you well and will keep you in my prayers! -P Edited May 8, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Jeff1690 Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 Take the time to find a baby sitter and start doing things together. Try to find common ground and enjoy each other. focusing on just kids and work can destroy a marriage. It did mine. Wife totally focused on kids first then career I sat in the background waiting to be remembered. Link to post Share on other sites
Raul42 Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 You can divorce your husband. You can stay with your husband. It sounds as though your happiness is a separate issue, though. If it is centered on your perception of your not loving him anymore, then you are fooling yourself. "I am not happy anymore, therefore I don't love him." So, does that mean that were you happy, you might still love him? Not a single person in this universe will ever make you happy. That is the truth. What I would suggest is finding a way to have your children temporarily watched. Then give yourself some time alone, away from everyone, away from everything in a place you don't know. Take a trip. Spend some time with yourself. Don't embark on any new romances. When you return, you may not be happy but you will be at a different place in your understanding. This is some great advice. You should consider this. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts