Divorce almost final!

[tashfv]

Hello, There is only two weeks until the absolute comes in. We have a son together. I feel so lonely at the moment. I talk to my ex daily which my mum says needs to stop, but I am worried about not meeting anyone else and he knows me so I feel comfortable with him.

Just a quick run down of events. He ended the relationship and filed for divorce.

He still lets me talk to him and doesn't seem to have a problem with it. I don't know if me feeling like I want to talk to hi will fizzle out or is it wrong to be speaking to him daily? Anyone else here still talking to an ex and co parenting?

I sometimes feel like it hasn't been long enough as the papers haven't come through yet. I think I need more time!

[PegNosePete]

Your mum is right. Maintaining a "friendship" with an ex is extremely difficult and painful, and makes moving on a much longer and more difficult process.

 

You should communicate with him regarding joint parenting decisions and childcare logistics. Nothing else.

 

You're worried about not meeting anyone else, but how will you meet anyone else if you're still hung up on your ex? And if you do meet someone else how do you think they will feel about this? Sorry but I think you're holding yourself back.

[Mr. Lucky]

I sometimes feel like it hasn't been long enough as the papers haven't come through yet. I think I need more time!

 

I'm assuming your ex has moved on and is seeing someone else. If so, a clear sign for you to do the same. Co-parenting issues can be discussed once or twice a week, every day conversation is unnecessary.

 

His leaving and divorcing you is a pretty clear message. Time to start listening to it...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Angelica21]

tashfv,

 

Everything you are feeling is normal, normal, normal and it hasn't been very long yet, so just do what feels natural and correct to you.

 

You are writing about two totally separate types of relationship with your ex-husband. The first is "co-parenting" the other is "emotional dependence."

 

The co-parenting is easiest to talk about and figure out first. You share a on, so you and your ex are going to have a co-parenting relationship FOREVER. So, yes, you must have one! The best attitude to develop a healthy co-parenting relationship is to view it as a cordial business relationship. You'll need to communicate about all the details of your son's living arrangements, school, finances, etc. You must have this relationship.

 

The other is emotional dependence, and it is very normal to feel and pursue emotional dependence when the divorce is fresh and you still love him. So, little by little, remain aware of how strong your emotional dependence is, and start working a little bit at a time to separate from him emotionally: call him fewer times, ask his opinion fewer times, etc.

 

Eventually your emotional dependence relationship with him will get less and less, even though your business-like co-parentng relationship will go on forever.

 

And, please, at this early stage where the papers aren;t even complete yet, stop thinking and worrying about meeting someone new! Just focus on healing from your divorce.

[amaysngrace]

Quit being so desperate. It's likely that he's only be being nice to you for his own advantage.

[Bee4Shine]

I am sorry that he moved out and filed for divorce, especially with a LO in the mix. You do need to take care of your heart. By allowing him to do as he pleases and you still emotionally attached, you are not going to be able to cope, move on or heal. Can you take a break, set a schedule, call him when you need to discuss little one and that is all? You need to set boundaries that will enable you to move forward in life. I am sorry mama, I know it seems like there will never be anyone else, but there will be. Let your heart heal.