Shotclock Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Been seperated for about three and a half months. She got a new boyfriend and he's been "sleeping over" with her while our 8 year old is there for about a month, on and off. She does not want our child to go to counselling and I do and I think it would be good for the kid to talk to someone independent. She also gets mad at me when I talk to our child about the separation. All I do is ask if Jr wants to talk and sometimes we do. But now the ex has told her to keep quiet and I can see it in my child's face and habits. Alot of it has to do with the new guy, while I don't care who she she's I do care that she dropped this bomb on our kid so early in the breakup. However, I have no say on the matter. When I have to go to the house to clean up my stuff and get ready to move it she always rushes me out the door, because boyfriend is coming over. So I wonder if I ask to meet him if it would help our child's anxiety? I'm hoping it would show that the issues are between me and mom and not him. Good idea or bad idea? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 I think good idea simply because he's now someone in your child's life, means you should meet and know him. As in most situations, knowledge is power... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Your Ex told you child to stop talking to you about the separation? It's clearly a child abuse by all books. I don't know you and your Ex but if she allows herself to do it, she might allow herself to do more along the way. It is your decision if you want to just drop it, hopping that the rest of her behavior will be Ok, so why starting a fight, or you can talk to her and ask her to stop it, and if she insists, tell her that any additional child abuse, your are going to court with that matter. She has no right to control your daughter's relationship with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 I would buy a background check on this guy and look him up in a sexual predator database if your state has one. Keep talking to your child and take Jr to counseling if you want. Your wife cannot stop you. I'm not sure if it's a good idea or not to meet the new guy. If he's a predator he'll try to schmooze you to get on your good side. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Im guess you were with her ten plus years. I think its fairly uncommon for a woman(mother) to be comfortable enough with a man in this short time to have him sleeping over with their child there. What im getting at is I would bet this NEW relationship isnt as new as you think. I know you say you dont care who she is with, so that part is mute. However, it could explian her wanting to keep your kid silent. Maybe he overheard conversations that will clue you in on the true nature and timeline of this relationship. Maybe your thinking why does it matter you dont care....If you read around this site you will find it fair common that women in your exes position will lie and hide the nature and timeline of the cheating turned relationship. They tend to have a hard time facing the fact yhat they damaged the marriage/relationship, or maybe in some way keeping you from knowing leaves the door open for a return..one poster here is a pro at that keeping her husband on the hook for almost two years. Point in me saying this is, if that is what your dealing with then you ex will continue to keep her two worlds apart, she will fight you at ever turn about doing whats best for the child, she will fight you about meeting this guy. All the signs are there that this relationship predates your split, understanding this will give you some insight into your exes mind and motivations. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Your ex is trying to brainwash your daughter. Take her to counseling secretly when you have her over. And yes, do meet him - might be intimidation enough for him if he has to deal with a "mean ex". And should your daughter ever express that she's afraid of her mom or the new guy - grab your alwyer and fight for custody. Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 What happens to your daughter while she it with your ex is nothing you can control. Aside from any imminent physical danger, there is very little you can do about the situation. Sucks, I know. Just know that she is physically safe and when it is your time to spend with her, make sure you provide her with whatever she needs (emotional support, counselling, etc). Let you ex do her dumbass stuff and eventually your daughter will be old enough to decide where she wants to live full time. Link to post Share on other sites
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